times like these

Times like these that make me realize that I don't really trust God. I trust my skills (or at least, I want to trust my skills) to get me that job, that internship...not even for the money. Okay, a little bit for the money, but for a job worth having, a job that keeps me getting up in the morning for, what 40 years?

I don't know the balance between hard work and trusting God.

I read Mark 1 today. It's so abridged to the point that so many details are left out...actually I feel that away about most of the Bible I've read. Suddenly, Jesus calls 4 fisherman to follow him, and BAM, they drop their things and leave. In Luke, there's at least a build up to calling Peter, with the miracle of catching fish, beating Peter at his own trade. But for some reason, Mark doesn't find that necessary.

Was he that captivating? I don't think anyone is that captivating. Not even the most beautiful girl in the world can simply ask me to drop my career path and leave. It's a miracle in itself that Jesus is able to get these guys to follow him like that. Had to be the work of God in them.

I want to find that balance. I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, I vowed to go to sleep at 11pm everyday. And I did, whether I finished studying or not, I went to sleep at 11..with strange peace. Maybe that's what it's like--to prepare yourself, but at the same time, know your boundary. Even if you weren't able to fully prepare, to not worry. To not worry. To let go.

Whew, that is going to take some time.

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Finally implemented PrintEngine into d3display, but still much more to do.
Studied Ruby/Rails for most of the day today. First impression, pretty tough.
Eyes are getting real tired of looking at computer screen so intently.