Some updates.
Had a mental breakdown on the 'L' yesterday while onroute to my Backstop interview. So much of me is invested in attaining a job of some sort, too much of me. With an hour and half to think and process everything, it became even scarier when I realized I had banked so much on this part of me...and this part of me was failing miserably.
My resume looks good enough to land an interview, which is a good change from the past year, but I still can't seem to get past interviews. I've essentially gone 0 for 6? I've gotten past 1st round, then failed on second for some.
But my identity lies in me being a Son of God and not me having the ability to attain a well-paying computer science job. Maybe it's a lesson better learned now than after I get a job/internship. The entire time on the L I was just praying. Strange that times when I feel the most desperate and hopeless, those are the times I feel the closest to God.
I did better than I expected in the interview, proud of what I did. But the next day, I got a rejection email.
Nevertheless, I do need to study cs more.
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Men's Den. It has been great getting to know the guys on a "getting comfortable around each other" level. I can no longer say I am not in the AAIV clique. Whether I like it or not, I live around 10 AAIV junior guys that are all pretty active within AAIV...I am in this group.
It's good in the sense that I did want to get to know the guys living here better, but it's bad in the sense that it hasn't served a place for others of our class to get to know each other. Paul's commuting. Benison lives offcampus. Jihoon lives far away. Just multiple things. I don't want to add to clique building...
Should plan more class events.
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Family Group. It seems like it's going well. I should talk to more freshmen in Elder, but my members themselves seem to be getting along. I definitely have a completely different perspective from last year, but I can see that the result of my family group is...not from me. I can't make people excited or how they react to passage or my explanations.
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Friends.
I suck at friendships. Having a heart for many people makes you a terrible friend. I'm sorry Crystal, Yuri.
I still haven't figured out this work, social life, academic life balance.
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Strong desires for girls/gf arising in me and I hate it...just not the time.
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My sections get shorter and shorter as I become lazier to write.
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