flying home tomorrow

I love airports.
It finally makes my mind click: "You're done."
As I sit in the terminal and call up old friends,
I'll be home before I know it.







posts to write:
AZ
fall quarter
what i want to see in aaiv
job-minded or future-minded

hate hate asian time

pandora  -> tim be told -> awesome

sigh

charismatic movement,
there's somethings I agree with you on, even though I'm still a little weirded out by it.
but sometimes...


1 John 4:1
Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

More on this later...

在感恩节， 我会回家！去年我没回家。我记得当时我很伤心。

我已经买了飞机票 。真的是太贵了。但是快乐的时间根家人比钱有意识。

见年我可以祝我爸爸一个生日快乐在家，和我也可以根我家人庆祝我的生日。

很高兴的天，但是我还有很多功课。 =/

晚安。

thanksgiving


回家还是带在西北

I'm fine but...

It's times like these when I hate that God doesn't reveal His plan to us. It's time like this that I hate that we worship an invisible God.

Blah, I know. God knows the best for us. God has the best plans in mind for us, even through hardship. If God used Jesus's death for good, He can use anything.

I guess I know these phrases but don't truly trust in Him, don't fully believe in Him.

Because what FUCKING good is suppose to come from her dying?

Shit's fucked up.

ea4 lab3

integrity

My roommate is a better man than me....for sure.

Had a dream that I went to UCLA. o.0 ...

it's a beautiful thing when i begin to not even notice your physical appeal anymore and unknowingly replace it with the personality and person i've come to know

not sure if this came out clear, but that's okay

one of those bumming days

pray for me

big interview tomorrow.

Just so I remind myself to be grateful for this year....

having people to talk to on IM again is such a blessing.

lonely freshmen, i'm cominng after chu!

Goal: make friends with some fob koreans.

sigh. sitting in the library with a group of koreans...two of which i know. hi, i don't speak korean. =(

sophomore year is ballin'.

It feels so good to not have everything new. I call a person up and we chill for 3 hours. I head up a floor and chill another 2 hours.


Not the greatest academically though...I fail at chinese

hahahahaha....

not the first time that happened.

hopefully the last though.

college has killed my motivation.

sigh
workout
classes...

EE, what the heck is going on...o.0

what would you do if you had all the money in the world?

2 hours to memorize 20 chinese characters...why do I fail so badly

that was certainly an odd dream.

My fears for freshmen all surfaced in a very odd odd dream....

Yes.

One day I'd like to walk along that lake path and lie on the rocks...

...with the girl I find.

freshman thought i was the social chair for aaiv...

HA!

twas a good night.

as much weirdness i experienced last year and still experience, northwestern is oddly enough where i feel closest to God.

I love walking along the lake and listening to the waves crash onto the rocks, and the wind hustle through me.

The verse "Be still and know that I am God" resonates through my mind...

I want to know You.

Thoughts Last Night Before College

What makes Christians different?

I used to think if I was a "true" Christian, socializing would come so easy to me, and my "weaknesses" would disappear--but it's never been the case.

So I thought about the "great Christians" I knew.

John Lin.
Dan Wu.
Cathy
Hace
Esther Shin

They're all so radically different. Some introverted, some extroverted. Some gangster, some nerdy. Some short, some tall.

They are nothing alike, even though I consider them to be grown, mature Christians.

The only thing they have in common is a source of joy, something to lean on when they're down, and something to praise about when they're happy.

Good night, Delaware.

It's been a fantastic summer, far greater than I deserve.

Until we meet again, good night.

54 shots with a CVS disposable camera. Let's see how they turn out tomorrow....

Thursday, I head back to college. It's been a good summer. More..later.

So, I've never bought anything from Craiglists before...

Tomorrow, I am meeting a man named Ben at 7am at a Sunoco in Elsemere, DE to buy an iPod.

I am posting this, so in case I die....well now you know what happened =).

(This is definitely my most morbid post yet might be the best use of this blog ever.)


--------------------------

I'm alive with a $45 80gb iPod. =P

9.11

My mouth dries suddenly with my eyes watching in disbelief at replays of 9/11.

I remember sitting on that beige leather couch, casually flipping through the channels. Constant replays of the planes hitting the towers, and consequently the towers dropping. Although I wasn't completely unaware, I will say 4th graders can only understand so much. I didn't see the sudden gloom in President Bush's countenance or thousands of New Yorkers standing in disbelief; I didn't see it.

Into high school, there was a documentary on 9/11 that I decided to watch. I don't remember much about that documentary, but the one thing I do still rings clearly in my memory. Firefighters and policemen set station in the base floor of the towers to have communication with the firefighters and policemen running up, but you could barely pay attention to the dialogue because all you would hear were these loud crashes of glass. The cameraman didn't dare ask what it was until finally someone quietly whispered, "Those are the people jumping off....."

I would guess every 10 seconds. Every ten seconds someone decided that it's better to jump then try to survive up there.

I really do wish to visit the 9/11 memorial sometime. Usually visiting those types of places doesn't really hit well with me because they are only about wars I've read in history books. But this memorial will be different.

what a pathetic day

Post-NYC

//Logistics//
Pretty much how I imagined a parent-less vacation to be: free, adventurous and fun! New York is a great city (better than Chicago, I must say). There seems to be something always going on, whether random street fairs or simply multitudes of people getting to where they need to be, the city is truly alive.

Friday:
Arrive in NYC at Penn Station, and take the metro tomeet Jenny in Saigon Shack in East Village. I met Jen, Allen, and some older guy with glasses whose name I've forgotten. =/. I spilled a glass of water as I raised my hand for the handshake - what an entrance -_-.

Eat lunch with them (didn't know Vietnamese people made great sandwiches!), went back to Jenny's (Cathy's?) apartment, and we were bored so we played LoL. Esther said she was going downtown to go to a Jazz club with her friend later, so she came to visit. Showed Esther LoL. Jenny's friend Kyung came with ingredients to cook bibambop. Pretty good stuff, and afterwards we were all bored. Discovered mutual connections between Kyung and I, which was pretty cool, then both of us were bored so we said, screw it, let's just roam the streets of NYC!

Started as a joke that we'd reach 53rd for Chicken and Rice, but slowly passing Union Square and seeing the dancers, Madison Square, Empire State Building...we reached Time Square. Esther's childish self was finally revealed at the sight of Toys'R'Us, so we went inside to explore the random things: indoor Ferris wheel (too expensive to go on), BarbieHouse, different lego buildings, cool board games...etc. Went back out, and at this point we realize we're on 42nd st, might as well go all the way. We wait about 40 min in line for Chicken and Rice--by this time we're starving, so it tasted amazing. After that...took the long walk back to 4th st, chilled in the apartment for a little bit, and I headed to Colin's for the first time to crash (while Esther stayed behind to crash at Jenny's). "Friends of theres are friends of mine!" Nicest guy ever...never met the guy before, but he invites me in, and I sleep on his couch.

Saturday:
Wake up, meet Jason, who just moved into Colin's apartment. Really nice guy, freshmen, just started talking a bit before I headed on my way to Jenny's apartment. Soon Carolyn arrives, and the four of us (Caro, Jenny, Esther) all head to some really famous Dim Sum place in Chinatown. Delicious, and it was amusing seeing Caro and Jenny running down waitresses, and coming back with armfuls of cheap Dim Sum, all while witnessing Esther's attempts to speak Chinese to the waitresses. After this, we head up to the Metropolitan Museum, and meet Charlotte, James, Jimmy, and James' roommates--surprising to find so many Delawarean people in NYC, even though it was a planned meet.  Some random couple hands us earphones for the listening guide for free, and we head in. We all end up not paying attention to the art, and talking on benches. A few of us notice there's an Asian history section, so we head there and end up chilling at an indoor Asian park looking thing. Soon enough, we leave the Met, along with the Columbia gang, but Charlotte comes with. We go to K-Town to buy stuff for the dinner (Esther's kimchi chigae).

Head back to the apt, cook it, eat it (run into so electrical problems, but Jenny saves the day with the fusebox). Really good. I force everyone to watch Whose Line, and then we watch The Bucket List. Jia arrives sometime during the movie. Great movie with a good mix of funny and serious. I head back to Colin's for the night, Jason's abnormally friendly, saying we should keep in touch and stuff. Nice guy.

Sunday:

Wake up semi-early for church, head to the apt. Charlotte leaves for Baltimore in the morning. Caro and I's fail. We split up with Jia and Jenny because we wanted to go to Tim Keller's church. Long story short, we spent 40 min too long looking for the right metro station, then we arrived at the wrong location. Anyway, Carolyn buys something at Sephora (so the trip isn't completely wasted), and I'm hungry so I bargain with the Hotdog guys--good times. Carolyn wants to meet with her Dartmouth friend. We head back to the apt first to scout out a place, decide on Boka (Korean place with great wings), Carolyn and I talk a bit about faith as we wait (and throughout the day-ish). Eat with Karima, cool, down to earth gal, but Boka is more expensive than expected and the wings are hotter than expected. Not a bad meal though...we head back to the apartment to find Jia and Jenny. Jenny's headed out to meet with friends, Jia, Caro and I go to the 5pm service of Redeemer and meet Danny. Sermon. Head to Chinatown...I SUCCESSFULLY find Joe's Shanghai only to see that it's 1 hr wait time. Danny (from Brooklyn), brings us to this shady but cheap Chinese place ($4.25) Ming's Kitchen, then a Bubble tea place where I got Milk Tea ($1.25). My kinda food =).

Head up to the apt, stop by urban outfitters, try on a Bro shirt. head back to the apt. Danny heads back, Jenny comes back, we watch 50 first dates. Caro sleeps. I play with google maps. I head to Colins.

Mon:
Wake up, I head to the apt only to catch Jia and Caro heading out for shopping (most of Soho was closed the night before). Jenny and I bum. I think I napped. Jia/Caro come back, we head to RCF picnic. Met new people, headed back to apt to grab bag and leave for AA bus.

//Thoughts//
I don't feel like writing anymore after all this, but I know if I don't write it now, nothing will ever come out.

Let's get this straight--I'm not a social butterfly, not even close and this entire year is proof of it, replete with failed friendships and awkward encounters. The fact that I was able to mingle with Jenny's fellowship (relatively) easily and actually have a good time is a fucking miracle. I suppose it was a great ego booster (wow, okay maybe you're not a permanently socially awkward person), but at the same time it begs the question: why couldn't I do the same with my own fellowship? Frosh-to-frosh, I had a year, but I couldn't do it. Yet here I was, having conversations with freshmen, sophomores, juniors, graduates of RCF....feeling more at home than my own fellowship.

TL;DR? forgot to sign cathy's damn board. guess i'll have to head back sometime in the future.

late night

too much on my mind right; i can't hash it out and write.

Thoughts on the "Charismatic Movement"

...

dear mother,

please stop telling me why being a doctor is awesome, and why electrical engineering is completely impractical.

transferring

Transferring has always been in the back of my mind, but after looking back at my year, I've given it some considerable thought. It's a scary thought though; if it's hard to get imbibed in a college community when a freshman, how much harder will it be to do the same as a junior? Probably one of the main reasons why I think I won't transfer, most likely.

Nevertheless...where?

(these are not in order I would pick them, just....in order of my attention span)

1. Stanford (#2)
Fantastic engineering school, California, but I won't get in. Not including the fact that I would probably get destroyed there.

2. USC (#26)
Could probably get in, and Viterbi is better than Northwestern's McCormick according to some rankings (but some others say otherwise). It's in California.

3. Princeton (#11)
Better engineering school than Northwestern, close to home. I have no idea how hard it is to get in, but I imagine not easy.

I had others in mind, I really don't know. Northwestern is a high ranked engineering school (#14), and I feel like it has a wimpy engineering curriculum (which means easier than I expected). I feel like if I went anywhere else, I'd get destroyed (one of the reasons why Berkeley isn't listed here, notorious for their "88% graduation rate in 6 years"). It's not the academics I had a problem with at Northwestern anyway...it's the lack of a fellowship that I have a problem with. A fear that I'll go through 4 years at this place, and walk away with the intent on forgetting everyone.

Plus, Cali. Damn.

hey

someone else try organizing stuff for once.

kthnx.

"AUG 13 UPDATE: Joshua Tico Kim's body was found by the Cofan people, downstream from Sinangue, where Tico taught little children about Jesus the day before he went missing. Praise God that his body was found by those whom he loved so much. Pastor DL and Pastor Inki are talking with the embassy to transport his body to Quito, then back to Orlando. Pray this goes smoothly as today is Ecuador's Independence Day."

the fucking

conversation i was waiting all summer for.

thank you.

That marks the start of the summer slowly ending...

thinking about applying to Stanford and USC.

Multiple topics to hit:

Hopefully, I'm done spending money on longboarding for a while. My quiver now:

Mctwist Hawaii 38"/topmount/kicktail (Walmart Board)
*Rayne Vendetta dropthrough/40"

*Paris 180mm, 50 dgs
*Caliber 184mm, 44dgs
Stock Walmart Trucks

*S9 Raceforms, 72mm, 82a
Abec11 Grippins, 70mm, 88a
Stock Walmart Wheels, 65mm, 70a
S9 Nine Balls, 70mm, 78a

*Protec Helmet
slide gloves

(* ordered, not here yet)

Half of this stuff is still on the way..haha. This week should be a pretty good week to wait by the door for shipments. It's nice because I'm actually fairly confident that this will be money well invested, rather than something I try a little while and will never try again (see e. guitar, pb gun). Longboarding is definitely become a hobby of mine, and I think it's natural for people to invest in their hobby. This past year and a half, I've spent around $120 on this sport, ($70 board, $20 gloves, $30 wheels), and it has provided me plenty of enjoyment and joy. Of course, this past week, I just dropped another $2** on a new complete, helmet, and DH trucks. It is a lot of money, but this entire past year I've been measuring things in my mind by how many boards I could've bought with said amount of money. Like most hobbies, a little investment is needed. I daresay, it's rather inexpensive compared to some hobbies.

Anyway, enough about longboarding...

---

It's so evident this summer. I guess it was unrealistic for me to return to Delaware and hope that nothing changed. Much has changed, some for the better and some for the worse. People have changed, formed complete new groups in college that make them feel more at home than WCEC. At first I was bitter, but I shouldn't be. Just like I make a conscious decision to talk to my DE friends more than my NU friends, they make a conscious decision to talk to more of their college friends.

I remember reading an article in a Toronto Starbucks about how many friends can someone truly have? I forget the exact numbers, but I want to say the article said a person could recognize 5,000 faces (shown by Facebook limiting you to 5,000 friends), memorize 2,000 names, know 150 people, 15 close friends, and 5 best friends. I'm not sure how these numbers were conjured up, but I moderately agree to those general numbers. My point...that there's only so many friends someone can naturally balance.

--

A talk some fellow men(? boys?) the other day about the ladies made me realize that we're truly growing up. The dating mindset suddenly doesn't seem as free-spirited and go-with-the-flow. Initial attraction must be paired with well thought compatibility and input. It would be a secret dream of my (and ours) to have many "internal" weddings (and I won't expand on that), but for said reasons above, and looking at past generations...it typically doesn't happen. Which is fine, you can't force people to pair, that only means these...guys I've come so close with will soon depart. Nevertheless, I don't know what the future holds, only God does, and He who gave His son for us, how will He not also give us all things....so trust, yes trust in Him with my future.

--

Mr. Lin. The first time I met Mr. Lin was at '07 Winter Retreat. I wanted to go to LT's session, but a bunch of the guys wanted to stay together, so they erased my name and put me in Mr. Lin's session, because it was the only one with enough space. I was bored asleep almost every session, and upset that the guys switched me. Bad first impression of Mr. Lin. The funny thing is that the session was teaching us how to read the Bible, maybe a theme for the rest of what he taught me at WCEC. As I learned more from Mr. Lin and respected him more and more, I came to realize how obedient he was as a man of God. Always having a smile on his face, and always having faith in the leaders when many times we had no idea what we were doing. Why I didn't trust his last decision in my time at WCEC yg, perplexes me. Proved wrong again. Mr. Lin...made me truely believe that WCEC was more than a place we hung out and made friends, but he truly showed me what the Christian lifestyle was like, through his actions, through his teachings, and just being so approachable for any questions I had. I've certainly changed my opinion on Mr. Lin since my first encounter, and he's become a true role model. A Christian engineer =P

--

Screw physics. Despite how the experiments can be cool. That is all.

Eddy currents -_-

I can't NOT post this

"PLEASE PRAY...dear friends, please pray for a dear college student of ours who was on a missions trip to Ecuador. he was swept away by a rough current in the river and has been missing for over 48 hours. please pray for the safe return of Joshua Tico Kim and for his family."

"Please take some time to offer up prayers for my dear brother Joshua Tico Kim. He is part of a mission team that went to Ecuador. Thursday late afternoon the trip was winding down and they were swimming in the river when he got caught in the current. He has been missing since and officials and locals have been searching but nothing yet. Please PLEASE pray for him, that he would be found soon and return home safely and pray for his father, mother, and younger brother..."

These are some snippets of things people have been posting over facebook...

Joshua Tico Kim is now a junior in college. He's from Orlando, Florida, but I've known him through missions in the past years. While on a mission trip to Ecuador this past week, he went missing and is yet to be found.

Please please please pray for him and his family."

guilty as charged

Moments more than a year ago, moments I gravely regret, suddenly come hurdling back at me.

But I deserve it. Fuck my dumb self.

random

engineers...are awesome.

whoever came up with parity bits for the 7-4 Hamming Code..

and the commutator for AC motors...holy crap. You are brilliant!

(And I guess Hamming came up with the Hamming Code)

the future board

deck:
trucks: caliber forty-fours $30
bushings:
wheels:

25% there

Here I raise my Ebenezer

I don't write often because I see no quality in my writing, and many times I think, why I should say something when it's been said before in a better form? However, writing helps organize my otherwise disheveled mind, so here it goes.
--
I'm at a "spiritual low," as a Christian would politely say. The truth is that I haven't prayed on my own for more months then I can admit, and many times doubt if I'm really a Christian. After all, I've learned enough about Christianity to know the basics--there's no such thing as a lukewarm Christian.

But I am a Christian, but many times the full Gospel message hasn't hit me yet, it hasn't resonated in me. I correlate my prayer life and actions with how well I'm doing in my "relationship with Jesus," as if Jesus is impressed with how consistent my prayers are. Like I'm a better person than Mr. John Doe because I read a passage that day. Or that He is dissatisfied because I wasted the day on the internet. That I can't pray because my hands are stained with the blood of guilt. He died so that I might live, and live to the fullest, that I might be freed from this dog-eat-dog world, where the only name that matters is my own. I'm called to live a radical life because it's freeing from this one. This one that makes me feel inadequate as a man, a friend, a son, a brother...a person. That I can say these things and be unashamed because I no longer trust in my inadequate self but a perfect God.

For the longest time, I couldn't understand that "personal relationship" with God. It simply didn't make sense to me, how could you call Jesus your best friend? Or, as Donald Miller put it (and weeks of my undying prayer request) "living as if she just got off the phone with God?" I'm still confused and boggled by it, but I had a little taste of this past school year. When I lost God, my confidence, my dignity...when I resorted to a TV episode so I could forget about my situation for thirty minutes...it seemed like everyone else had a place to be. But actually I was right where I needed to be, and with a broken and contrite heart, "Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God. He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood."

So here I raise my Ebenezer, as a show that You have been faithful. I'm not where I expected I'd be this summer, but Your ways are above my ways, and Your thoughts are above my thoughts. Thank you.
--
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

180 standie

big milestone yesterday, haha...

"You're never more like Jesus than when you serve."

Quote that's been running through my head.

let's keep it real here

i had a horrible freshmen year. let's hope for the better next year, but for the time being...

i missed you guys a lot. good to be home.

BILLY COMES BACK THIS WEEK.

Next weekend:

• Watch HP7 (jia, jenny, billy?)
• Longboard with the bros
• Potter Pals LAN
• Spam & COKE (not cola)

need to do something about this hair

I'm entirely failing at keeping my summer to-do list.

There's not enough time....sort of. I'm wasting my summer away playing LoL, although it's great fun having an excuse to meet up with people for 2-5 hours everyday...it is 2-5 hours a day. There is some cloud of laziness that is just cast over my life right now that started in January. I don't know how I pulled out with decent grades in college, when I can't wake up for anything anymore. I definitely tried harder in high school.

Exercise...I need it; especially now that I'll be eating BK meals multiple times a week for lunch, but P90x is such a tedious exercise, that I don't feel like following most of it. Maybe I'll hit up UD gym after school (although do I even have access?).

Longboarding has been real fun, just wish more people were around to do it....and I need (want) a new board...trucks...wheels. Ideal would be LBL Penguin, but a S9 Super Shaka would do...

I did hit up Hockessin library...once, and I started reading all these books on the first day that I'm sure I'll never touch now.

But, I'm enjoying summer. I can't get enough of home.

I always feel trapped in New Jersey, for some reason, even though I end up doing just as little work in Delaware as I do in Jersey.

(running) to do list

• read, read, read
• bible, history, photography, c++, news, etc
• hit up the library
• games
• board games
• "bite the bag"
• n64?
• longboard
• make some vids
• exercise
• clean
• organize music
• new mp3 player?
• roadtrip
• keep in touch with NU people
• Motorcycle license
• practice drums

I have tasted and seen that He is good.

Let that be enough

quick to listen

--

it's never too late!

Passing by HHS graduation...

I can't believe it's been a whole year. I definitely don't feel like a sophomore in college.

"I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or
any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now.
Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

Freshmen Year

God, it's been a hell of a year.

I tried to write a bunch of memories of freshmen year I had, but I could barely get past the first month before I decided to stop. There are too many.

Sophie told me today that people have noticed that I've changed. Strange since I don't think many people knew me that well first quarter...or second...or now.

As I sit in my empty dorm room, I can't help but think of all the experiences that happened in this room. Elder 229 is more than just a room to me, but a symbol of this year. My roommate and I coming together through longboarding, me going through the hardships of adapting in college, long bored nights spent alone.

I thought I would be ready to run away from freshmen year and quickly shelf it away and try not to remember. But I can't believe I am leaving this dorm room tomorrow, this campus, these people. Make no lie, I LOVE WCEC, but man...this campus is my home now. I didn't think I would say that. But Sheridan Road, the fraternity quads with the trees, and Lisa's, and SPAC, and the lake...this campus is home.

It's odd staring at an empty room. Last time I saw it like this was the beginning of the year, when I was with here with my parents. Them helping me set up everything, then exploring campus. My how I've changed.

I can't even put my tongue on it. I've become so much more aware of my shortcomings. I've discovered more about how situations are entirely out of my control.

I've rediscovered the gospel again and again. I've felt God lift my heart from a sad and raw state through a mediocre sermon.

I know what a "first love" of Jesus now.

See you in the Fall. Farewell, 229. It's been good.

God, why I am I so fucking selfish...

take it away, God....

Isa 55

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Rich, don't you see the yearning in their hearts?
Don't use see that they have that gaping hole in their heart, that thirst that they have?

You were given grace and welcomed, undeservingly.

You are for me

wikipedia.org/wiki/Judas_(song)

"Gaga further explained the inspiration behind the song: "It’s about constantly walking towards the light in my life, but always clutching onto the light while peering towards the devil in the back, [...] I sing about what a holy fool I am, and that although moments in my life are so cruel and relationships can be so cruel I’m still in love with Judas. I still go back again to those evil things." During her interview with Google, Gaga added to the song's meaning as about "honoring your darkness in order to bring yourself into the light, [...] You have to look into what’s haunting you and need to learn to forgive yourself in order to move on. And it’s really fun to dance to."^[2] She had also previously explained to Popjustice that she has a lot of things that have haunted her from her past, including her choices, men, drug abuse, being afraid to go back to New York, confronting old romances. Hence "Judas" represented something that was bad for her, something she cannot escape. Gaga said: I keep going back and forth between the darkness and the light in order to understand who I am."


We're just holy fools.

next 6 days

EA3 final
EECS101 final
EDC Final Report
EDC Prototype
EDC Presentation
EECS 202 final

I do struggle in finding where my academics go with God (or do they go somewhere?)

billy - back july 3rd week july
david - gone all summer
eddie - back on weekends
kubota - back in aug

>_<;;....

i'm going to go crazy.

school work overload

God...

help me.

fun dance

first time that i've gone to a dance without a girlfriend, and just had fun.

danced. no grinding, but pretty fun.

AAIV definitely fosters great dance circles, haha

didn't plan on going to this dance, but my good friend got dragged into going..

so now he's dragging me into going.

hopefully it won't be an awkward date.

crash course in dancing tomorrow morning.

if it goes well, i'll be semi-excited for it; i've always wanted to be able to go to a dance and enjoy myself.

i'm horrible date to a dance....so mr. nho, it's time for you to shine

Why sleep?

You can sleep when you're dead.

I just want to be real.

I'm sorry if I ever was  'that Christian" with the disdainful attitude as the first bottle of beer opens, thinking I'm "holier than thou."

I'm flawed in more ways than I'll ever know.

Whenever, people ask for prayers they'll always say "personal problems" or "problems with lust." I guess there is nothing wrong with that, but what holds us back from truly confessing?

Fear that people will look at us different. But that's the gospel isn't it? That I am so flawed but made perfect. How powerful would that be if people didn't confess with fear, but confessed freely.

Wouldn't this reflect how the true gospel? That we confess we are so guilty, but we are still accepted wholly by God. Only then will we experience true grace!

How powerful would that be?

"How are you doing?"
"I'm struggling with pornography."
"You're a Christian?"
"I'm a terrible person, but I know that made clean through Jesus Christ?"

Why do we act like perfect people, like the church is only a place for holy people?

He who has ears to hear, let him hear. Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him.


Jesus doesn't say that the holy and righteous heard him. It was the tax collectors and sinners that HEARD him. Let this church be filled with sinners, for they will be the ones who will HEAR.

So, Rich let's be real.

hope is alive

Tim be Told was really good live. The event itself was pretty amazing -- our fellowship didn't plan it. Instead, the Chinese group on campus invited TBT to come to NU, and once our president heard about it, he pounced on the opportunity. He's been praying for AAIV to be an integral part of the Asian-American community on campus, so that was actually really cool.

And seeing them answer questions to honestly and faithfully in a non-christian setting...

I wish I bought their new CD...

19 days until freshmen year is over.
32 days until delaware.

burnt out.

delaware please come faster

He who has ears to hear, let him hear. Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him.

Luke 14:35 - Luke 15:1

GOOD. NIGHT.

spectacular.

1 korean, 1 african-american, 1 taiwanese.

=P

God answers prayers in crazy ways....this is the type of thing I prayed for before coming to college!

wcec

i think the most amazing part of wcec was that i was able to get to know so many people....WELL. not just names in the same fellowship, but these ties run deep!

"Religion is the enemy of Christ"

Take my heart, God, and guard it. My God...Your words so sweet like honey.

I don't know why I always think the grass is greener on the other side...it never is satisfying.

Thanks for the reminder.

God, give me energy to stay awake =/

this crept up in my fb newsfeed...

Real card, real teacher, real kid.

Hahahaa....

i miss (my) chinese friends.

OMG I THINK I GREW AN INCH =P

what is it about

longboarding
snowboarding
skiing
motorcycles
surfing
wakeboarding
jetskiing

that simply makes me want to drop everything and go?

i think it's a desire to be free. in those quick moments of speed and exhilaration, i am free.

free from things of this world, free from STUFF.

it's my little taste of heaven, persay.

(but technically, i'm not free since i'm bound to those things i.e. longboards, snowboards...etc, sigh)

humble me, God.
break me, God.

I can't organize my thoughts without doubting my motives, without doubting myself.

Help me remain in You

NUIV is having a month called "EngageNU."

Pray for me, for boldness, courage--to not rely on my own power, but His during this month especially (but forever!)

best feeling in the world - patrick shin

I was talking to Patrick in the car, and he was talking about his favorite undergraduate experiences at UC San Diego.

(approx. what he said, lol)

"Sometimes, I'd go out to the beach early in the morning, and it was just beautiful driving with windows down to the morning chill as the sun as about to rise. Then you get out to the beach, and it's just you and a few other surfers; you're paddling out and surfing, and finally there's that moment when you're just on your board, and the sunrise is happening right in front of you. It's simply amazing, just to be right there--just WOW! I'd finish up surfing, then head to class."

I'd like to try surfing one day.

He was reminded of this because it was the first time we were driving to church with the windows down, and he says it just reminded him of the drives in California on the way to the beach.

Sometimes, I wish I went to California for college. The weather simply changes the vibe of the campus.

Pray for me for my rooming situation next year.

Man i forgot what 70 degrees felt like. Welcome spring!

I'm not in control

One of the toughest pills to swallow for me for the Christian faith is the thought that I am not in control. I've grown up with the mindset of "You want it? Go get it for yourself."

The more and more I come in contact with fatal diseases and world disasters, the more I realize that I have no control over my life. Think about it. Japan was not one person, but an entire country running independently. One day? The entire country in shambles. What you thought was yesterday is not today. One of the greatest economies in the world, drained in one day.

Many times people will say that health comes first, beyond anything. And they have good reason to. What is your diploma worth when you are on your deathbed? What is that final exam to you when radiation is plaguing your body? What is your bank account worth when you hit the pavement after flying through the windshield?

My life is not my own. My life is but clock winding down; when it stops, it stops.

It's those things that people don't think about, nor do they like to. Do you think elderly people expect to die the next day? I know for sure that I don't expect to die (as a young person), but I'm willing to bet to bet elderly people don't. It's not like as you get older you think that you start thinking you don't have control over yourself. Let's face it, we could die at 15 years old, we could die at 90 years old. What is 75 years to God? He lives in ETERNITY.

What will we do then, seconds before dying? If you died right now (completely possible: drunk driver drives into building, plane crashes, tsunami floods the room, hit by random bullets in a fight), what would be on your mind that instant?

Grades? How your hair looks? The color of your shoes? The phone you have?

Back in Delaware there was a thunderstorm. I think a lightning bolt hit less than a mile from my house, and I felt my entire house shake. I was instantly reminded of this video from years ago, that I posted on my xanga

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7ZDPNNNX

I was scared out of my mind. At first, like the video, I thought I had been left behind. I cried. Then I thought...wait Heaven will be on Earth, so maybe I'm okay. Then, after a while, I realized that the day had not yet come, and that I really needed to brush up my Bible reading more to actually know when it does come, and I thanked the Lord for giving me another chance.

God, help me learn that I am not in control. But You are. Help me learn that my body is not my own, and that Your reward in heaven is so much greater than what is here on Earth. Help me love YOU Lord. I cannot achieve pure joy on my own. I cannot live my best life on my own strength. Teach me to rely on Your strength, Oh God!

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I FEEL GIDDY LIKE A LITTLE BOY CHASING AFTER AN ICE CREAM TRUCK!

i've converted

http://rrichhh.tumblr.com/

i'm sorry. i'll still try to use this one, but most of my NU friends use tumblr. =/

Back in Evanston

Make my faith steadfast, God. I CANNOT do this without You, nor do I want to (try to fake my way through).

It was a good first day, talked to people, and had fun. I'm slowly getting to more and more of my fellowship.
-------------
Sidenote: We played this game. If you guys have time, you should try it.

Similar to the game with passing a paper around, each person writing one line of the story, except you are only able to see the previous line only. However, in this, the person has to draw a picture if they read a line, or write a line if they see a picture. Hilarious results ensue, try it.
-------------

I don't know what else to say. I'm rooming with roommate next year, and I really want to make my faith personal this quarter. I'm only going to grow threw trials, so let the trials begin!

Let me not forget how this world is about HIM, and not me!
Let me not forget how about how crazy it is for this GOD who was the BEGINNING and will be the END, and my good deeds are "DIRTY RAGS" that can definitely not achieve "holiness," ...that HE would slaughter His SON just for me.

I don't want to sound arrogant. These are things I really struggle with; I am of weak faith, really trying to grow and personalize my faith.

To spring quarter!

----
New Set up - Extra Monitor!

Byebye Delaware...

It was good and sweet. I'll see you in June.

spring break 2011

Spring Break is coming to a close. This week was an incredible week for me; there was rarely a dull day. I almost felt like I was at a retreat, but my friends were the speakers. I feel so inspired for my faith, but there is something different from this time.

I see the fruit, almost immediately. For the first time ever in my life, I'm not afraid to have a conversation about God with my parents. I'm not afraid to share my opinions on certain aspects of faith and life, because I know why I believe. It's like opening up a new side to me. Today I talked to an old friend who's fallen away from his faith, about faith and life for about 2-3 hours. I didn't even plan on meeting with him; it was truly a coincidence (ordained by God?).

He had a lot of hard questions. I didn't have all the answers. BUT IT WAS OKAY. We had a great conversation, and in the end, I admitted that my faith was weak. There were a lot of areas that I still had questions about, but that it was still all about this love slowly growing inside of me.

He was open to it and thanked me for the great conversation.

God is strongest IN MY WEAKNESS. Do you believe it? For those of you who read this blog and I haven't shared my testimony yet, ask me! I pray that I am not so arrogant that I attribute these things to myself, but that I may praise the Lord!

My faith is still weak, but it is headed in the right direction, and it is making that much of a difference.

"Where a little faith's enough
To see mountains lift and move"

-----------------

Spring Break To-Do List!
CHECK: fix longboard
EH: get phone switched
        -scratches on my phone voided the warranty, whaattt
CHECK: go pleasure-longboarding
NO: PAL with kubota
          -But we did have great conversations until 4am. No regrets
CHECK: Give my testimony to people.
               -Yes, yes, yes...5 people over break? Bringing my total to 9 (of people back at Delaware)
CHECK:submit fafsa
       -still need to get idoc and other stuff done
CHECK:AAIV Leadership
        -my "prayerfully considering" led me to apply for Prayer Team! What do you know!
EH_CHECK: Hang out with UD people
        -Hung out with Jia and had lunch with Jenny, and talked to Jeff. It was really nice, but I never got to hang out with Frankie. Disappointing, I wish I could manage my time better.
EH_CHECK: Finish both of my books
         -ended up finishing another book that I wasn't referring to in my to do list. I finished Blue LIke Jazz by Donald Miller. Great book, I highly suggest it.
          -to reads: Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Know Why You Believe by Paul Little, The Fight by John White, and Blueprint by Jaeson Ma. I'll be lucky if I finish two of these by end of Spring Quarter
NO: Cook at least 2 times for my parents
       -my purpose in this was showing my love for them, and I think this Spring Break has been an epic breakthrough to just talking to them. So I don't feel so bad about this.
SORTA: Catch up/set friendship right with Anita
 CHECK: hang out with Annie
CHECK: Bug Mary about college apps
          -a little overdone =(
CHECK: Look at stuff to do over the summer
         -UD Classes. 1st SEM CISC 181 (C++) and 2nd SEM PHYS 208 (E&M)
                       -this isn't finalized yet
FAIL: Phone James and figure out housing. Lol crap

---------------------------------------------

I want to start updating more, and posting more than one-liner posts. I'm always discouraged by whether my post is out there for attention or just out there for...I don't know. I think I'm just going to try to write though, and hope it's for the best.

I'm scared and excited to go back to college. I have 9ams next quarter (I hear the high schoolers complaining already), and it's going to be pretty hard for me to get up and start the day of with God on my mind, but I really pray that God will give me the strength to do it.

Really, this is almost an impossible goal for me. So if it get's done....it is all God's strength. I pray that this passion I have would not die this spring quarter, or ever.

I want to dream so big that the dream is only possible with God.

did you know the angryasianman blogger was once a IV staff worker?

yep.

Sometime in my life, I wanna go on one of these trips...

One More

After tomorrow, I'll have successfully completed two quarter, or 2/3, of my freshmen year. This second quarter definitely better than the first. Spiritually, physically, mentally...and academically?

Probably not academically, since I dropped a class, but apparently I got over 100% in my math class. I'll write about that in another post; I definitely think it's an accident.

I can say confidently now that I'm slowly getting to know more and more AA people. (Everytime I write "AA", it looks like Alcoholics Anonymous to me, but please know that it's short for AAIV.) Still don't have that "solid" group, but it's getting there. Originally, I knew one fellow engineer in AA who lived on North Campus, but he was one of the laziest people I've met. I really don't know how he is passing college.

Not to say I only like to make "smart" friends, but it's annoying when every time you study with someone, all the teaching is one way. I really hope that guy changes his ways...soon, or else he probably won't be here next year.

Met Mike...another engineering on North Campus. He's Korean, and there's definitely slight culture difference, but still a cool guy, andound out he's an "INTJ", like Billy  lol, but there's a pretty big difference between them.

Anyway, I'll write more later.
Things to pray about:
-roommate situation - to stay with my "nonchristian" roommate who I love, or to go with one of the great Christian guys whom I met early on this year
-AA leadership

Schedule:

-Flight Thursday at 12:20pm
- going back to JERSEY first, at the request of my parents
-going back to Delaware Saturday morning/afternoon?
-CHILL TO MAX, CHILLAXXXINGGG

I need to give up something for lent.

TO DO FOR SPRING BREAK (in not particular order)
  -fix longboard
  -get phone switched
 -go pleasure-longboarding. possibly take pictures too?
 - exercise at PAL? with kubota?
 - give my testimony to people
 - submit fafsa
 - prayerfully consider AAIV leadership. the app's like 15 pages long! but that is not the stopping point.
       a) If I am ready/should I pursue leadership?
       b) Which leadership? Praise? Prayer team? in-reach team, outreach team..?
-(finish AA app)
-hang out with UD people
     -specifically, i'd like to hang out with Frankie at least once
-finish both of my books
-cook at least 2 times for my parents
-catch up/set friendship right with Anita
-hang out with Annie?
 -bug Mary about college apps
 -look at stuff to do over the summer
 -keep in touch with some NU people
-ski with carolyn?
-fill out ctecs
-most of all, RELAX

maybe tomorrow I'll organize this into a schedule.

EDC Awards

We didn't win. I did firmly believe that we did have the best design, but admittedly, we probably had the ugliest prototype. What made me mad about who won the Design Award, was first, I didn't think their design was very good, but mostly, one of the guys was talking so much shit to the other groups about their designs.

There have been a few times in my life where I wanted to punch someone square in the face, and this was one of them. It wouldn't have been a big deal if I didn't pour my life and soul into this design this entire quarter, staying late at night in the shop, and getting up early.

However, I don't doubt that God wanted to kill us all when we went against Him, when we talked shit about Him. We were His Creation, His Design. He poured His LOVE into us.

Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned. Let me have Your heart for everyone I know, for they are created in Your Image.

another project finished (nearly).

My project this quarter for EDC (Engineering Design and Communication) was to help a 22 year old girl with her use of the Kindle. She has a disease called Friedrich's Ataxia, where she does not have fine motor control in her hands and uses a wheelchair. Before, as a graduate student, when she reads all of her textbooks on the Kindle, her mom has to press the "Next Page" button for her. You can imagine how tedious this is, reading textbooks alongside with your daughter.

So, the project was to allow her to use the Kindle independently. The final project, which still looks really ugly, took probably over 30 hours of shoptime within the past 4 days. It really gives me a new appreciation for...EVERYTHING made. Machines are awesome...

Sure humans have the creativity and smarts, but machines have precision and repeatability. Anyway, maybe I'll post a picture of our design here. It's pretty ugly, and I'm not even sure if it works though, but I really hope it does.

 another quarter gone...2 more finals, 1 presentation, and back to the East Coast. I'll be in NJ from Mar 17-19, then in Delaware from Mar 19-27.

I need a haircut badly.

I texted Google this morning for the weather. I thought I had changed the default location from Wilmington to Evanston, but I didn't. I flipped out when I saw "52 degrees with 4mph." I was ready to go out in tshirts and shorts, until I smartly double checked with my iPod. 32, feels like 21. That's more like it.

I do love Northwestern, and the people I've met here, but I do wish it was a little warmer, and the campus was a more square then rectangular (although I shouldn't be complaining. From one corner to another is about 20min walking).

The word "texted" is underlined red. Webster needs to update their dictionary to this generation.

i love and hate engineering

I hate writing programs. But I love it when they work; it's you're own creation coming to life.

I hate going to Ford building stuff. But I love when a good design comes to life.

In the past 2 days, I've probably spent around 12 hours in the shop and 12 hours on coding, both in frustration.

Next week, finals...then home.

This quarter has been a great improvement from the first. Thank you, God. You never let go.

ISTP

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/istp/
http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTP.html

"The Mechanic"

inception

What if Earth is limbo?

And the only reason to our existence here is to realize that we are in limbo, and then tell others?

And that most of us are just caught up in the ways of limbo, that we begin to forget that we are not in true reality?

And Jesus...

16 days until Spring Break. This time it will be different though, because many of the college people will have already had their Spring Break. I suppose I'm excited for this quarter to end, but honestly, this might be the easiest course-load I'll ever take at Northwestern.

I have high expectations for Spring Quarter, weather-wise at Northwestern. I'm convinced that the reason why I don't visit my friends who live down south that often is because I live so far away from them (almost a whole mile!).

And I broke my longboard, and I want a new one, but I don't think I will ask my parents after my stitches costing a ridiculous amount. Sigh...I was doing a good job not spending that much money this quarter too.

I want peace. I hope that one day I can reach the point where I can say, "I am the man who I want to be."

And I don't think I will reach that point through success in the corporate world, marrying a beautiful woman, or suddenly learning how to play piano, guitar, and sing well.

"Where are the young men and women of this generation who will hold their lives cheap, and be faithful even unto death, who will lose their lives for Christ’s, flinging them away for love of him?


Where are those who will live dangerously, and be reckless in this service? 


Where are the men of prayer?


Where are the men who count God’s Word of more importance to them than their daily food?


Where are the men who, like Moses of old, commune with God face to face? 


Where are God’s men in this day of God’s power?"

testimony...in 30 minutes.

Be with me God...

topics

So, I dropped the class that i got a 43% on the midterm, so now I'm finding more and more free time. For instance, my first class of the day is 11AM now...however, I should keep going to that class because that way I can understand all of the course the next time I take it, but I just have a horrible dedication when I'm not officially enrolled in that class, similar to how I failed at "auditing" classes--I simply can't do it. I tried auditing CHEM102 my freshmen year in high school, and I tried auditing MATH243, both at UD...simply could not do it.

-Valentine's Day is tomorrow! (now it's past)

-My roommate

-AAIV

-chiO

the shiny happy grades are over..

43/100 on my EE midterm

probably going to drop...but it's my major!

sigh...

five stitches on my forehead
fuck.

alliteration.

Context: One of our math quizzes was way to hard, so my math professor scaled it. The total amount of points that one could get was 15, but if anyone got 10 or over, s/he got a 100%. I got an 11/10. My professor asked us to email us if we wanted the extra points.

I emailed him. Here is what I received.

Note: My professor is the most German man, so make sure you read this in a slight German accent.

Hi Richard,

I could do that. But do you really want it? think about it. You are among the top 5 people in the class,

I have no doubt that you'll get an A in 234 which is generally a course that students struggle with. I could give you this point but I would like to tell you that you don't really need it. You have an almost perfect score on all the quizzes of which the average is way below. So, as a teacher I can assure you that it's almost impossible to do better than you and 3-4 other students in class of 70. If you insist on this point I'll give it to you, but if my praise of your performance is sufficient information then let's keep it at 10 (it's 100%). I will leave this decision up to you but you can be certain that you really don't need this point.

All the best,

Dirk Brockmann

This is one of those emails that you expect to receive, but never do (and therefore you never really expect it either. I'll probably ask him for the points after I do poorly on the midterm.

Second Note: I'm not a multi-variable calculus genius! We just haven't had a midterm yet, so it's just been homework and quiz grades. Also, I didn't get 100% on all of them, I got a 9/10 and a 8/10. The averages are around 7/10.

--------------------

My self confidence in math has been boosted way high, but at the same time I feel like a terrible grade grubber. haha...man

sigh

Quarter is already half done.

meaningless post

dislikes:

-people who brag about how little they study, how little they sleep, how much they procrastinate...
-people who open with their mouthes open

"We live in a society where comfort has become a value and a life goal. But comfort reduces our motivation for introducing important transformations in our lives. Sadly, being comfortable often prohibits us from chasing our dreams. Many of us are like lions in the zoo: well-fed but sit around passively stuck in a reactive rut. Comfort equals boring shortsightedness, and a belief that things cannot change. Your comfort zone is your home base, a safe place not to stay in, but to return to, after each exhausting and exhilarating expedition through the wilderness of life. Take a look at your life today, if you are enjoying a shelter of comfort, break through it and go outside where life awaits."

college-esqe essay for bank of america scholarship

Tell us about your educational and career goals and objectives. (1000 char)


for the future...

this past weekend

1. NYR #4 Find a group

I had just spent a few hours with Esther and her friends, showing them around campus, sneaking them into the dining halls, then exploring Evanston, I dropped them off at the concert hall they were going to (to watch their friend perform in a concerto), and I left to celebrate one of my friend's birthdays at Cafe 527. In the end, it wasn't that worth going to (I know her, but not familiar with her group), but I, luckily, was forced to leave early because I had to return an NU ID card back to a kid. I went to Focus (AAIV's large group) afterwards, then went to Redmango with some people. Started walking into Evanston to RedMango with some guys a met a while back during AAIV Fall Overnight.

I didn't have any Froyo (because it doesn't taste good and it's overpriced, although Yofurt Parfait is another story =P), but the guys I was with talked about watching a movie back at their dorm. I agreed - really, I had nothing better to do.

These two guys, Silas and Brandon, and I walked back to Silas's South-Campus dorm, and soon we were joined by Eric and Yuchi. Five guys (harhar) in one dorm room watching Zombieland.

Five guys is definitely enough; I don't know why, but we all seem to hit it off well with each other. None of us were party animals, but none of us were super anti-social...they were just...REAL guys. Descriptions..

Brandon is black. He reminds me of Raishad actually. He met Silas at FUP.
Silas is asian, and he actually doesn't remind me of anyone. He's just one of those chill guys..
Eric actually sort of reminds me of Billy--tall and skinny. However, he follows sports, but he did graduate from a huge nerdy school, so yeah..
Yuchi is a piano major. He actually reminds me of Phil...before he became so open with his opinions on girls. Of the 4, I probably know him the least, but he seems like a very sociable type of guy.

So, that was an epic day in my college career. Of course, I still have a long time to go, but this group definitely seems much more promising then my other ones. AAIV this year for some reason has some great influx of females, and the other college guys are just after girls. I was going to say alcohol and partying, but that's only a substep.

I ended up watching the Ravens - Steelers with those guys the next day, and 8 episodes of Avatar the Last Airbender on Sunday night.

2. I met my client for EDC today.

3. Internships

I will expand more later on those topics (maybe), but I have entire classes I don't understand right now, in which I have midterms in 2 weeks. I plan to sleep at normal times this quarter (pre 2am?)...so far I have failed.

--
PS..I also watched "The Following" by Christopher Nolan with the camera girl/Birthday girl in this post and 2 other people on Saturday night. Interesting movie....definitely recommend it. It's only an hour long.

3 movies in 3 nights! wooohooooo....

When I say, "orange," phonetically, I say, "ah-range."

The "Ah" as in squirrels saying Allen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaPepCVepCg

Everyone else I know says "or-range."

I've had a semi-accent on one word (I think it's New York) for 18 years and had no idea...

I have eaten
the COLD BLACK COFFEE
that was in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
it was delicious
so sweet
and so cold

--

sitting in the library and drinking cold black coffee. i don't know why it taste so good, but it does!

i hope you caught the sexual innuendos in this poem of mine.

and the quarter has kicked into its 1st gear, slowly but surely getting busier.

I celebrated my roommate's birthday today with his family and girlfriend. Put simply, his family is extremely wealthy. Yet they're so down-to-earth. His dad has a goof-ball sense of humor and his mother has...a motherly sense of a humor (I don't know how to describe....but one that would be appropriate for a mother to have) which translating into my roommate and his sister having this goof-ball humor.


We went to a fancy Italian restaurant, and I ordered a soup ($8) with Salmon Pasta ($15), only because everyone else was getting soup and salad, and I didn't want to be the odd one without a "Primi." They sipped glasses of wine and casually bantered, throwing stories hear and there (my roommate is quite the storyteller).

It's just an entirely different vibe from my family (and I daresay) and Asian households.

Better...or worse? I'm not positive, but I would say better. Asian households always seem to be in a rush, extremely goal-oriented people. You make a list, and you finish it. When you finish it, you better start making another list.

SATs? Okay good, College? Great, Job? Excellent, wife? Nice, kids? Awesome, college for the kids?

Them? ...I don't know.

The dinner was delicious though, and the waiters looked like Mario and Luigi.
----

On a side note, I went on a 1 day 1 night ski trip this weekend. Slopes were tiny, so I decided to work on rails. After many times of chickening out, I started going on them. Hard, yes. But not as painful as I thought....sometimes. Grinded my first rail =P

Also I should've known that overnight ski trip with college kids = alcohol at night. Luckily we played a dare or drink game, so I just did all the dares. And again, luckily, I didn't get any sexual dares, just nasty ones, which I'm fine with.

Drunk people are funny until....

One of my good friends (when I say good, many like....top 5 people I got to know at NU) had ONE shot. But she's a severe lightweight (think 5'7" and under 100 lbs), and she was just out of it after 30 minutes after she took it (she was also running on an hour of sleep after a day of snowboarding).

The other guys got drunk, and one of them was clearly trying to flirt/take advantage of her inebriation.

Not fucking cool.

I don't disapprove of alcohol. But I disapprove of a lot of activities it is related too, and I fear for girls who don't realize the danger, especially someone like her who can get pretty tipsy after a single shot.

To give you an idea, I talked to her on the bus this morning, and told her about how one of the guys tried to get her to keep drinking (after she was clearly wayyy too drunk). She was going to accept until me and the other part-sober girl in the room quickly decided to intervene. When we stopped the interaction, she told me in the morning, her mind slowly was like "Yeahh...maybe it's not a good idea I don't..."

Maybe.

Career, Happiness, and the Future

tbc

First College Break..the End

I should go to sleep real soon since I have to wake up at 5 tomorrow for my flight, but...

college right now...feels like a dream. It almost feels like I never left. Weird...but back to reality tomorrow.

Tomorrow-

-Organize dorm room-check
-See what books I need-check
-Get a schedule for the quarter (study, eating, exercise)
-Write stuff to people, goodbyes
-get quarters for laundry-check
-deposit money-bank was closed
-notebooks for classes?
-finish and submit resume-finished, but website was down

12/28 to 12/31

Memorable week, I feel like I should record it.

12/28 - Hadn't seen Grace in a while, went to visit with Esther and David with plans to go sledding...but ended up heading to JLi's house, playing games, watching SlumDog

12/29 - Battery Park with Billy, Eddie, Jenny, Jia...acme for ingredients, then dinner afterwards, then Black Swan after that. "Spam and Cola"

12/30 - Bollywood Night at Neelima's house. Went with Eddie...interesting. started watching Lady Vengeance...weird film. Just wasn't in the mood for it, but good to chill with a new group and not feel awkward.

12/31 - Breakfast at Friendly's, Infection at my house, then n64 smash, then WCEC for Sarah Yeh's going away party, Allen's for the annual new years countdown

1/1 Hasn't happened yet, but today will be a great family bonding day....for the crap I put my parents through for this week

Another goal:
Keep in contact with more people. TIME, TIME, TIME MANAGEMENT.

Hello, 2011

I have many hopes and ambitions for you.

1. Be Me. That day at the mall with Billy? That was me.
2. Be sincere, be real. With my faith, with my parents, with my friends, with strangers.
3. Find a passion
4. Find a group. Sadly, I don't have one settled group at college. I have scattered ones...
5. Reserve judgment, be humbled
6. Love my family better (they definitely deserve it)
7. Be a better brother (not just biological)
8. Get good grades, Learn two more programming languages. (Over $9000 of tuition says this should be here.)
9. Exercise, be healthy (I say this should be here)
10. Budget better (this one may be surprising to people)

Most of these are vague and hardly quantifiable...but this will be it.

Basically, this translates to...Be more open-hearted, get more involved with AAIV, study/exercise in the afternoon, socialize at night, love my family more.

Goodbye, 2010.

 I want to say you were the best year, but I'm afraid I can't forget a plethora of shit that happened. Let's be open here, I could pretend to be all pretentious and austere and use grandiloquent words...but let's be real and sincere. I don't think "negatives" suffices.

Don't let me be mistaken, there were plenty of spectacular and exciting moments and seasons that happened in 2010.

///"End" of Senior Year.
I remember Billy and I celebrated at Friendly's a year ago for finally finishing applications. The feeling of going through High School and just not studying for tests is unmatched. Sure, the application results were nerve-racking to wait for...but I applied to reasonable schools, schools within my reach. Except for three of course, but I never really cared for Brown (at least not nearly as much as a certain person), I only applied to WashU for the Multicultural Week, and Cooper Union...well. Honestly, I'd rather go to Northwestern for the "true college experience," but the fact that CU was mind-numbingly cheaper made me want to go. I dreamt of that full scholarship, but never achieved it...but I didn't really expect it.

I got into my dream school of my early high school days, but didn't go. (Okay, let's be honest about this one. I  definitely did NOT deserve to get into Cal, but CA was poor, therefore Out-Of-Staters=CashMoney.)

I guess I'm painting my college application process and bit to picture perfect. I feel like the most important decision out of the entire process was settling on engineering. What a decision of pure luck--

(Man, I am mad tangenting.) I think I've written about why I chose Northwestern, but I'll summarize. Fall 2009, during application process, I dumbly thought that I wanted to become a doctor, so I applied to all these silly 7-year medical programs, making up stories about why I wanted to become a doctor. Most of the schools were schools that I never would have gone to without the program, so when I say I got into 10 schools...really it's not saying much at all. Northwestern was one of the few (next to Brown's PLME program) colleges that I applied to that had an academic reputation for their school, even without the program.

The reason I applied to Northwestern was for their HPME (Honors Program in Medical Education) Program.  When you apply, you can choose between applying for a science or engineering undergraduate, and I remember this conversation with Billy where I simply chose engineering on a whim. This was crucial later on in 2010...

Basically, once I finally came to my senses and decided on Engineering, even if it did have lower pay than Pharmacy (at RU) or MD's...it was what I wanted to do (or closer to what I wanted. I still don't know for sure).

Sure, my mom still bugs me every time I come back about going Engineering Pre-med, or switching to Bio-Premed (she thinks I'm amazing at Bio because I did well in AP), but I shrug it off. I'm at ease with Engineering though--I couldn't imagine myself studying for anything else.

Future Topic: My thoughts on Pre-meds

///Senior Year In General

I'm cheating here, but I hardly think of years as in actual years, but more like academic years. Basically, I'm going to include 2009 winter break in this 2010 summary too. Vermont Ski Trip - one of the best seasons of my life. Two full weeks of snow days? Epic senior year. Not having to pay for it in make up days because we're seniors? Even better. Getting out of Charter before it started sucking? Great.

///Senior Summer
Honestly, I don't remember much of it, but I do remember it was fun. FIFA parties every single day, camping,  VBS, workcamp, Six Flags...honestly, I could probably write a paragraph about all of those, but I'll save you (the reader who actually stays awake reading this boring, sub-par crap), the details. I will note that workcamp was really good for me in that I finally got to know some of the younger YG kids.

///Graduation
....was kind of boring, but I feel like it's sort've a big deal. It's nice to finally be able to put "High School Graduate" on those drop-down menus for random websites rather than "Middle School Graduate" or "Didn't Graduate." I guess it was the feeling of finally getting done with High School.

///Taiwan/Japan
I regret not being happier during these trips. I'm terribly sorry for my Mom and the things I make her go through. What an awesome trip. Delicious food, great sites....it's still weird for me to say "I've been to Japan."

///Beginning of College
-My awesome awesome roommate. I could not have made a better roommate (think Sims).
-Great people that care. I've never been "surprised" on my birthday, so being surprised by people I'd only known for 2 months? Quite surprising.

//2010 Winter Break
-Living in a Presidential Suite for the first time! (and most likely, only time)
-Learning to snowboard (check off the bucketlist!)
-Getting to know people better. This one is surprising, I didn't expect this to happen after everyone left for college, but...it did.

Notice my college list is a bit short. I came to college with a lot of goals and expectations, and I'm afraid I just didn't work hard enough for them. Therefore, a lot of my NYResolutions will be my College goals...again.

As for the "crap" that happened during 2010, I don't really want to put it in print. Most likely, all of it was directly and completely my fault. Lack of judgment, lack of trust, stupidity, poor time management--all normal causes of problems, but it just happened during such a big transition year that everything was (or seemed) much worse.

2010....the highs were so high, but the lows were so low. I might prefer a more moderate 2009 though, I'm not quite sure. What I can say though is that 2006-2010 overall...were pretty much the best years of my life. Far, far better than life in New Jersey. Thank you, Delaware.

I don't consider myself a New Jerseyian.