Faith, Hope and Love.
Be faithful to your wife, to your friends, to yourself.
Know that your HOPE is eternal and completely independent of yourself.
Be loving to those around you; a little love goes a long way.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
tech lab
Over the past two quarters, I've been working in a computer lab in the basement of Tech (our science and engineering building). It's really a do-nothing job that I get paid for, and I get free printing, a "homework-job" better than I ever imagined.
Anyway, every week, two computer lab workers are required to do a "deep cleaning" of the lab, where we wipe the computer monitors, vacuum the floor, and wipe the whiteboards. I do this every Saturday afternoon with Mark.
Mark is a junior Econ/Computer Science who did 3 internships his sophomore year and is doing another 3 internships this summer, and currently works. Basically has his professional life down.
I shared with him that I was part of AAIV through just general talking of who we hung out with. It was probably pretty obvious who I was friends with when I told him that I didn't drink over Dillo Day last year.
Out of the blue, this Saturday he asked me, "So, Rich....were you born Christian?"
I'm surprised how casually he brought it up, but at the same time, excited that he did. I told a 30 second slice how it was only through college that I had "made my faith my own."
We talked briefly about it. Probably the farthest that I've gone to sharing my faith.
"Why I love my faith is because I have a hope that isn't dependent on myself."
I write this because we're so career-focused, money-focused, relationship-focused sometimes, but sometimes you see a person that seems to have it all. I would kill for 1 internship, but 3?
He still is curious; he said that the people of Harvest (another Christian group on campus) always seemed happy, "too happy."
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost." - Isa 55:1
Anyway, every week, two computer lab workers are required to do a "deep cleaning" of the lab, where we wipe the computer monitors, vacuum the floor, and wipe the whiteboards. I do this every Saturday afternoon with Mark.
Mark is a junior Econ/Computer Science who did 3 internships his sophomore year and is doing another 3 internships this summer, and currently works. Basically has his professional life down.
I shared with him that I was part of AAIV through just general talking of who we hung out with. It was probably pretty obvious who I was friends with when I told him that I didn't drink over Dillo Day last year.
Out of the blue, this Saturday he asked me, "So, Rich....were you born Christian?"
I'm surprised how casually he brought it up, but at the same time, excited that he did. I told a 30 second slice how it was only through college that I had "made my faith my own."
We talked briefly about it. Probably the farthest that I've gone to sharing my faith.
"Why I love my faith is because I have a hope that isn't dependent on myself."
I write this because we're so career-focused, money-focused, relationship-focused sometimes, but sometimes you see a person that seems to have it all. I would kill for 1 internship, but 3?
He still is curious; he said that the people of Harvest (another Christian group on campus) always seemed happy, "too happy."
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost." - Isa 55:1
Friday, April 27, 2012
god speaks
I was thinking the other day about whether I wanted to go to Cedar this year, and that began a chain of thoughts abut Cedar. What happened, what I learned, who I talked to,..well honestly, I don't remember much, but I do remember being very excited about the Retreat of Silence that happens at Cedar.
Approximately 3-4 hours where the whole Cedar campus is required to stay silent and people are encouraged to go out and have quiet times. I was excited because I was so awkward, strongly introverted, and hated talking. This was right up my alley, I thought at the time.
I walked quickly and confidently to the end of the island. It must have been around a 20-30 minute walk through the woods to make it to the end. I sat down on a rock on that beautiful morning, quickly read the passage (of which I forget what it was), and my mind just took me away. I wasn't sure how they were sparked, but I began thinking about how I changed over that year and where to go from here for next year.
I thought, with my experience of being in the "in group" in WCEC and then completely shifting gears and becoming an "outsider" to the "in group" of AAIV, that I was called to do something within AAIV--why did God break me down so much that year?
My mind raced towards some quick reasoning. Maybe I was called to outreach? Maybe I was called to go out and bring people in for AAIV. Without having an "in group," it would be much easier. With my painful freshmen experiences, I could identify with the struggles of outsiders, those who slipped through the cracks of AAIV.
At the end of Retreat of Silence, I felt inspired, but at the same time skeptical whether it was all in my head or was it truth. How could a shy and socially awkward kid like myself be the one that outreached? I'm not cool. I barely have friends. I have no group of people to show these outsiders.
I forgot about these ideas after Cedar.
1 year later, I still have no primary friend group. But just talking to Chris Nho today for my leadership interview, I realize how far God has brought me, how much my experience has shaped how I interact with people, and honestly, how lucky I've been to get to know so many new people my sophomore year in college. Everyone I talk with this year on a regular basis, besides Bernard, I did not talk to last year.
And not by my own effort, but by events and occurrences completely outside of my control.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today was a good day, but for some reason I was brought down again by the fact I really have no true friend group. (One of the reasons I'm so excited for Men's Den.) I'm afraid to admit that it brought me down for a while, even still. But I was called to this life, for this year at least.
I must remember that my worth is from being a Son of God and nothing else.
Approximately 3-4 hours where the whole Cedar campus is required to stay silent and people are encouraged to go out and have quiet times. I was excited because I was so awkward, strongly introverted, and hated talking. This was right up my alley, I thought at the time.
I walked quickly and confidently to the end of the island. It must have been around a 20-30 minute walk through the woods to make it to the end. I sat down on a rock on that beautiful morning, quickly read the passage (of which I forget what it was), and my mind just took me away. I wasn't sure how they were sparked, but I began thinking about how I changed over that year and where to go from here for next year.
I thought, with my experience of being in the "in group" in WCEC and then completely shifting gears and becoming an "outsider" to the "in group" of AAIV, that I was called to do something within AAIV--why did God break me down so much that year?
My mind raced towards some quick reasoning. Maybe I was called to outreach? Maybe I was called to go out and bring people in for AAIV. Without having an "in group," it would be much easier. With my painful freshmen experiences, I could identify with the struggles of outsiders, those who slipped through the cracks of AAIV.
At the end of Retreat of Silence, I felt inspired, but at the same time skeptical whether it was all in my head or was it truth. How could a shy and socially awkward kid like myself be the one that outreached? I'm not cool. I barely have friends. I have no group of people to show these outsiders.
I forgot about these ideas after Cedar.
1 year later, I still have no primary friend group. But just talking to Chris Nho today for my leadership interview, I realize how far God has brought me, how much my experience has shaped how I interact with people, and honestly, how lucky I've been to get to know so many new people my sophomore year in college. Everyone I talk with this year on a regular basis, besides Bernard, I did not talk to last year.
And not by my own effort, but by events and occurrences completely outside of my control.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today was a good day, but for some reason I was brought down again by the fact I really have no true friend group. (One of the reasons I'm so excited for Men's Den.) I'm afraid to admit that it brought me down for a while, even still. But I was called to this life, for this year at least.
I must remember that my worth is from being a Son of God and nothing else.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
the library
Changes in my life:
Uninstalled LoL. Starting to go to Norris and Main library more.
First time I actually wrote a legit essay in college tonight. Wrote from 9pm to 3am. Not bad IMHO, given it was an engineering essay, so it probably isn't going to be graded harshly on quality of writing...not bad. Shout out to Crystal for keeping me company, haha.
Not feeling any topics, at the moment....good night?
Uninstalled LoL. Starting to go to Norris and Main library more.
First time I actually wrote a legit essay in college tonight. Wrote from 9pm to 3am. Not bad IMHO, given it was an engineering essay, so it probably isn't going to be graded harshly on quality of writing...not bad. Shout out to Crystal for keeping me company, haha.
Not feeling any topics, at the moment....good night?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
answered prayers
Last year, Winter to Spring Quarter, there is honestly only one prayer that I remember.
"God, make my relationship with you personal."
I remember likening it to the example in Blue Like Jazz, where the Donald Miller talks of a woman who always seemed like "she just got off the phone with God."
Now, I'm not there yet. But looking on this past year, I can finally see this personal relationship forming. My faith is so much less dependent on my friends.
"God, make my relationship with you personal."
I remember likening it to the example in Blue Like Jazz, where the Donald Miller talks of a woman who always seemed like "she just got off the phone with God."
Now, I'm not there yet. But looking on this past year, I can finally see this personal relationship forming. My faith is so much less dependent on my friends.
"And as you stand before this Christ you will do so alone. You will not be able hide in a crowd. You will not have your family or church or well-wishers to stand in the gap. Just you. Your name will be called and you will rise to stand before him.
At that moment what your parents thought of you will be inconsequential. Whether you were popular or rich or intelligent will make no difference. Your diplomas will be of no use to you. Your talents and earthly treasure will not matter. When you see Christ as he is, for who he is, you will not be neutral. Your response will not be tepid. No one will equivocate or find some middle ground. You will either thrill to realize that this is the One you have loved and have longed to look upon, or you will hate to look on One so lovely when you’d rather be looking at yourself."
At that moment what your parents thought of you will be inconsequential. Whether you were popular or rich or intelligent will make no difference. Your diplomas will be of no use to you. Your talents and earthly treasure will not matter. When you see Christ as he is, for who he is, you will not be neutral. Your response will not be tepid. No one will equivocate or find some middle ground. You will either thrill to realize that this is the One you have loved and have longed to look upon, or you will hate to look on One so lovely when you’d rather be looking at yourself."
Kevin DeYoung
Friday, April 20, 2012
the ungodly hour
The general bleh.
From friend groups to understanding assembly code.
From girls to waking up.
From awkwardness to pursing goals.
From friend groups to understanding assembly code.
From girls to waking up.
From awkwardness to pursing goals.
pseudopost
Interesting things happening recently, all I should probably write about...
...open forum with sg
...open forum with sg
- segregation on campus
- is segregation bad?
- abortion
- gay marriage
...ted's birthday/camping out on the lakefill in really cold weather
...longboarding, jane got a new board..and ron got jane's old (but basically new) board!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
i wonder
What it would be like to go without a computer? I think Eddie posted about this on his xanga a while back. Now, of course, I can't go completely without. But I think to go without my personal laptop is very possible. Cut off facebook. Only gmail on school computers.
Would have to physically write down my calendar. Would actually have to call people (I hear it's an added feature on most smartphones). Be much more intentional in my relationships.
But honestly, it's a little weird calling girls that I talk to on IM. I wonder if it was always so. Or I co uld hangout in Norris all day, like some kids do.
Probably be more productive. No more League of Legends. Hurt my eyes less. Take advantage of the good weather. Waste less time.
I don't ever want a smartphone. There are so many situations where I feel it'd be so comfortable right now to have a smartphone. It challenges me so much more. Maybe I should rid texting.
Wow...one step at a time here, Rich...
Would have to physically write down my calendar. Would actually have to call people (I hear it's an added feature on most smartphones). Be much more intentional in my relationships.
But honestly, it's a little weird calling girls that I talk to on IM. I wonder if it was always so. Or I co uld hangout in Norris all day, like some kids do.
Probably be more productive. No more League of Legends. Hurt my eyes less. Take advantage of the good weather. Waste less time.
I don't ever want a smartphone. There are so many situations where I feel it'd be so comfortable right now to have a smartphone. It challenges me so much more. Maybe I should rid texting.
Wow...one step at a time here, Rich...
veritas
I'm writing this because I'll probably forget the arguments later on. To be honest, I probably already forgot.
Ian Hutchinson argued that science couldn't explain everything. That yes, science is great, but it is bounded. Science is a part of knowledge, but science does not equate knowledge.
For example, he gave the example of music. We can know every note played, we can even get a digital copy of music and know the exact frequency and tones. But science will never be able to tell you how the song makes you feel, the thought that goes into a song, the emotions that come from listening to a song. Something that we experience everyday, that we know to be true...but isn't scientific.
Science has its bounds, basically. He said science is based on witnessing the normal occurrences of the laws of physics, biology, astronomy, chemistry, etc. But he says Christians believe this is a display of God's faithfulness to keep things in order, but by no means is God bound by these laws. Miracles are completely possible in God's realm, just science can't explain it because science only studies what happens on a normal basis.
God can't be in the realm of science. The relationship that God offers can't be defined through science. He didn't give much thought on the origins of life and evolution (disappointing for many including myself), but he basically said...either way, it wouldn't give us full knowledge of the meaning of life.
He came to believe in God through Jesus. He came to believe Jesus to be who he claimed to be, and from that, he believes that God exists.
I'm already starting to forget stuff. Maybe I'll ask him for his powerpoint.
Ian Hutchinson argued that science couldn't explain everything. That yes, science is great, but it is bounded. Science is a part of knowledge, but science does not equate knowledge.
For example, he gave the example of music. We can know every note played, we can even get a digital copy of music and know the exact frequency and tones. But science will never be able to tell you how the song makes you feel, the thought that goes into a song, the emotions that come from listening to a song. Something that we experience everyday, that we know to be true...but isn't scientific.
Science has its bounds, basically. He said science is based on witnessing the normal occurrences of the laws of physics, biology, astronomy, chemistry, etc. But he says Christians believe this is a display of God's faithfulness to keep things in order, but by no means is God bound by these laws. Miracles are completely possible in God's realm, just science can't explain it because science only studies what happens on a normal basis.
God can't be in the realm of science. The relationship that God offers can't be defined through science. He didn't give much thought on the origins of life and evolution (disappointing for many including myself), but he basically said...either way, it wouldn't give us full knowledge of the meaning of life.
He came to believe in God through Jesus. He came to believe Jesus to be who he claimed to be, and from that, he believes that God exists.
I'm already starting to forget stuff. Maybe I'll ask him for his powerpoint.
sophomore struggle
Maybe I sounded a bit pretentious in some of my previous posts, like I'm Mr. Popular. I do not have 5 IM conversations all the time, I'll be lucky if I have one going, and they're always self-initiated.
I went to an AAIV sophomore's surprise birthday tonight...and felt out of place. Probably because my "typical" sophomore friends didn't go, but it still sucks that I can't feel comfortable at my own class's event. That I'd rather go to a freshmen gathering than a sophomore gathering. Maybe?
It's not that the people aren't nice, they're great. In fact, I've gotten meals with most of them, had great conversations with them, 1v1. But still, there's something missing. A good conversation/meal doesn't makeup for a year of not hanging out (or I guess two years now?). They might know my passions and some experiences....but still something is missing. It's that group dynamic that I haven't had.
I can't blame them. It's the little remnants from my freshmen year experience that has shaped so much of who I am and what my passions are on this campus.
I don't know.
I went to an AAIV sophomore's surprise birthday tonight...and felt out of place. Probably because my "typical" sophomore friends didn't go, but it still sucks that I can't feel comfortable at my own class's event. That I'd rather go to a freshmen gathering than a sophomore gathering. Maybe?
It's not that the people aren't nice, they're great. In fact, I've gotten meals with most of them, had great conversations with them, 1v1. But still, there's something missing. A good conversation/meal doesn't makeup for a year of not hanging out (or I guess two years now?). They might know my passions and some experiences....but still something is missing. It's that group dynamic that I haven't had.
I can't blame them. It's the little remnants from my freshmen year experience that has shaped so much of who I am and what my passions are on this campus.
I don't know.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
friends
Last year I always thought LV and LS were two of my tightest female friends on campus.
....but as the year went on, I realized we never actually hung out. I wasn't so sure anymore
It's good to finally hangout with them and get to know the more.
No sophomore slump here.
Good night.
....but as the year went on, I realized we never actually hung out. I wasn't so sure anymore
It's good to finally hangout with them and get to know the more.
No sophomore slump here.
Good night.
superiority and humility
There's this one person (LK) who talks to me on a semi-normal basis. And I find LK annoying: arrogant and always complaining. So normally I don't initiate IM's with LK. When LK initiates it with me, I usually try to ignore the IM.
I need the gospel. I was once there, where no one really wanted to talk to me. I probably just complained about schoolwork. Yet, a year later, I'm unwilling to help LK, someone probably in a very similar position as me.
I'm nobody. If anyone knew what I've done, all the sins I've committed....I'd have no friends. No kidding. There are secrets that I hold that I've never shared. The only person who knows...is God. And that's the beauty of the Gospel, that He knows me COMPLETELY...and is still willing to accept me. Not even ask me to improve, then come. To accept me as I am.
I have nothing to prove, for my proof is done on the cross. My own self-made proof is so strongly stained with sin, that you would never recognize it. Maybe you wouldn't even think it's me.
I am nothing without Jesus. He has saved you, Rich, when you gave him nothing. Why do you still feel superiority towards LK, like LK's unworthy of you?
LK is a Son of God. Humble yourself, you ought to treat him that way.
I need the Gospel more and more.
I need the gospel. I was once there, where no one really wanted to talk to me. I probably just complained about schoolwork. Yet, a year later, I'm unwilling to help LK, someone probably in a very similar position as me.
I'm nobody. If anyone knew what I've done, all the sins I've committed....I'd have no friends. No kidding. There are secrets that I hold that I've never shared. The only person who knows...is God. And that's the beauty of the Gospel, that He knows me COMPLETELY...and is still willing to accept me. Not even ask me to improve, then come. To accept me as I am.
I have nothing to prove, for my proof is done on the cross. My own self-made proof is so strongly stained with sin, that you would never recognize it. Maybe you wouldn't even think it's me.
I am nothing without Jesus. He has saved you, Rich, when you gave him nothing. Why do you still feel superiority towards LK, like LK's unworthy of you?
LK is a Son of God. Humble yourself, you ought to treat him that way.
I need the Gospel more and more.
Monday, April 16, 2012
nighttime amalgamation of thoughts
1. I feel extra lazy this quarter. 3 classes that are project based, and I'm lost in all 3. The last class, so far, has been no work at all. Everyone else seems to get data structures, so easily...am I just dumb, or is everyone else just actually keeping up with the reading, better yet, just really good at Googling for answers?
2. Friends. Is it better to know a bunch of people well or a few people really well? I define well as in, you don't see each other that often, but when you do, you can have a good conversation. I define really well as being able to just sit around, do nothing and no awkwardness exists. These are the people that you call when you're bored and want to do something. I think the professional world calls for more of the former people, shall we call it Type A, because they're able to interact with many people, well. Not to say that Type B is bad, but in my Type B, I'd imagine Type B is usually more restricted to interactions within that group.
There's probably much more "Types" than Type A and Type B....I just think these are the two Type's I've experienced.
3. Girls. Who needs them? Just kidding. Asian formal is coming up? I would like to bring a date, have fun, but nothing more. Is that unreasonable to ask? Maybe it is. Maybe having a good time at a dance and then cutting it off right there is leading someone on.
4. Worship team. I want to end strong. We're too comfortable. It's important for a team to gel together, but a team also needs to push each other. Which leads to my next point...
5. I don't know how to communicate my faith. I genuinely believed a part of my changed over Passion Week/Easter. But I didn't know how to communicate it to people. When I did, I just sounded like I was repeating old words. Maybe that is the point. The gospel never changes, just we finally open our hearts to it. How do I communicate my faith though?
6. Men's Den. I really hope this works. I really do. I want a 2014 family.
7. Back to #2. One of the reasons why I like Type B is because it's so much easier to keep in contact with those few people. I find myself losing contact with people (not even people back home. people here!) so quickly...
8. Outreach? What happened to that? I guess this related to #7, and failing at keeping in touch with people.
9. I completely missed church today. I don't even remember turning off my alarm, I just woke up to Jean's call at 9:40. I don't even blame myself...I didn't even sleep that late. I should probably blame myself though.
10. Week 4. Exactly two months until my booked airplane ticket to go back home. Make it count, Rich. Make every damn second count.
2. Friends. Is it better to know a bunch of people well or a few people really well? I define well as in, you don't see each other that often, but when you do, you can have a good conversation. I define really well as being able to just sit around, do nothing and no awkwardness exists. These are the people that you call when you're bored and want to do something. I think the professional world calls for more of the former people, shall we call it Type A, because they're able to interact with many people, well. Not to say that Type B is bad, but in my Type B, I'd imagine Type B is usually more restricted to interactions within that group.
There's probably much more "Types" than Type A and Type B....I just think these are the two Type's I've experienced.
3. Girls. Who needs them? Just kidding. Asian formal is coming up? I would like to bring a date, have fun, but nothing more. Is that unreasonable to ask? Maybe it is. Maybe having a good time at a dance and then cutting it off right there is leading someone on.
4. Worship team. I want to end strong. We're too comfortable. It's important for a team to gel together, but a team also needs to push each other. Which leads to my next point...
5. I don't know how to communicate my faith. I genuinely believed a part of my changed over Passion Week/Easter. But I didn't know how to communicate it to people. When I did, I just sounded like I was repeating old words. Maybe that is the point. The gospel never changes, just we finally open our hearts to it. How do I communicate my faith though?
6. Men's Den. I really hope this works. I really do. I want a 2014 family.
7. Back to #2. One of the reasons why I like Type B is because it's so much easier to keep in contact with those few people. I find myself losing contact with people (not even people back home. people here!) so quickly...
8. Outreach? What happened to that? I guess this related to #7, and failing at keeping in touch with people.
9. I completely missed church today. I don't even remember turning off my alarm, I just woke up to Jean's call at 9:40. I don't even blame myself...I didn't even sleep that late. I should probably blame myself though.
10. Week 4. Exactly two months until my booked airplane ticket to go back home. Make it count, Rich. Make every damn second count.
Make every damn second count.
scents
Every once in a while, I'll walk around and I'll get a scent of something.
I feel like brain has different memories of scents of places.
Taiwan, China, Cape Henlopen, AW, WCEC...today I walked out of my dorm room, and it reminded me the smell of hotel sheets.
Interesting, because you (or at least I don't) never think to remember smells, but they carry with you anyway and come up randomly.
I feel like brain has different memories of scents of places.
Taiwan, China, Cape Henlopen, AW, WCEC...today I walked out of my dorm room, and it reminded me the smell of hotel sheets.
Interesting, because you (or at least I don't) never think to remember smells, but they carry with you anyway and come up randomly.
Friday, April 13, 2012
introvert
Today, while talked to OL, this topic came up.
>>me: I consider myself to be an introvert..
>>OL: really?
A year ago this wouldn't have even been a question. Last year I didn't know who I was close enough to text to, to IM to. In high school, I'd always be talking to 1 person on IM. Really, it was Billy, Mary or Jenny.
This year, there's an abundance of people. But I hate having 5 IM windows open. I much rather have 1 open and actually get to know the person more. I can't multitask conversations for my life. The problem is finding another person who ALSO only has 1 IM window also, or else it just seems like the other person is just ignoring the conversation.
Is that a trait of an extrovert? Knows a lot of people but none of them well? I much rather be introverted then...right? I don't know, both have its advantages. Right now, there's just so many people I want to get to know MORE. But there's not enough time, not enough concentration. In the end, nothing improves. I suppose it's an improvement on last year, when there was no one. Always a good reminder to remember how far I've come, with not any of it coming from my own power.
This topic deserves more time and thought, but I'm going to sleep.
>>me: I consider myself to be an introvert..
>>OL: really?
A year ago this wouldn't have even been a question. Last year I didn't know who I was close enough to text to, to IM to. In high school, I'd always be talking to 1 person on IM. Really, it was Billy, Mary or Jenny.
This year, there's an abundance of people. But I hate having 5 IM windows open. I much rather have 1 open and actually get to know the person more. I can't multitask conversations for my life. The problem is finding another person who ALSO only has 1 IM window also, or else it just seems like the other person is just ignoring the conversation.
Is that a trait of an extrovert? Knows a lot of people but none of them well? I much rather be introverted then...right? I don't know, both have its advantages. Right now, there's just so many people I want to get to know MORE. But there's not enough time, not enough concentration. In the end, nothing improves. I suppose it's an improvement on last year, when there was no one. Always a good reminder to remember how far I've come, with not any of it coming from my own power.
This topic deserves more time and thought, but I'm going to sleep.
Why AAIV? Why's it Asian?
Because there's something special about having the same background as someone. I don't know how to describe it, but it's there. Why does the world (for the most part) stay within it's own race?
I guess it's not Asian and not "Chinese" or "Korean" because....
I don't know. The person who started AAIV made it that way and it has worked, so no one has questioned it.
Maybe the Chinese/Korean cultures are similar enough that we're not so different that we can't connect with each other and we're slightly different so that we can still benefit from learning from each other's cultural differences.
But I honestly don't know.
What are people's intentions going into AAIV- cultural,social, or religious?
Don't think it's cultural. I don't think it's very cultural, speaking as a Chinese person. There's CSA/TASC/KASA for that.
Social or Religious? I think it's a mix, but I will say that it's more religious than social.
I say it is social because many Christians entering college are looking for that community (like many Asian-Americans grow up in Asian YG communities). We provide that. We don't have any "AAIV bonding" events like some of the Asian cultural groups may have, but it's natural. People do it themselves from what they're used to at home, and quite simply, it's easier to share with people who have the same/similar beliefs as you and come from similar backgrounds.
I also say social because AAIV desires not only to be a home for Christians, but non-Christians alike. We want to be a HOME. Somewhere where people can go when they're lonely, when they're down, and find people to lift them up, to do life with, if they're Christian or not.
However, I say AAIV is more religious because any Asian on campus knows that AAIV is Christian. As much as we wish, non-Christians rarely go to small group to meet knew friends, or go on our retreats simply to get to know people more. No, our large groups, small groups, retreats, events have a clear purpose: worshiping and learning about God.
--
Personal. AAIV differs from other fellowships in the social respect. I don't know if AAIV means to do this, but I think it's just a natural result because of how people view their YG's back at home.
The people consider themselves to be part of AAIV tend to make AAIV their main social group on campus. Meaning this is who we eat with normally, hangout with normally...do life with. It's not just a weekly small group, a weekly large group, and an annual retreat for most people. For me? I meet up with meals for meals with people. I text people. I instant message these people. I talk to them about what's going on in my life and silly things just as much as I talk to them about God.
So I can see why someone would come to AAIV for social reasons, but at the same time, I don't think you can leave AAIV without knowing its members love God.
Social or Religious? I think it's a mix, but I will say that it's more religious than social.
I say it is social because many Christians entering college are looking for that community (like many Asian-Americans grow up in Asian YG communities). We provide that. We don't have any "AAIV bonding" events like some of the Asian cultural groups may have, but it's natural. People do it themselves from what they're used to at home, and quite simply, it's easier to share with people who have the same/similar beliefs as you and come from similar backgrounds.
I also say social because AAIV desires not only to be a home for Christians, but non-Christians alike. We want to be a HOME. Somewhere where people can go when they're lonely, when they're down, and find people to lift them up, to do life with, if they're Christian or not.
However, I say AAIV is more religious because any Asian on campus knows that AAIV is Christian. As much as we wish, non-Christians rarely go to small group to meet knew friends, or go on our retreats simply to get to know people more. No, our large groups, small groups, retreats, events have a clear purpose: worshiping and learning about God.
--
Personal. AAIV differs from other fellowships in the social respect. I don't know if AAIV means to do this, but I think it's just a natural result because of how people view their YG's back at home.
The people consider themselves to be part of AAIV tend to make AAIV their main social group on campus. Meaning this is who we eat with normally, hangout with normally...do life with. It's not just a weekly small group, a weekly large group, and an annual retreat for most people. For me? I meet up with meals for meals with people. I text people. I instant message these people. I talk to them about what's going on in my life and silly things just as much as I talk to them about God.
So I can see why someone would come to AAIV for social reasons, but at the same time, I don't think you can leave AAIV without knowing its members love God.
Is AAIV more of a cultural group or a religious group?
Definitely religious. To be honest, I don't think we're that cultural at all. There is nothing we try to do to spread Asian culture. I think the "culture" would come from the people in AAIV, individually. For example, some of our Worship Team meals will be Korean-cooked food. Not because AAIV encourages Asian food for our meetings, but simply because Esther Shin is Korean. We also don't do anything regarding Asian history.
I say religious because that is our central purpose. To be a witnessing community to the Asian American community on campus, witnessing Jesus Christ's death for us all. We have large groups and small groups that teach this, and that is the central glue that we have with each other.
I say religious because that is our central purpose. To be a witnessing community to the Asian American community on campus, witnessing Jesus Christ's death for us all. We have large groups and small groups that teach this, and that is the central glue that we have with each other.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
room exiled
I won't use the term "sexiled" because it's misleading. So my roommate asked for the room last night because a girl was staying over - first time in my...history of rooming with him. I found it kind of funny, and I agreed.
texting:
>>him: I'm sorry man this wont happen much
>>me: now i can finally bring all the women ive been waiting to bring back. i just didn't want to be the first
[note: this response was before i found out there was really no sex going on]
Idk. Me trying to insert humor in an awkward situation for him. Him and I have always joked around about girls and stuff.
But I was thinking today in the shower (because that's where all the world's problems are solved), and I thought....what if Bernard "sexiled" me, or Billy, or Eddie. I would have said something. Not because they're Christian, but because I care about them and don't think it's wise to jump into something like that. But no, no words of advice from me to my roommate.
Why? Is it because I assume this is "normal" or "okay" for him because he's in a fraternity and/or he's white and/or he's not a (practicing) Christian. I let it slide. I don't give him my advice or at least a hint of uneasiness. Not even a "James, don't do anything you'll regret." My roommate of 2 years, yet I treat him a stranger.
I'm ashamed of my actions. I'm ashamed of my racism towards non-asians? Or is it my elitism towards non-Christians? This is not okay.
texting:
>>him: I'm sorry man this wont happen much
>>me: now i can finally bring all the women ive been waiting to bring back. i just didn't want to be the first
[note: this response was before i found out there was really no sex going on]
Idk. Me trying to insert humor in an awkward situation for him. Him and I have always joked around about girls and stuff.
But I was thinking today in the shower (because that's where all the world's problems are solved), and I thought....what if Bernard "sexiled" me, or Billy, or Eddie. I would have said something. Not because they're Christian, but because I care about them and don't think it's wise to jump into something like that. But no, no words of advice from me to my roommate.
Why? Is it because I assume this is "normal" or "okay" for him because he's in a fraternity and/or he's white and/or he's not a (practicing) Christian. I let it slide. I don't give him my advice or at least a hint of uneasiness. Not even a "James, don't do anything you'll regret." My roommate of 2 years, yet I treat him a stranger.
I'm ashamed of my actions. I'm ashamed of my racism towards non-asians? Or is it my elitism towards non-Christians? This is not okay.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
the smartphone era
I get it. It's everything you ever need in your pocket. Convenience is one thing though, changing relationship dynamic from conversation to game interaction is another.
I'm all for games and I'm all for communication. I've gotten to know multiple people through games. CS brought me close to brotherhood in WCEC, LoL brought me closer to many AAIV guys, and even WWF sparked my friendship with EL.
But it's the catalyst, not the actual meat. Group dynamic is hard, I get it. But please don't cheat out and pull out your smartphone. If everyone actually put effort in the conversation, it'd be fine. I don't even consider myself an extrovert and I find myself filling silent tables with words because no one else wants to take the risk. And I'm not even good with words. I'm an engineer for crying out loud. You're better than this and everyone deserves more than this.
I love texting, but sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if everyone still called each other. Now it seems calling is reserved for emergencies, family, and the significant other.
I will hold out with my "basic" phone with pride.
I'm all for games and I'm all for communication. I've gotten to know multiple people through games. CS brought me close to brotherhood in WCEC, LoL brought me closer to many AAIV guys, and even WWF sparked my friendship with EL.
But it's the catalyst, not the actual meat. Group dynamic is hard, I get it. But please don't cheat out and pull out your smartphone. If everyone actually put effort in the conversation, it'd be fine. I don't even consider myself an extrovert and I find myself filling silent tables with words because no one else wants to take the risk. And I'm not even good with words. I'm an engineer for crying out loud. You're better than this and everyone deserves more than this.
I love texting, but sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if everyone still called each other. Now it seems calling is reserved for emergencies, family, and the significant other.
I will hold out with my "basic" phone with pride.
friendships that stick
I remember DF telling me that relationships that stick in the future are the ones where you were able to get to know the person 1v1, not the large cliques and groups. Because when in the future, when is your whole clique going to come together and hangout? No, it's more likely that you'll see people on a person to person basis.
But the groups of friends that you can hangout with in groups and with any person in that group 1v1? Precious.
Not to say groups and cliques are silly. They definitely aren't. But just food for thought.
But the groups of friends that you can hangout with in groups and with any person in that group 1v1? Precious.
Not to say groups and cliques are silly. They definitely aren't. But just food for thought.
Monday, April 9, 2012
a childlike faith
Sometimes it's so easy to act like a "mature Christian" and praise and love God from a distance.
That's not what a child does. A child runs to his father when he comes home, passionately and lovingly, without embarrassment or shame. No other engagements on the child's mind, no face to save...just clinging to Jesus, like Mary Magdalene did upon seeing Jesus for the first time after his death.
That's the type of love and faith I want. None of this mature Christian man crap.
That's not what a child does. A child runs to his father when he comes home, passionately and lovingly, without embarrassment or shame. No other engagements on the child's mind, no face to save...just clinging to Jesus, like Mary Magdalene did upon seeing Jesus for the first time after his death.
That's the type of love and faith I want. None of this mature Christian man crap.
worship team
It's not about the music. It's not about worshiping God for His approval. It's not about making the music sound perfect or having the right voice.
It's about the worship. It's about how we are created TO WORSHIP. Something feels SO RIGHT when sit behind that drum-set and worship, because I was MADE TO WORSHIP.
Of course there are other ways of worship, but this is one that is so clearly and directly accomplished. Worshiping God doesn't give you a "+1" in your report with God. The work is ALREADY DONE. You are already free, completely forgiven.
You worship because you were meant to worship. There is something that makes us so "vulnerable" and "raw" when we are doing what we were made to do. That is what makes worship so powerful.
It's about the worship. It's about how we are created TO WORSHIP. Something feels SO RIGHT when sit behind that drum-set and worship, because I was MADE TO WORSHIP.
Of course there are other ways of worship, but this is one that is so clearly and directly accomplished. Worshiping God doesn't give you a "+1" in your report with God. The work is ALREADY DONE. You are already free, completely forgiven.
You worship because you were meant to worship. There is something that makes us so "vulnerable" and "raw" when we are doing what we were made to do. That is what makes worship so powerful.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
the introvert in me
I can't handle compliments. After having a great worshiping experience at AAIV Worship Night (I was drumming), the first thing I wanted to do was just get away.
I don't want to be treated special. I don't want to have some "cool" vibe. Sat out on the Parkes steps and thought.
About stuff.
I don't want to be treated special. I don't want to have some "cool" vibe. Sat out on the Parkes steps and thought.
About stuff.
Friend, do you know?
Do you know what Jesus has done for you?
Do you know?
Friend, do you know?
Do you know that he bore all your insecurities and your faults, do you know, Friend?
Do you know how he suffered?
No, do you really know how he suffered?
No, do you REALLY know?
Friend, do you want to come alive?
Do you want to be free?
Do you know what Jesus has done for you?
Do you know?
Friend, do you know?
Do you know that he bore all your insecurities and your faults, do you know, Friend?
Do you know how he suffered?
No, do you really know how he suffered?
No, do you REALLY know?
Friend, do you want to come alive?
Do you want to be free?
Friday, April 6, 2012
worship worries
AAIV is bridging Good Friday and Easter Sunday with a Worship night on Saturday night. So naturally, me being on worship team, it takes a lot of preparation. Can't say I've listened to many of the songs yet, just a handful. First practice is tomorrow, then all day Saturday, then the worship night in the evening.
I guess I always worry for these things. God, I pray for the preparation of these songs. I'm sorry I wasn't as smart with my time as I should have been, listening to the songs ahead of time. But more than anything, prepare our hearts. Prepare my heart.
Jesus wasn't afraid to ashamed before everyone. To his enemies. That's the worst, when you're enemies tower over you in your defeat? He was unashamed. He knew what He needed to do.
Why am I so ashamed? Why do I immediately turn down the worship music when my roommate walks in? Why do I stumble when someone asks what AAIV stands for? Why am I fine with worship nights, reaching out to freshmen who don't feel a part of AAIV, but when it comes to reaching out to people who haven't heard of IV, I stop. I'm afraid. What if they ask questions I can't answer? Do I think atheism is easier to defend than Christianity? Or am I just a wimp.
I remember during Hofstra, there was a time period where the speaker asked people shout out "Jesus!" if they loved Jesus. There was hesitation, but after the first person screamed, dozens of screams follows. Those screams....are freeing. (Sort of like "I Love You, Man" screams..but probably different.) Unashamed to cry out your Saviors name. It's freeing. Even though I love light-jazz drumming the best, I always end up playing really loud during worship, because that's my equivalent of yelling out for God. I love worship.
And that's fine. That's good. But why can't I do a fraction of that screaming when I'm not surrounded by Christians? When there's a risk? Am I Peter, who will continuously deny Jesus when it matters?
Make my love for you, Jesus, a fraction of how You love me.
I guess I always worry for these things. God, I pray for the preparation of these songs. I'm sorry I wasn't as smart with my time as I should have been, listening to the songs ahead of time. But more than anything, prepare our hearts. Prepare my heart.
Jesus wasn't afraid to ashamed before everyone. To his enemies. That's the worst, when you're enemies tower over you in your defeat? He was unashamed. He knew what He needed to do.
Why am I so ashamed? Why do I immediately turn down the worship music when my roommate walks in? Why do I stumble when someone asks what AAIV stands for? Why am I fine with worship nights, reaching out to freshmen who don't feel a part of AAIV, but when it comes to reaching out to people who haven't heard of IV, I stop. I'm afraid. What if they ask questions I can't answer? Do I think atheism is easier to defend than Christianity? Or am I just a wimp.
I remember during Hofstra, there was a time period where the speaker asked people shout out "Jesus!" if they loved Jesus. There was hesitation, but after the first person screamed, dozens of screams follows. Those screams....are freeing. (Sort of like "I Love You, Man" screams..but probably different.) Unashamed to cry out your Saviors name. It's freeing. Even though I love light-jazz drumming the best, I always end up playing really loud during worship, because that's my equivalent of yelling out for God. I love worship.
And that's fine. That's good. But why can't I do a fraction of that screaming when I'm not surrounded by Christians? When there's a risk? Am I Peter, who will continuously deny Jesus when it matters?
Make my love for you, Jesus, a fraction of how You love me.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
vulnerable
One of the silliest things introduced during Winterfest that I ended up actually taking in a lot was this action proposed by Chris and Sean.
>>Draw a window on the front of you notebook
>>Whenever you open it, ask yourself, "Am I willing to be open?"
Open to what, I initially thought. Taking in ideas without questioning them? I'm not going to blindly take anything the speaker says. But as I thought about it more, the more it made sense.
This idea from two months ago comes back to me because of something that happened in small group today. We were planning an outreach event and we were trying to brainstorm. Honestly, I wasn't super ecstatic about the idea that we were talking about - open forums, talking to others about usually-silent topics.
When LK (please don't try to figure out who's in my SG and who LK is) started saying things like, "You guys can plan this, but I won't be a part of it."
Usually a person with little opinions suddenly had such a strong opinion. LK didn't want to talk to people about these topics or any topics really. We tried to see why LK had this opinion? Did LK have a bad experience, does LK not think it'll work?
LK wouldn't budge. LK mentioned how LK has these type of discussions all the time in his philosophy class and LK never participates. Wouldn't answer why.
As my SGL and I tried to dig deeper and find out reasons behind his opinion, LK became defensive. "I don't get why we are focusing on me and not the brainstorming for the event. Is this the point of small group? To probe people's lives?
We didn't ask any tough questions or push into any ideas, we simply just asked why. I guess that was too much for this opinion LK so strongly held.
But I don't mean to put LK on the spot, I really don't. But it was such a good example. We were trying to plan an event where Christians and non-Christians can come together and discuss things. No hair-pulling, no persuasion, but just simply telling each other their side of the story and coming to respect each other's opinions. As my SGL said, immediately dismissing someone's opinion is not the same thing as disagreeing but respecting one's opinion. And we tried to understand LK's opinion, but someone how he was so offset by the idea already that he refused.
I didn't dare say this at the time, but I wanted to say, "I care because I don't think it's healthy. I care for the benefit of you." As nice as that sounds, it's definitely not the easiest thing to take in.
I think we all do this. We pick and choose what to follow. We are open to some things, but not other things. Will I be open? Will I be open to challenges that might hurt and be embarrassing but benefit me, make me stronger? Will I be open to others ideas, or will I write it off immediately as this or that? Am I so proud that I think my way of thinking is superior to all others?
Phil 3
>>Draw a window on the front of you notebook
>>Whenever you open it, ask yourself, "Am I willing to be open?"
Open to what, I initially thought. Taking in ideas without questioning them? I'm not going to blindly take anything the speaker says. But as I thought about it more, the more it made sense.
This idea from two months ago comes back to me because of something that happened in small group today. We were planning an outreach event and we were trying to brainstorm. Honestly, I wasn't super ecstatic about the idea that we were talking about - open forums, talking to others about usually-silent topics.
When LK (please don't try to figure out who's in my SG and who LK is) started saying things like, "You guys can plan this, but I won't be a part of it."
Usually a person with little opinions suddenly had such a strong opinion. LK didn't want to talk to people about these topics or any topics really. We tried to see why LK had this opinion? Did LK have a bad experience, does LK not think it'll work?
LK wouldn't budge. LK mentioned how LK has these type of discussions all the time in his philosophy class and LK never participates. Wouldn't answer why.
As my SGL and I tried to dig deeper and find out reasons behind his opinion, LK became defensive. "I don't get why we are focusing on me and not the brainstorming for the event. Is this the point of small group? To probe people's lives?
Why do you care?"
We didn't ask any tough questions or push into any ideas, we simply just asked why. I guess that was too much for this opinion LK so strongly held.
But I don't mean to put LK on the spot, I really don't. But it was such a good example. We were trying to plan an event where Christians and non-Christians can come together and discuss things. No hair-pulling, no persuasion, but just simply telling each other their side of the story and coming to respect each other's opinions. As my SGL said, immediately dismissing someone's opinion is not the same thing as disagreeing but respecting one's opinion. And we tried to understand LK's opinion, but someone how he was so offset by the idea already that he refused.
I didn't dare say this at the time, but I wanted to say, "I care because I don't think it's healthy. I care for the benefit of you." As nice as that sounds, it's definitely not the easiest thing to take in.
I think we all do this. We pick and choose what to follow. We are open to some things, but not other things. Will I be open? Will I be open to challenges that might hurt and be embarrassing but benefit me, make me stronger? Will I be open to others ideas, or will I write it off immediately as this or that? Am I so proud that I think my way of thinking is superior to all others?
Phil 3
...but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you not only look to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
This topic has so much more potential.
- what does is the purpose of SG, really
- how far to push/challenge someone
- and more about being open, vulnerable, intentional
Monday, April 2, 2012
week 1
wasted. Well, maybe not wasted. Caught up with people. Celebrated my friend's birthday, and I'm trying to invest in him more. Celebrated my praise team leader's birthday.
But wasted in terms of getting work done. Oh well, I guess there's always time for that.
I'm still really discouraged about CS. It just seems that everyone already knows so much. Girl in my CS group has been programming since she was 11. What can I say. I will still continue to do it though.
Been using a new software called "Evernote." Pretty cool, basically integrates notetaking across multiple platforms. Although I don't really do that. I still like it's notetaking interface though.
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It's passion week. I want Easter to mean something. I feel like I've been slowly coasting. There's multiple things that play into, from not being consistent in my prayer/reading life (although I feel like that always signifies something deeper) to pride and being content.
I yearn to grow this week. Give me more of you, Jesus. Bring me back to my first love.
But wasted in terms of getting work done. Oh well, I guess there's always time for that.
I'm still really discouraged about CS. It just seems that everyone already knows so much. Girl in my CS group has been programming since she was 11. What can I say. I will still continue to do it though.
Been using a new software called "Evernote." Pretty cool, basically integrates notetaking across multiple platforms. Although I don't really do that. I still like it's notetaking interface though.
--
It's passion week. I want Easter to mean something. I feel like I've been slowly coasting. There's multiple things that play into, from not being consistent in my prayer/reading life (although I feel like that always signifies something deeper) to pride and being content.
I yearn to grow this week. Give me more of you, Jesus. Bring me back to my first love.
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