His Power

Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to force a change on yourself. I'm not talking about picking up a new hobby, which in itself is still pretty hard, but not impossible. I'm talking about changing the way you live your life.

Yes, I have role models and I aspire to live like them, but can I really become them, just through simple repetition and effort? This "Man of God" image I have in my head...it's impossible to achieve without the power of God. Yes, after retreats, I'm so inspired to "put away childish things," but it's not so easy.

I have changed from freshmen year in high school. I went from school girl-crazed, constantly flirting guy to becoming...well, less so. Especially the constantly flirting part. I remember talking to Jenny Fei about this wayyyy back during freshmen year Spring Retreat. Change didn't just happen in a day...it gradually overcame me until one day I realized I was different. And glory be to God for that transformation because I couldn't have done it without Him.

Last year, Rich the antisocial freshman, very reserved, always had his "walls up," as Christine Kim said. I still astound myself when I see myself communicating with different people, 1 on 1, very comfortably and confidently. I didn't expect to get tight with Eshin, or Steven Pan...or any of the freshmen really. Or Bobb bros.

I remember reading something during Senior year of high school, or it was probably something that Uncle John said that went something along the lines like this:
God works through your weaknesses and makes them your strengths. I'm sure God also works through your strength too, but when God works through your weaknesses, and you suddenly (or gradually) see yourself overcoming barriers you couldn't before...you HAVE to attribute that to God, because there was no way you could have changed your weakness yourself.

John Piper stuttered and was scared of public speaking in High School.

So stuff like this makes me wonder if I should have this goal in mind, or whether I should just continue to seek God, and the changes that He wants me to have will simply naturally come over time.

I don't know. I would like to say man's willpower has something to deal with it still though.

In other news, I still need to work on that prayer journal.