jn

I knew he was going to prayer meetings, which is the specific reason I didn't want to go. Well, things happened (hanging out with JO), and I ended up "accidentally" going to a prayer meeting. Not accidentally I guess, I knew I was going, but it would've been awkward if I didn't go. And I wanted to go, I just didn't want to see him there

But he was there. Maybe the verse he mentioned was for me too. 

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Talking to DR, she said that it wasn't right for me to hold the bitterness. I am wronging God wronging him. Either way, it's a challenge, a trial, for both of us to learn from. 

Had to share with LO because this sort of would affect Men's Den since he plans on living there.

Then, I told my roommate about it...(this is why I didn't post last night...way too late). Of course I'm in the wrong for holding bitterness, but my roommate saw exactly why I reacted the way I did. Some of the things he said were just downright wrong and awkward. So wrong. So awkward. I won't repeat them because I don't want people to view him differently, but honestly...sure I view friendship differently and maybe my umbrella of things you can say to a guy is smaller, but saying THAT is definitely not healthy. In any relationship. 

LO says he's stubborn though and I need to be the bigger man and take the hit.

But what does taking the hit mean? Forcing myself to be good friends with someone? Friendship isn't forced. It's natural, it's "organic," as LO said. 

I really don't know what to do, but this whole no communication thing is definitely not good. I will just talk to him and be lovingly honest. I can't be entirely loving or else it will involve me acting like a fake friend, and that's basically the equivalent of leading someone on (the gf/bf parallels in the situation freak me the fuck out). I can't be entirely honest because that might destroy him.

I need a list of points I need to get out and a list of points that I CANNOT say, even if I want to. 

God, help me through these trials. If I get through this, maybe if another person has guy-guy problems, I can help them, sympathize with them. 

If this gets resolved, there is no way that it got resolved within my own power.