I screwed up bible study yesterday

"Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” Luke 10:20

Yesterday, I led bible study on the passage Luke 9:57-10:24. I talked how even though the cost of discipleship was high, it was worth it. Because we would be able to "see what prophets and kings wanted to see but could not see." Sounds okay, right?

Wrong. This is the wrong way to approach it. I only realized this while trying to explain the above verse (Luke 10:20) during bible study. In this approach, it's saying, "Jesus, I will follow you if I'm able to experience the joy of seeing shalom come." Of the reasons to follow Jesus, it's not a bad one, but still not the one that is correct.

Jesus, at the end of Luke 9, is telling people the cost of discipleship. He tells them that the "Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." He tells another man to not bury his father, and come follow him. He tells yet another man to not say farewell to his family, and come follow him. Why does Jesus not mention that you will experience the joy of shalom?

Because he doesn't need to. We follow Jesus FOR Jesus and nothing else. Yes, following Jesus does involve doing "Kingdom work," but that isn't why we are Christian. That isn't why we rejoice, and most importantly, that isn't how Jesus called those to follow him. In Luke 9, we were called to be FOLLOWERS. Only after becoming FOLLOWERS can we become workers. The seventy-two who follow Jesus after his radical and scary words at the end of the Luke 9, chose Jesus for Jesus. They followed him with no other promises other than the promise of Jesus being with them.

Why is this important? We can't do "kingdom work" until we make sure that it is only Jesus we desire. If the seventy-two came back and failed, they would still be able to rejoice, because their names are still written in heaven.

If we don't see this, then we will not be any different than any other social worker. In addition, what we build our faith upon will be destroyed by failure in "kingdom work."

So, let us not follow Jesus for the purpose of wanting to witness shalom, although that is a blessing that God may give us. Let us follow Jesus because who he is. Who is he?

At this point in Luke, he is a sinless man (Luke 4:1-13 the temptation of Jesus).
He is the one that speaks for those who can't speak otherwise.(Luke 4:31-36 the healing of a man with a demon)
He is the one who heals those who cannot be healed otherwise.(Luke 4:38-41 healing of Simon's mother-in-law)
He is the one who cleanses those who cannot be cleansed otherwise.(Luke 5:12-16 cleansing of a leper)
He is one who forgives sinners who cannot be forgiven otherwise. (Luke 7:36-50 alabastar jar/a sinful woman forgiven)

And he is the one who knowingly proceeds on the road to Jerusalem, completely cognizant that he will suffer the cross. (Luke 9:21-22). Why? So that we may have the power of being WITH God, so that the veil between US and GOD may be torn. So that we could experience shalom and Emmanuel, God WITH us.

As Peter calls him in Luke 9, Jesus is the "Christ of God," "The Messiah."

Therefore --

Let us not rejoice that the spirits submit to us, but rather that

OUR NAMES ARE WRITTEN IN HEAVEN.

Luke 10:20

here's a question to think about:

Do we idolize our leadership and involvement in AAIV. Could we still grow in our faith without serving?

How can I be so blind?

The essence, the core of Christianity derives from humility.

"Every man is my superior in that I may learn from him."

prayer chalking

I won't write much. event

It wasn't what I expected. I expected people to be more open to it, after all chalking is fun. I didn't expect us to need to ask people if they wanted to chalk, and I didn't expect the Arch to be as dimly lit as it was.

Nevertheless, it was good to be able to pray for Northwestern, to devote so much time to prayer, and to see the same human desires in all of us.

It was very cold, but it was almost a testing of perseverance.

I wish people weren't so rushed in life all the time, but we did pick a rush-hour time.

"What's your great grandfather's name?"

I responded in an instant--"I don't know his name."

"Exactly!" Peter Yoon said. "Neither do I know mine, other than the fact that he had children."

--

edit: coming back to this post.

This desire for fame in us stems from another desire, a desire for us to be fully known.

Many look for fame, for them to pass on a legacy, but this a prime example of how lacking this goal is. How many people remember their great grandfather's name? In 3 generations your name will be forgotten. Even the music greats of our parents, our children will most likely not know. Artists we know now, say John Mayer, will become a diminishing name in 1 generation and gone in 2. Even the Mathematical geniuses, say Euler, maybe his name will be remembered and taught forever.

But I don't want to be known what I've done. I don't want to be remembered as Rich the kid who invented X.

Our desire is to be fully known. And even more than that, fully known and fully accepted. For us in all our glory and in all our sin, to be known. And for that to be all in the mind of a person, and for that person to say, I love you completely.

Not, I like everything about you except that you could be a little better looking, but you're not bad. No. To be wholly and completely accepted.

This is what God called intimacy, and He created people to be in intimacy with each other and with him. Some may call this shalom. Only in this intimacy, do insecurities become perfections. Only in this do we lose the need to prove ourselves to be better people, to prove our selves worthy. Only in this intimacy, can we find meaning and purpose, innate worth, and mostly importantly, life how it was meant to be lived.

hinman speaks.

I suppose I should praise God for these spiritual talks about the meaning of existence with our non-christian neighbors.

And I am. I don't think it'd be right to not engage when we have so many Christians in one suite and not engage.

Yet my heart breaks when everything is talked about on such an intellectual and logical level. Because they miss it.

I'm sorry for the Crusades. I don't know how to explain them. It is in our past, and I can't deny it. What if the Christians didn't win that war? I don't know. Would Christianity have been as prevalent as it is today? I don't know. I don' know. I can only apologize for the Crusades, and acknowledge that Christians are not good people. We are terrible sinners.

And I don't know whether predestination trumps free will or free will trumps predestination.

I don't know.

But Christianity isn't a religion accepted through textbooks. God hides himself from the rich and reveals himself to the poor. God hides himself from the wise and reveals himself to children. God hides himself from the prideful and reveals himself to the humble. Jesus is God's way for the sinner. Only sinners may take this path.

Because the poor, the children, the humble -- sinners, only they see their desperate need for God. Only is God's light so clear and so life-giving when your own life is so dark.

You can't accept Christ a prideful man. There is simply no way. Christ comes when you become humble and recognize how weak we truly our, how susceptible to sin we truly are. Christ comes when we acknowledge that we with money and stability, that we lack meaning and we lack purpose. So we run to the creator of life, who before man first breathed, purposed his life and gave him meaning.

Father, open our hearts to hear.

I rarely remember my dreams, but I guess I remember the crazy ones.

Last night I dreamed that one of my Delaware friends committed suicide. (Not a DE friend who reads this blog though.)

I've been reading through Genesis, and I'm reminded of when Joseph says, "All dreams are from God." I wonder

Put my blog on FB.

I've always struggled with writing material for people who read vs writing material for myself.

The purpose of this blog (back in 2009) was for me to improve my writing for college.

It didn't work.

Now, the purpose of this blog is for me to collect my thoughts and reflect on them. Those times after an event and you want to delve deeper about it?

Well, after times like that, I do stop and think a lot, but I blog because I'll forget the things I've learned. I'll forget the journey I've been on.

Of course, there are externalities of public blog, both positive and negative. The positive being that people can discover who I am, because many times it's tough to reach past the shallow parts of the relationship with people. However, the negative being that my blog becomes people pleasing rather than an actual personal, reflective blog.

So Father, I pray for you to keep me humble. I thank you for this passion of blogging that you've given me, and I pray that you would keep me humble, for these abilities are from you and no other.

"You learn the most when hurt someone."

today

-Using the bible in a meal or in a conversation. Definitely a first for me.
-Good yet straining talks about the gospel, AAIV structure. I feel like we will never find a good way to do it. And I want AAIV to be a home, not New Com. Is that wrong?
-Went to Jame's 21st birthday party. Was debating on whether or not to go, but definitely happy I went. I fared okay in a room full of fraternity brothers and sorority sisters. Talked to Danielle about traveling and studying abroad.
-Did terrible in beer pong with James. Beer pong at Allen's definitely made me overconfident. I got nothing on fraternity brothers.
-Christian talk mingled with humor with the Men's Den.

Peace be to this place.

good night

The danger of community is when you define yourself by the community. You grow a reputation--not even becoming popular-just attaining a reputation.

Suddenly I have something to lose. And I fear it, I don't want to be looked upon as that loser. I want to maintain my image of...whatever this image that others perceive me as, I don't even know. But I want to maintain it.

I think I am better than that searching kid freshman year, who struggled to know who he was. I think I've "matured."

But no, if anything that searching kid knew something that I didn't, had a heart for God, and longed earnestly to find God. He wasn't concerned with reputation, he just wanted to be a Son of God.

No. I forget my sin, I forget what a foolish person I really am. The only thing I should boast in is how much I need Christ.

Somehow I've lost that along the way.

Father, give me ears to hear. I pray that I wouldn't be choked by life's pleasures, but I would come before you with a noble and good heart. To hear.

content

I am content with where I am.
And I hate it.

Three days into school starting, and I've "got it down." Somehow my Urbana experience has inspired me to stay on top of school work and exercise. For the first time in college, I'm reading what the professor is talking about during lecture, before I even go to lecture! And I've waken up 3 days in a row now to run. And I'm way ahead in my bible reading schedule. I pray.

And I'm content. I give myself a pat on the back.

But I don't want to be content. I want to be someone who desires; no, LONGS FOR; no, desperately NEEDS Jesus every. single. day. Three days in and I already feel this dissatisfying complacency that I've landed myself in.

That's the downside to bible reading schedules, when Bible readings become part of your to-do list rather than the word that God refers to when he says, "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

The bible was not meant to be read, but to be devoured and taken up, and lived day by day with.

wow

http://www.intervarsity.org/blog/word-urbana-12

My post got linked to in the "On learning from Luke 10 in manuscript study" bullet.

O.o

Never got told that they were going to link to it or anything. Weird.

winter quarter

Sunday night before this quarter starts, and I'm just trying to think, how do I want this quarter to go?

I fear. I fear that I can't pass my classes without cheating in some shape.
I fear that I'll never get in the habit of exercising, and I'll continue to packing on weight.
I fear that the most interesting topics that I bring to the table for conversation are the TV shows I watch.
I fear that my sole source of consolation and excitement will come from video games.
I fear that the casual community between random 'Hinhams' will be greater than our intentional, Christian community at Men's Den.
I fear that I'll just be another Christian that fakes it.
I fear to be a Christian who never takes the risk.
I fear being the son that forgets his parents.
I fear being the son that dreads spending time with his family.
I fear being the father that dreads spending time with his family.

I want sleep to be for resting not for boredom.
I want to cry out to God, not to be bored of praying and reading.
I want to enjoy and try my best in my classes, not scrape by with the bare minimum.
I want to be a disciplined man who exercises and eats healthily.
I want to be a family group leader who needs the bible studies more than his members.
I want to enjoy the presence of my family, and for them to be blessed by mine.
I want to speak to my parents about my faith like I speak to my friends.

I want to learn how to follow the dangerous and crazy Jesus of the gospel, and take risks, but at the same time, not betraying who I am, as a natural introvert. Although, is that denying oneself?

I want to reach the end of this quarter, the end of my time at Northwestern, the end of my life, and think, "This was not wasted. Not one bit."