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The best feeling from working out is the feeling of accomplishment afterwards. It's undeniable. It's rest earned. Because rest is not rest without work.

I'm not sure what point I'm trying to get across this post. I think I did work this past winter quarter. I think I tried harder in CS than I've ever tried. Strangely enough, corners were still cut and I'm still wondering how anyone actually does the CS curriculum while maintaining sleep and a life. 

And it feels good. To say that I tried really hard in algorithms (okay, I could've tried harder, but I tried harder in that class than in discrete math). But still, there seems to be something missing.

One thing I miss about sophomore year is the passion I had. Although my understanding of the gospel has improved this past year definitely, my passion last year was...illogical. Reckless. It didn't make sense. How badly I wanted to see a better community within AAIV (given that I probably valued community too much), but I wanted it and I sought after it. 

It reminds me of new Christian, although they may not understand the gospel as closely as a someone who has been a Christian for a longer period of time, they're passion is undeniable. They've tasted and seen that He is good and they just want more, and they is something so beautiful in that. And they dream big.

Recently, I read Kerri's post, and I am guilty of "intellectualizing the shit out of everything." I don't want to write on my opinions of this aspect of AAIV or how I feel about this approach to doing XYZ. Too much talk. Not enough doing.

I remember when the Knettlers came to talk at WCEC about ...themselves. They planted our Delaware church and then now they're off in Africa planting a church. I remember them saying, "We...don't really know anything. Neither of us have been to seminary. We simply trust." 

Taking risks and trusting in God s how we are suppose to live, if we do anything else, we are putting our trust in something else. We cannot serve two masters.

So I pray, for my scared self, to trust God more and take risks. To talk to strangers. To talk to people I wouldn't normally talk to, to take risks with people I wouldn't normally take risks with, to not fear awkwardness, or tiredness. To not fear rejection or failure. 

Only then will rest become rest, and God become God over my life. 

I don't know if this post made sense.