Is it bad that the thing I'm probably looking forward to most right now is the four hours I'll have to myself when traveling from Philadelphia to St.Louis?
Yes, it is bad. It is very bad. It's not that my days are so filled with events now either, but there's no duties when traveling. There's nothing to get done.
Here, time spent alone feels like its being wasted. I could be spending time with family, friends, exercising, reading, etc. And with all these things on my mind, I'm not at peace.
Maybe it's a state of mind type thing, where it's really my own mind that's stopping me.
I sleep at ridiculous hours of the night, and I don't say that like I'm proud but rather that I'm embarrassed.
I feel much closer to my family when I'm in Chicago. Just seems like there's nothing to do with my family, nothing to talk about.
I talked to an..."old friend" the other day, I guess you could say. His Facebook, his "godly" words make him seem like he's experienced some dramatic transformation from his hole last year. And I just can't seem to accept it. This guy that acted like a total douche last year now pulling on the christian phrases out, giving out as much godly advice as possible, without people asking for it.
I'm so skeptical and I can't accept the change. I guess him being a dick on LoL doesn't help. Sigh, it's hard to change your perception of someone. But at the same time, withholding judgment and loving your enemies is at the CORE of what I believe.
Yet I judge harshly. And see myself above my "enemies."
Create in me a new heart, oh God.
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