we learn the most when we hurt others..

physical attractiveness.

I'm still not sure what role, what good it plays in this world. To me, it seems to be a root cause of many "louder" problems, of which you can imagine yourself -- ones that we deem "causes," and rightfully so.

Yet, this root issue is something we judge ourselves and others against on a daily basis.

It determines who we interact with, in both same-sex and opposite-sex relationships, whether we'd like to admit it to ourselves or not...

one of those nights

that I question everything.

Am I doing what I'm suppose to be doing?

What's a heuristic to estimate if you're on the right path of life? I've always imagined a good way see if you are doing okay is if you are changing, if you are being challenged.

And I am right now, I am, I definitely am.

But there's so much inadequacy I feel, that I once didn't, or maybe I chose to ignore it.

all it takes is a one hard cs project to make me question my whole career

I missed church this morning.

I wanted to go, I set my alarms, but maybe I didn't turn them on?

Yet, when I woke up and realized it technically wasn't my fault that I missed church, I was happy to have an excuse to not go to church.

Fall quarter, I remember being excited every Sunday to hear the Word from Pastor Peter...

how do you approach the Word?

Despite my grumblings about bible dig-in, there's something truly beautiful about it. 

Bible dig-in is where all the small group leaders of AAIV come together and go through (almost) all the bible passages for the quarter. It's a whole day ordeal of studying Luke, passage by passage. By the end of the day, we are all exhausted.

HOWEVER

There's something different about when we study the Word in bible dig-in than when we study it ourselves. 

When I read the bible on my own, I approach it in a "what can I get out of this?" way. It's about my own comfort, my own understanding. Not sure if this is so to speak a "bad way" to approach reading the bible, BUT ...

...in bible digin, you can tell that every small group leader is thirsty for the word and yearning to understand every single aspect of the passage. Not only for theirselves, but we learn because we are dying to understand so that we can pass it on to our family groups. Because if we don't understand it, then how will we explain it to our family groups? 

Of course, that last sentence is a bit cryptic. God is sovereign and will communicate the message He wants to communicate regardless of our good or bad bible studies. Nevertheless, we want to know every corner of the passage.

And from that change in approach, a new and better understanding of these passages come about.

When AAIV seniors stop going to AAIV stuff or even TASC/CSA upperclassmen stop having a duty within that organization, they stop attending. With good reason -- there's nothing there for them to do. It's important not to just "chill" and serve, because it's how we're called to live. 

In the same way, I think if Christians don't approach the word with the intention to serve, much of the power within it might be lost.

warning: haven't thought this through thoroughly, but this idea has been on my mind so I thought I'd get it out in writing. 

the lost

I'm reading Luke 15 in preparation for family group tonight, and I think I've always thought this but never actually considered it. This verse:

“What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?

For the longest time, I've just thought, "Yeah, that makes sense." Of course, I'd go after that last sheep. But I was just thinking it about this, I realized that I definitely wouldn't. I already have 99 of them, why do I need the last one?

It's almost like when I do homeworks, projects, or tests....I'm entirely content with like a 80% as this point in my computer science career. I don't really care about the other 20%, as long as I'm about to obtain that first 80%, I'll be alright.

But to God? No, this isn't some grade to him, or even a percentage (as emphasized with the other parables in Luke 15 and the differing percentages), but simply about the LOST and the DEAD. When Jesus says the above, it's almost as if he's saying, "Doesn't the shepherd do that," like it's the totally natural thing to do. Of course the shepherd searches for the lost sheep and of course the woman searches for her lost coin. There's no question about it.

That is how God searches for the lost. I think that's how God wants us to search for the lost. It says when the woman searches for the coin, she "light[s] a lamp and sweep[s] the house and seek[s] diligently until she finds it."

Aren't we called to do at least as much as this woman searches for her coin to seek the lost?

increasing the peace.

This song, "London," was inspired after the London subway bombings in 2005.

i'm awkward.

so, so awkward.

back to the basics

I am no good.

The only reason why I am good is because Christ's righteousness is credited to me. Christ is the only good that dwells in me.

Therefore, with Christ's righteousness, I have nothing to fear for the Holy Spirit dwells in me.

God is the only thing is the only thing that can satisfy me, but He can satisfy me fully.

recent confusion

Confusion as to what I'm supposed to be doing.

Unsure if I've simply lost passion/skill for what I was so passionate about before, or am I being called to something else...

first week, spring quarter

time to stop bumming around and decide what i want to do this quarter.

1. try my best in school
2. lv
3. family group
4. ays this quarter?
5. workout