secrets

A year ago, there were no secrets. I spoke my mind and brought in personal life examples, because I walked around like an open book. I shared my life with strangers. Truly, I had nothing to hide. In fact, in retrospect, I had a lot of pride that I wanted to show off too.

Then I went through a relationship, and (even more related to secrets) some things happened over the summer that were unrelated to my previous relationship (I felt the need to clarify).

And just like that, I have secrets, I have walls. I also had secrets four years ago in my high school relationship, although now that is far enough removed that I feel comfortable sharing -- no one at Northwestern knows who my high school girlfriend was anyway. But even more so this time around, this past is complicated; I don't share partly because I'm not proud of it, but also because I'm not sure what happened in those time periods. My mind was hazy, but who knows, maybe it still is. Sometimes I think about the decisions I made, but most days I don't think about it. Dwelling on the past does no one any good.

There's really no one to blame. I suppose it's a part of life. I don't like these walls, but they are necessary for now. So I apologize for keeping secrets; I think I'm a colder person from it.