Good conversation with KH on Friday. It's a shame that so many people feel out of the loop. When I think of AAIV freshmen, I think of certain faces, specific faces. I think to myself...I did well. I helped these people get acquainted in college....and I did. But I can't measure myself by that statistic, because when you go to AAIV on a friday night, you realize so many faces that are also of that class, that yearn to be a part of something larger, but feel trapped.
I don't know how to describe it.
AAIV shouldn't be the goal. Should it? Of course I don't claim that AAIV cares more about the it's own community than it's members actual relationship with God. Some may think that, but I don't.
But community is so important. The Christian path is not one meant to be taken alone. But what does a 200 person community look like?
Or a 200,000 person community?
I don't know.
Ran into JL @ Sargent...always interesting to run into old friends. I seem quick to forget..
Looper was a really good movie.
How will small group be this year? Before it has even begun, I already see myself too lazy or not having enough time to think through all the things I wanted to.
Early wake up tomorrow.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
need to figure out a ridiculous ice breaker
9am class tomorrow, so I'll keep this short.
This reminds me how fragile life is. I cannot imagine what it is like for a parent to see the police looking for your child in the lake.
Had conversations with floormates about China's lawlessness, ABC's struggles growing up, time spent on AAIV, and REM sleep cycles. Will be a good year, regardless whether to (dumb) Area Coordinator allows us to keep our TV in the lounge.
On unlimited meal plan now. Woke up 9. Ran 3 miles. Ate bacon and food. Went to class. Good way to start the day.
I surprise myself with how passionate I am about the AAIV community (and building it).
I am an extrovert in Evanston and an introvert in Wilmington. Maybe. I don't know what I am anymore.
My to do list is piling up. I need to finish my resume. And back to college meals. I should be grateful.
I need to start reading the bible regularly. No way can I keep up this lifestyle without knowing why I live it.
I need to stop worrying.
Sermon about how there was still WORK in the garden of eden. How people need work. Underwork is bad (feel like an idiot doing nothing), and overwork is bad (more to life than work). It's not about the job, it's about how you do the job.
I try to be extroverted because I see the need for extroverts in the world. From having smalltalk to the janitors and giving them someone to talk to for 2 minutes in the elevator to just breaking the awkward tension at a meet and greet.
Apparently I'm a cool kid now. I think I wanted that 2 years ago, but now...I don't know. I don't want it to get to my head. Keep me humble, God.
7 hours of sleep, here we go.
This reminds me how fragile life is. I cannot imagine what it is like for a parent to see the police looking for your child in the lake.
Had conversations with floormates about China's lawlessness, ABC's struggles growing up, time spent on AAIV, and REM sleep cycles. Will be a good year, regardless whether to (dumb) Area Coordinator allows us to keep our TV in the lounge.
On unlimited meal plan now. Woke up 9. Ran 3 miles. Ate bacon and food. Went to class. Good way to start the day.
I surprise myself with how passionate I am about the AAIV community (and building it).
I am an extrovert in Evanston and an introvert in Wilmington. Maybe. I don't know what I am anymore.
My to do list is piling up. I need to finish my resume. And back to college meals. I should be grateful.
I need to start reading the bible regularly. No way can I keep up this lifestyle without knowing why I live it.
I need to stop worrying.
Sermon about how there was still WORK in the garden of eden. How people need work. Underwork is bad (feel like an idiot doing nothing), and overwork is bad (more to life than work). It's not about the job, it's about how you do the job.
I try to be extroverted because I see the need for extroverts in the world. From having smalltalk to the janitors and giving them someone to talk to for 2 minutes in the elevator to just breaking the awkward tension at a meet and greet.
Apparently I'm a cool kid now. I think I wanted that 2 years ago, but now...I don't know. I don't want it to get to my head. Keep me humble, God.
7 hours of sleep, here we go.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
"do you guys all fuck?"
Well, that's one way AAIV is different I guess...
Living with some fraternity guys these few weeks has put me in some "interesting" conversations. Particularly about sex and girls.
Living with some fraternity guys these few weeks has put me in some "interesting" conversations. Particularly about sex and girls.
Monday, September 10, 2012
12:34
1. You are a son of God (your identity)
2. God knows what is best for you.
I used to wonder why the tree was called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That didn't sound so bad, what's wrong with knowing more? Does God not want us to know these "bad" things? I thought without the knowledge of good and evil, it would make us oblivious children. People who don't truly know real life. I wouldn't describe these people as free.
But think about what Adam and Eve had. Imagine a life where you've never experienced guilt or shame, and where it's impossible to have those feelings. I think we get a tiny glimpse of it watching little innocence children fumble around. They don't have the "knowledge of good and evil," so maybe that does make them oblivious children.
But they are more free than they'll ever be for the rest of their lives. No shame in social hierarchy, appearances, financial needs, clothes...nothing.
Adam and Eve had no shame because their identity wasn't set in their actions or accomplishments, but simply as sons and daughters of God. Truly free.
--
Jeff's post about intellect being a factor in being shy makes me wonder. I recently asked a friend, "Why do you think almost everyone in our fellowship feels like a loner?" (Dramatic overstatement, I'm sure, but basically there seems to be no cliques in our fellowship. Which may seem to be a good thing, but at the same time--no thunder buddies.)
Is it because being Northwestern students, we're too smart for our own good? We calculate the risk to be truly share who we are--we calculate this risk to be too high. So instead we mask ourselves as someone who is socially acceptable.
2. God knows what is best for you.
I used to wonder why the tree was called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That didn't sound so bad, what's wrong with knowing more? Does God not want us to know these "bad" things? I thought without the knowledge of good and evil, it would make us oblivious children. People who don't truly know real life. I wouldn't describe these people as free.
But think about what Adam and Eve had. Imagine a life where you've never experienced guilt or shame, and where it's impossible to have those feelings. I think we get a tiny glimpse of it watching little innocence children fumble around. They don't have the "knowledge of good and evil," so maybe that does make them oblivious children.
But they are more free than they'll ever be for the rest of their lives. No shame in social hierarchy, appearances, financial needs, clothes...nothing.
Adam and Eve had no shame because their identity wasn't set in their actions or accomplishments, but simply as sons and daughters of God. Truly free.
--
Jeff's post about intellect being a factor in being shy makes me wonder. I recently asked a friend, "Why do you think almost everyone in our fellowship feels like a loner?" (Dramatic overstatement, I'm sure, but basically there seems to be no cliques in our fellowship. Which may seem to be a good thing, but at the same time--no thunder buddies.)
Is it because being Northwestern students, we're too smart for our own good? We calculate the risk to be truly share who we are--we calculate this risk to be too high. So instead we mask ourselves as someone who is socially acceptable.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
And that’s all she wrote
warning: wrote this on the plane, and didn't finish because flight ended. i dunno what my train of thought was. posting now before i regret it...
----
Summer is over. Kinda. I still don’t have class for another month, but the summer as I’ve known it to be for the past 6 years is over. Everyone continued down their own path; we should consider ourselves quite lucky that our pathes even crossed at all.
(I will not write for others, I will not write for others.)
Summer was good. Great. I really didn’t expect too much from this summer,as I thought most people would be gone and most of the time would be sucked away by working/studying anyway. Working did take a lot of time, but yet again, studying never really pushed through. I need to work on self studying, sigh.
Good friends and new friends. We found many reasons to hangout just watching the olympics, even witnessed some amazing events (the amazing vault for one), went to the beach, Batman, KOP, New York City, meeting Jia’s friends, and more that I already forget.
For some reason you always forget the times you hung out, the specific things you did. I have to try really hard to recall what we exactly did in New York or even the conversations we had, yet I know it was really meaningful in some way. Like when two people who otherwise never would have met, become friends, suddenly you have another buddy in this lonely world, and the world seems a little brighter. A little better.
No matter how great your charisma or your looks, everyone needs a friend. Odd to think about, that even these extraodinary people, take Obama for instance, still need their buddies, still have similar struggles to us. From struggling to wake up in the morning to procrastinating during work, we are similar. Money can’t be your friend and neither can knowing the cultures of multiple countries from having traveled abroad. Who is more loved, a member of a violent gang or Donald Trump? To have friends who would put a bullet to the head of someone who was against you?
Who will fight harder, mercenaries or loyal patriots with a cause?
Up to this point, some might think the whole point of life is to have good friend who have your back. I thank Essence for bringing up a hard topic of really, how does God fit into all of this? I had a CS professor who told the class that he thought the purpose of life was the create your own purpose. If there is no God, I would agree with him. If there is no God, I think you should just pack your life with as many “good times” as possible, how to live those good times is up to one to decide, although I would argue it would invovle other people. I don’t know, maybe someone can find complete purpose just being alone.
But with a God? With Jesus? There’s a goal, there’s a challenge. People are the most important portions of this Earth because they are a reflection of God, because each and every person has a potential to attain the greatest achievement of salvation, regardless of gender, race, or group. OF what you choose to wear, or your social hierarchy or tax bracket. This means the poor and rich have the same purpose, the same yearnings. The same water will quench their thirst.
As creepy as it sounds, I think as you get older, people watching becomes more interesting. I admit that I did some people watching in NYC at a Starbucks as we waited for our friends to come downtown from the subway. A fashionable hipster walked into Starbucks with a sense of rush and purpose, his skinny jeans not able to hold back his stride. A tired woman drinks her coffee as she responds to her morning emails. They collide pathes for a few minutes, but they probably won’t even notice each other. 99% of the time, at least. But that 1% when two strangers meet and hit it off for the few minutes they way together in line? Somehow it’s beautiful. Because you realize that no matter who they were, where they were from, how different they were, people are similar. We struggle with the same things. Perhaps we’re just looking for another buddy in the world because this world is too scary. We drown out the noise with our music, we escape reality with scripted idealistic movies and/or tv shows.
But no one lives like that. One of the weirdest parts about meeting celebrities is seeing that they’re not these perfect creatures you thought them to be. I bet Lil Wayne gets a little excited when he drinks 9 bubbles in a row too.
What is this water? To be loved. To know that you are just not just a random happening that occupy the a 6’x3’3’ space on this Earth for 70 some years, then be buried 6’ feet under, and that’s it. Instead, I have the capability to love and be loved. In fact, I am loved.
I remember a friend saying how fantastic of a feeling it was to have his girlfriend (at the time) know him so well, all his past history, all his inequities, and still want to spend time with him, love him, etc. To be exposed, yet embraced. How many friends would I lose with I made my internet history public? If my thoughts could be seen. It’s amazing when you can share a vulnerable part of you, whether it be a girl you liked, a sexual experience, a drug experience, your sexual orientation, our family situation, your physical insecurities, and still treat them the same. That’s what makes the gospel so powerful. A God that loved you before and after all these things, who knows you completely and loves you completely.
Sometimes following God seems blind. Seems like I throw away logic and everything that science has proved. I’ve tried to tell my mom not to turn off her iPad but rather simply sleep it. Whenever I explain to her why, her mind just doesn’t accept my logic and reasoning, so I wait the 30 seconds everytime I need to use her iPad. At one point I just told her, if you don’t want to look like a ditz using this $500 advanced tool, then just listen to me. Trust me. I know how to use this. Why? Because I’ve read articles, because I’ve used Apple devices myself, because I’m surrounded by it. I live and breathe in this generation of Apple devices, I don’t know how I know, but I’m 100% confident.
I draw this parallel between my mom trusting in me and trusting in Jesus.
...
“I’m so happy right now,” she quietly whispered as she smiled sitting in a bustling restaurant at midnight.
----
Summer is over. Kinda. I still don’t have class for another month, but the summer as I’ve known it to be for the past 6 years is over. Everyone continued down their own path; we should consider ourselves quite lucky that our pathes even crossed at all.
(I will not write for others, I will not write for others.)
Summer was good. Great. I really didn’t expect too much from this summer,as I thought most people would be gone and most of the time would be sucked away by working/studying anyway. Working did take a lot of time, but yet again, studying never really pushed through. I need to work on self studying, sigh.
Good friends and new friends. We found many reasons to hangout just watching the olympics, even witnessed some amazing events (the amazing vault for one), went to the beach, Batman, KOP, New York City, meeting Jia’s friends, and more that I already forget.
For some reason you always forget the times you hung out, the specific things you did. I have to try really hard to recall what we exactly did in New York or even the conversations we had, yet I know it was really meaningful in some way. Like when two people who otherwise never would have met, become friends, suddenly you have another buddy in this lonely world, and the world seems a little brighter. A little better.
No matter how great your charisma or your looks, everyone needs a friend. Odd to think about, that even these extraodinary people, take Obama for instance, still need their buddies, still have similar struggles to us. From struggling to wake up in the morning to procrastinating during work, we are similar. Money can’t be your friend and neither can knowing the cultures of multiple countries from having traveled abroad. Who is more loved, a member of a violent gang or Donald Trump? To have friends who would put a bullet to the head of someone who was against you?
Who will fight harder, mercenaries or loyal patriots with a cause?
Up to this point, some might think the whole point of life is to have good friend who have your back. I thank Essence for bringing up a hard topic of really, how does God fit into all of this? I had a CS professor who told the class that he thought the purpose of life was the create your own purpose. If there is no God, I would agree with him. If there is no God, I think you should just pack your life with as many “good times” as possible, how to live those good times is up to one to decide, although I would argue it would invovle other people. I don’t know, maybe someone can find complete purpose just being alone.
But with a God? With Jesus? There’s a goal, there’s a challenge. People are the most important portions of this Earth because they are a reflection of God, because each and every person has a potential to attain the greatest achievement of salvation, regardless of gender, race, or group. OF what you choose to wear, or your social hierarchy or tax bracket. This means the poor and rich have the same purpose, the same yearnings. The same water will quench their thirst.
As creepy as it sounds, I think as you get older, people watching becomes more interesting. I admit that I did some people watching in NYC at a Starbucks as we waited for our friends to come downtown from the subway. A fashionable hipster walked into Starbucks with a sense of rush and purpose, his skinny jeans not able to hold back his stride. A tired woman drinks her coffee as she responds to her morning emails. They collide pathes for a few minutes, but they probably won’t even notice each other. 99% of the time, at least. But that 1% when two strangers meet and hit it off for the few minutes they way together in line? Somehow it’s beautiful. Because you realize that no matter who they were, where they were from, how different they were, people are similar. We struggle with the same things. Perhaps we’re just looking for another buddy in the world because this world is too scary. We drown out the noise with our music, we escape reality with scripted idealistic movies and/or tv shows.
But no one lives like that. One of the weirdest parts about meeting celebrities is seeing that they’re not these perfect creatures you thought them to be. I bet Lil Wayne gets a little excited when he drinks 9 bubbles in a row too.
What is this water? To be loved. To know that you are just not just a random happening that occupy the a 6’x3’3’ space on this Earth for 70 some years, then be buried 6’ feet under, and that’s it. Instead, I have the capability to love and be loved. In fact, I am loved.
I remember a friend saying how fantastic of a feeling it was to have his girlfriend (at the time) know him so well, all his past history, all his inequities, and still want to spend time with him, love him, etc. To be exposed, yet embraced. How many friends would I lose with I made my internet history public? If my thoughts could be seen. It’s amazing when you can share a vulnerable part of you, whether it be a girl you liked, a sexual experience, a drug experience, your sexual orientation, our family situation, your physical insecurities, and still treat them the same. That’s what makes the gospel so powerful. A God that loved you before and after all these things, who knows you completely and loves you completely.
Sometimes following God seems blind. Seems like I throw away logic and everything that science has proved. I’ve tried to tell my mom not to turn off her iPad but rather simply sleep it. Whenever I explain to her why, her mind just doesn’t accept my logic and reasoning, so I wait the 30 seconds everytime I need to use her iPad. At one point I just told her, if you don’t want to look like a ditz using this $500 advanced tool, then just listen to me. Trust me. I know how to use this. Why? Because I’ve read articles, because I’ve used Apple devices myself, because I’m surrounded by it. I live and breathe in this generation of Apple devices, I don’t know how I know, but I’m 100% confident.
I draw this parallel between my mom trusting in me and trusting in Jesus.
...
“I’m so happy right now,” she quietly whispered as she smiled sitting in a bustling restaurant at midnight.
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