aaiv leadership

I knew it. Small group leading. (or Family Group?)

It's like that wish that you really wanted but shouldn't have. On one hand, I'm super excited. I want to foster a community within AAIV. I want to correct the mistakes that I did while leading a small group my senior year in high school. I want to break the barrier between upperclassmen and underclassmen, between leader and member. I want small group to be a place where people can call it home.

Honestly, small group has been disappointing for me in AAIV. I don't know. Freshmen year was disappointing in general. Kevin (my current small group leader) has been great, but small group doesn't seem like a family when I'm the only one that consistently comes out..besides Kevin of course.

So on one hand, I want to create this community that I myself has desired so much. But on the other hand, I've never witnessed it. I've only witnessed it fail. Maybe not fail, but it wasn't the way I imagined it.

I'm afraid to fail. It's got to suck when it's spring quarter and you realize your ambitions as a small group leader haven't been a achieved and probably won't be achieved, even though you have such good intentions.

But I guess that's no reason to reject the position. In fact, I guess that just reflects how I still want to be in control. How I think I have the power to create communities. No, Rich. That might be your desire, but it's only through God those things will happen.

I'm afraid to invest in so much and get back so little. Sounds like I'm talking about a relationship. But again, I have the wrong mentality. It's not about what I get back. It's not a karma system. giving to get. I give because God gave so much, not because I expect something back, be reputation or personal ministry.

God, prepare me. Help me see this.

I'm not pleased how this post turned out because I wanted it to be like a post with pro's and con's, but I sort of just saw how my con's are ...not aligned with God's vision. Here we go, so help me God.