quick to listen

--

it's never too late!

Passing by HHS graduation...

I can't believe it's been a whole year. I definitely don't feel like a sophomore in college.

"I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or
any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now.
Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

Freshmen Year

God, it's been a hell of a year.

I tried to write a bunch of memories of freshmen year I had, but I could barely get past the first month before I decided to stop. There are too many.

Sophie told me today that people have noticed that I've changed. Strange since I don't think many people knew me that well first quarter...or second...or now.

As I sit in my empty dorm room, I can't help but think of all the experiences that happened in this room. Elder 229 is more than just a room to me, but a symbol of this year. My roommate and I coming together through longboarding, me going through the hardships of adapting in college, long bored nights spent alone.

I thought I would be ready to run away from freshmen year and quickly shelf it away and try not to remember. But I can't believe I am leaving this dorm room tomorrow, this campus, these people. Make no lie, I LOVE WCEC, but man...this campus is my home now. I didn't think I would say that. But Sheridan Road, the fraternity quads with the trees, and Lisa's, and SPAC, and the lake...this campus is home.

It's odd staring at an empty room. Last time I saw it like this was the beginning of the year, when I was with here with my parents. Them helping me set up everything, then exploring campus. My how I've changed.

I can't even put my tongue on it. I've become so much more aware of my shortcomings. I've discovered more about how situations are entirely out of my control.

I've rediscovered the gospel again and again. I've felt God lift my heart from a sad and raw state through a mediocre sermon.

I know what a "first love" of Jesus now.

See you in the Fall. Farewell, 229. It's been good.

God, why I am I so fucking selfish...

take it away, God....

Isa 55

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Rich, don't you see the yearning in their hearts?
Don't use see that they have that gaping hole in their heart, that thirst that they have?

You were given grace and welcomed, undeservingly.

You are for me

wikipedia.org/wiki/Judas_(song)

"Gaga further explained the inspiration behind the song: "It’s about constantly walking towards the light in my life, but always clutching onto the light while peering towards the devil in the back, [...] I sing about what a holy fool I am, and that although moments in my life are so cruel and relationships can be so cruel I’m still in love with Judas. I still go back again to those evil things." During her interview with Google, Gaga added to the song's meaning as about "honoring your darkness in order to bring yourself into the light, [...] You have to look into what’s haunting you and need to learn to forgive yourself in order to move on. And it’s really fun to dance to."^[2] She had also previously explained to Popjustice that she has a lot of things that have haunted her from her past, including her choices, men, drug abuse, being afraid to go back to New York, confronting old romances. Hence "Judas" represented something that was bad for her, something she cannot escape. Gaga said: I keep going back and forth between the darkness and the light in order to understand who I am."


We're just holy fools.

next 6 days

EA3 final
EECS101 final
EDC Final Report
EDC Prototype
EDC Presentation
EECS 202 final

I do struggle in finding where my academics go with God (or do they go somewhere?)