What do you want? What do you desire?
Depending on the context, the question can be asininely simple or cannot be answered without writing many paragraphs describing the very nuances of our desires. At a restaurant, "what do you want?" Simple - I tend to like saltier and heartier foods, and for a decent price. But in life, "what do you want?" That....I'm still figuring out. I thought I'd know at 30, yet I'm 31 and I really have no clue. Is it necessary to have a north star like that? Maybe for some, but is it necessary for me? I don't know.
I met a person who could not tell if she genuinely liked something or simply wanted it because others had it. For example, when I was younger, I never had lunchables. Still to this day, I've never eaten a lunchable. I saw all the other kids have them, but I never asked my parents. I'm not sure why, maybe it was desirable but just felt like the type of thing my parents wouldn't get for me. No biggie.
Later on in life, I got the adult version of lunchables. Hormel's cracker ham and cheese tray. 3x the price as a lunchable for like 20x the quantity. I fucking love it. Honestly, I'm not sure if it taste all that good - it's nothing compared to some gourmet cheese charcuterie board set up, but I genuinely enjoy eating it. Maybe it tastes good, or maybe its just satisfying the childish desire of lunchables.
This person I met, in this lunchable example, grew up in an environment where her parents could not provide her with frivolous things like lunchables, and she knew that. So she denied the desire for herself, and wrote off others who liked these trendy things. But deep down, she wanted the trendy thing for herself. But she never tried it. So really, she doesn't know whether she likes it or just wants to do the trendy things - or if she actually really doesn't even like it?
Now she's well into adulthood, still the limbo between does she like it? Or does she want it because everyone else has it? But then, she judges those who just buy trendy things, because she had to as a kid. But as an adult...she can just buy it now. But the inner turmoil remains.
A simple question of "do you like that <object of desire>" for her doesn't lead to the simple answer of yes or no. For her it's..."doesn't everyone?"
That answer is so crazy to me, yet I really feel for her. How hard life must be when you don't know if your desires are your own.
What if you are successful in reaching all your desires, and finally you hit your pinnacle desire long term desire...and you realize that it wasn't you wanted all along? It was just someone else's dream, but not yours. So you should be happy but you're not. Wouldn't everyone else be happy in that situation? But not you.
I just want my family and friends to be happy.
