- how people hide
- feeling something fully vs dulling the pain
- intentional conversations?
- finding what makes a person talk
Saturday, March 29, 2014
topics
Monday, March 24, 2014
CCUC
I visited Chinese Christian Union Church in Chicago's Chinatown today (wow, a lot of C's). It was the first time in a long time where I put myself in a social scene where I was very unfamiliar with. I suppose it gave me a glimpse again what it meant to be the new kid.
"Hi, my my name is Rich....I'm new."
Then the guy I talks to tries to act cheerful, but is taken out of his normal relaxed self because now he has to be nice to the newcomer. I'm not offended as much as I am realizing how I do this also when I meet new people at Christian events.
Anyway, as for the church itself, it's sort of what I expected.
I like Pastor Peter's sermons better, although this is a little hard to beat, since I might even say I like Pastor Peter's sermons over Francis Chan's.
For the music, I actually liked NewCom's better CCUC. I didn't expect this, but over the past few years I have realized how talented the musicians at NewCom truly are.
Community - I probably met more people going to CCUC once than I have going to NewCom in 3 years. I did go with Josh Hsu and meet his friends, so that helped, as opposed to NewCom I've just gone with Northwestern folk who only talk to Northwestern folk after service. I did sort of expect this, despite my initial awkward encounter.
They also have different missions. CCUC is very much about being in the community of Chinatown, whereas NewCom is more about Logan Square and the larger Chicago.
I don't know. I didn't want this comparison to be ringing in my head during the service, but it did so that sucked.
"Hi, my my name is Rich....I'm new."
Then the guy I talks to tries to act cheerful, but is taken out of his normal relaxed self because now he has to be nice to the newcomer. I'm not offended as much as I am realizing how I do this also when I meet new people at Christian events.
Anyway, as for the church itself, it's sort of what I expected.
I like Pastor Peter's sermons better, although this is a little hard to beat, since I might even say I like Pastor Peter's sermons over Francis Chan's.
For the music, I actually liked NewCom's better CCUC. I didn't expect this, but over the past few years I have realized how talented the musicians at NewCom truly are.
Community - I probably met more people going to CCUC once than I have going to NewCom in 3 years. I did go with Josh Hsu and meet his friends, so that helped, as opposed to NewCom I've just gone with Northwestern folk who only talk to Northwestern folk after service. I did sort of expect this, despite my initial awkward encounter.
They also have different missions. CCUC is very much about being in the community of Chinatown, whereas NewCom is more about Logan Square and the larger Chicago.
I don't know. I didn't want this comparison to be ringing in my head during the service, but it did so that sucked.
FNO
This past Friday, Kwang and I went to NewCom's monthly Friday Night Outreach. It's an event where people come together, put together care packages (warm clothes, food, and directions to the church's warming center), and go find homeless people on Friday night and distribute it to them.
We met Scott on the ramp coming off Armitage where he held a sign -- "Laid off." I didn't catch the other words. When the light turned green and he came to the side, we went to talk to him and handed him the care package.
Scott was a white man, probably around 27 years old, with dirty blonde hair that hadn't been cut or washed in months. He told us the story that he got laid off from his company and couldn't afford his rent anymore, so he left his apartment because he didn't want to wait for the police to evict him. He'd been homeless since the fall and made it through the winter. He thanked us for the food -- "Thank you so much man...I couldn't have made it out without people like you guys" -- other churches had also given him care packages before.
What hit me about his story was that it was quite unremarkable. He didn't have wealthy parents to lean on, and it sounded like he had been educated in his skill, just the company wasn't doing well. Just like that -- he got laid off and couldn't pay the Chicago rent. I can only imagine if someone gets laid of in SF or NYC, how quickly they couldn't afford their $3K/month apartments.
Had I grown up in a different environment, that could be me out there.
One thing I'm grateful for what my peers, Northwestern, and Chicago has done to me is poke holes in the gospel I knew. The one that tells me that my sins are forgiven and to go and be holy. This gospel sounds good on the service until we start seeing how much Jesus actually talked about the poor and dejected.
I don't claim to know much about this topic honestly, but it's just a reminder to me that life's purpose is more than comfort. I say that as I'm about to fly to California for spring break to have fun. I don't know. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that all I've done in the past 50 years is try build the most comfortable life for myself. Besides, I do think with that thinking, a "successful" person will get all the material comfort money provides and realize they're not comfortable at all.
We met Scott on the ramp coming off Armitage where he held a sign -- "Laid off." I didn't catch the other words. When the light turned green and he came to the side, we went to talk to him and handed him the care package.
Scott was a white man, probably around 27 years old, with dirty blonde hair that hadn't been cut or washed in months. He told us the story that he got laid off from his company and couldn't afford his rent anymore, so he left his apartment because he didn't want to wait for the police to evict him. He'd been homeless since the fall and made it through the winter. He thanked us for the food -- "Thank you so much man...I couldn't have made it out without people like you guys" -- other churches had also given him care packages before.
What hit me about his story was that it was quite unremarkable. He didn't have wealthy parents to lean on, and it sounded like he had been educated in his skill, just the company wasn't doing well. Just like that -- he got laid off and couldn't pay the Chicago rent. I can only imagine if someone gets laid of in SF or NYC, how quickly they couldn't afford their $3K/month apartments.
Had I grown up in a different environment, that could be me out there.
One thing I'm grateful for what my peers, Northwestern, and Chicago has done to me is poke holes in the gospel I knew. The one that tells me that my sins are forgiven and to go and be holy. This gospel sounds good on the service until we start seeing how much Jesus actually talked about the poor and dejected.
I don't claim to know much about this topic honestly, but it's just a reminder to me that life's purpose is more than comfort. I say that as I'm about to fly to California for spring break to have fun. I don't know. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that all I've done in the past 50 years is try build the most comfortable life for myself. Besides, I do think with that thinking, a "successful" person will get all the material comfort money provides and realize they're not comfortable at all.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
the last stretch
Then college is done.
--
almost there.
--
edit: done.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
the teacher's dilemma
This one I'm not proud of.
When I learn of something new -- instead of actually wanting to apply it to my life, to better my relationship with God or to learn to understand God's love even more...
... I'm satisfied with just posting about it. Feeling wise from writing it. It's terrible thing -- when you rather speak about Jesus than actually spend time with him.
Sigh.
Only fools things they are wise. I'm working on it.
When I learn of something new -- instead of actually wanting to apply it to my life, to better my relationship with God or to learn to understand God's love even more...
... I'm satisfied with just posting about it. Feeling wise from writing it. It's terrible thing -- when you rather speak about Jesus than actually spend time with him.
Sigh.
Only fools things they are wise. I'm working on it.
thought
We wish that people would accept and love us for who we are.
Then in the same motion, we distance ourselves from people who slightly put us off or offend us.
Are the two not opposites -- are we not the very reason why others wished for more acceptance and less judgment?
And -- I confess, I do the latter everyday.
--
not sure why I have two blogs right now -- rrichhh.tumblr.com. I'll most likely keep posting in here, and double-post some into tumblr. I'll probably do videos/links in there, though.
Then in the same motion, we distance ourselves from people who slightly put us off or offend us.
Are the two not opposites -- are we not the very reason why others wished for more acceptance and less judgment?
And -- I confess, I do the latter everyday.
--
not sure why I have two blogs right now -- rrichhh.tumblr.com. I'll most likely keep posting in here, and double-post some into tumblr. I'll probably do videos/links in there, though.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
reputation
Francis Chan video I listened to making me think about things...
In the middle of a sermon, he posed two questions -- the first: "How would your friends describe you?"
Pretty well, I think. Somehow I tend to build a good reputation for myself.
"How would God describe you?"
And the truthful answer is -- not in the same way that my friends would describe me. Not even close.
I think that points at so many things in my life, but the biggest thing it points to is the fact that how much I care for my reputation, even more so than my character.
One of the many things I learned from my relationship last year was how bad I dealt with a bad reputation. I thought I had the right formula. I didn't date that much, I'd say that I've waited for four years between relationships (really, just no one said "yes" for four years). I was open and direct about, I prayed about it. So when that relationship crashed, it was a huge dent on my reputation. The shame of failed relationship on top of the embarrassment of being the one who cares more.
I think that was a large part of the reason why I was floored -- for a long time. My reputation was blemished and my true character exposed.
In the middle of a sermon, he posed two questions -- the first: "How would your friends describe you?"
Pretty well, I think. Somehow I tend to build a good reputation for myself.
"How would God describe you?"
And the truthful answer is -- not in the same way that my friends would describe me. Not even close.
I think that points at so many things in my life, but the biggest thing it points to is the fact that how much I care for my reputation, even more so than my character.
One of the many things I learned from my relationship last year was how bad I dealt with a bad reputation. I thought I had the right formula. I didn't date that much, I'd say that I've waited for four years between relationships (really, just no one said "yes" for four years). I was open and direct about, I prayed about it. So when that relationship crashed, it was a huge dent on my reputation. The shame of failed relationship on top of the embarrassment of being the one who cares more.
I think that was a large part of the reason why I was floored -- for a long time. My reputation was blemished and my true character exposed.
"To the angel of the church in Sardis write: ...I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead"
Revelation 3:1
Saturday, March 15, 2014
mock
Someone posted this on tumblr a week ago, but it keeps coming back into my head..
"Don't mock a pain you haven't endured."
"Don't mock a pain you haven't endured."
Friday, March 14, 2014
strange thought
It took time for me to be able to enjoy a Bulls game.
It takes time for us to learn to enjoy things.
Like beer.
Or black coffee.
I feel like that says strangely deep things about life.
It takes time for us to learn to enjoy things.
Like beer.
Or black coffee.
I feel like that says strangely deep things about life.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
speeding
Got a speeding ticket tonight on my way to pick up a friend from the airport.
Sigh - how does so much money slip away from my bank account so quickly? I do try to be frugal.
Sigh - how does so much money slip away from my bank account so quickly? I do try to be frugal.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
an apology
Dear friend,
Do you know that God loves you?
Because the way I act toward you would make you believe otherwise.
I'm sorry.
Do you know that God loves you?
Because the way I act toward you would make you believe otherwise.
I'm sorry.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
on forgiveness
I've been realizing that forgiveness doesn't have to make sense. In fact, maybe it just outright doesn't make sense. Maybe logic even goes against the idea of forgiveness.
If I were to say, "I forgive John for stealing my cookies because...", maybe anything after the "because" would change the forgiveness into simple justification. Because John did that, he deserves my well-treatment again.
Forgiveness is this - I forgive you because I forgive you.
And to make it even more illogical, I've been realizing that sometimes the person you really need to forgive is yourself.
I've made many foolish actions and rash decisions this past year, but maybe it's time I forgive myself for all of that -- simply to forgive myself.
If I were to say, "I forgive John for stealing my cookies because...", maybe anything after the "because" would change the forgiveness into simple justification. Because John did that, he deserves my well-treatment again.
Forgiveness is this - I forgive you because I forgive you.
And to make it even more illogical, I've been realizing that sometimes the person you really need to forgive is yourself.
I've made many foolish actions and rash decisions this past year, but maybe it's time I forgive myself for all of that -- simply to forgive myself.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
on having faith
The other day when I was reading Hebrews, I came across this verse:
The outreach event that AAIV threw this past Saturday was actually extremely good. Each performance was coupled with a heart-wrenching story of how good our God is and how he has worked in the hardships of their life. The part that troubles me is how when people describe the event, they use "actually." It was "actually" very good.
Because we're so surprised when the word of God is actually powerful. I think this attitude is even present when we go to AAIV Large group. We go not expecting to be fed but we go out of habit, and when it's good -- it's was "actually" good.
Of course, whether AAIV Large group is actually doing a good job of presenting the gospel is another story, but -- have I lost faith? Have we lost faith? If I don't believe in the power of God's word than why do I call myself a Christian? Is the power that overcame sin and death, that loves all things, is it not powerful enough to remove my friends' doubts? Why am I so scared to share my faith -- why am I so ashamed of the gospel?
For our faith brings healing and light amidst pain and darkness, for our faith can move mountains, can move nations -- it can certainly move our friends.
Father, your word is sharper than any double-edged sword. Pierce our souls.
"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."I remember in high school, Mr. Lin would always be praying and preaching about how the word of God is "sharper than any double-edged sword." He'd say this before every bible study. What does that mean? It means that the word of God has the power to pierce any soul -- today. Even now.
The outreach event that AAIV threw this past Saturday was actually extremely good. Each performance was coupled with a heart-wrenching story of how good our God is and how he has worked in the hardships of their life. The part that troubles me is how when people describe the event, they use "actually." It was "actually" very good.
Because we're so surprised when the word of God is actually powerful. I think this attitude is even present when we go to AAIV Large group. We go not expecting to be fed but we go out of habit, and when it's good -- it's was "actually" good.
Of course, whether AAIV Large group is actually doing a good job of presenting the gospel is another story, but -- have I lost faith? Have we lost faith? If I don't believe in the power of God's word than why do I call myself a Christian? Is the power that overcame sin and death, that loves all things, is it not powerful enough to remove my friends' doubts? Why am I so scared to share my faith -- why am I so ashamed of the gospel?
For our faith brings healing and light amidst pain and darkness, for our faith can move mountains, can move nations -- it can certainly move our friends.
Father, your word is sharper than any double-edged sword. Pierce our souls.