I still feel a barrier to write things when I write on my tumblr. Like there's an audience to impress or something. All these Weinberg students that write essays all the time for their classes, and here I am just writing whatever comes to my mind. Blogspot has always been nice because I'll share the blog with close friends, but I really don't think anyone actually remembers the link, so it's anonymous in that way. Also, most people (I think) who know are friends from Delaware, so they probably have no idea what I'm talking about or will never meet the people I write about in my posts of Northwestern.
I sleep too much. I wish I could train my body to run on little sleep, but I can't (I think). I got 5.5 hours of sleep last night and could barely keep my eyes open for 2 minutes in eecs222. Maybe I really should invest in a $80 alarm clock to help wake me up, and start drinking coffee regularly.
Was I always this lazy? I feel like every quarter I reach the point where I finally start doing work...but this is four weeks in, and I've been barely doing anything. Okay, that's not true, I do my homework, but I do the bare minimum. That's not the Rich Chang I know. What is this lack of motivation? Why does my schedule look so full yet I feel like I'm doing so little?
And Valentine's Day is coming up. -_-. Would be nice to have a girl, but I probably would have no time for anything if I did.
I'm enjoying this quarter though, despite my complaints. Actually, I'm enjoying this quarter the most of all my quarters at Northwestern (college get's better every quarter!). Maybe that's why....I'm not a work hard/play hard type of guy. Apparently I'm either all play or all work, and I'm in play-mode right now.
lol. I don't know what I'm writing about anymore...
我要去睡觉了。 晚安！
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
men's den 2012-2013
I'm excited. I think things like this is a good representation of things in AAIV that I'm proud of. Why? These 11(+?) are guys I don't know that well. Or most of them. But all of us are finally coming to together and saying, "I'll be damned if I don't get to know my own brothers by the time I graduate," and creating this community.
Rather than living with people they're comfortable with, we're all making a conscious decision to create this community den that we are all putting our best foot forward to create.
Now let's pray for great housing numbers.
Rather than living with people they're comfortable with, we're all making a conscious decision to create this community den that we are all putting our best foot forward to create.
Now let's pray for great housing numbers.
time
Time is a scary thing to think about. I still feel new to this campus, yet in a few months I'll be a junior at Northwestern. It's not that I'm not adjusted to living at college, it's just whenever I come back from a break and go from Midway all the way back to Bobb, it still feels like a journey to somewhere. Sort of like the movie 50 First Dates....except with a campus, if that makes any sense at all. Coming back after summer break was odd because I felt like a new student...who knew where everything was, almost as if I had been to the campus in a previous dream.
Anyway, I'm totally off topic from what I originally wanted to talk about.
Time, and how one spends it. Your values show through how you manage your time. I can say with my words that I value something, say I love playing violin, but if I don't put any time into, my words don't mean anything. To say that you don't have enough time only means, you're spending too much time on something that you don't value as much as the time you spent on in seems to imply.
Isn't that true? Most of us probably sleep around 6 hours a night, leaving 18 hours a day. EIGHTEEN HOURS. Maybe four of those ours are due to class, which necessary as we are college students, but how many of those hours are we on Facebook (...youtube, tumblr, etc)? Much more than I'd like to admit, but I'm sure as hell if I wrote down my list of of values, Youtube videos would not be on top or probably even on that list. My time invested says otherwise though.
"The only thing worse than a man who doesn't know what he values is one that lies about it too."
Now. That isn't to say we all suck and value Facebook above our parents. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I definitely don't spend enough time calling and talking to them. There's a difference between deceiving yourself of your values and wanting a certain set of values. Deceiving is making false claims while wanting is setting a goal. The desire to talk to my parents and get to know them more is a goal. The claim that I love playing violin? You might believe me if I can sell it enough. I'm afraid I'm the only who can tell the difference between my own goals and false claims.
But it's definitely important to know what you value, for your own benefit and for others. To be able to see what you want (to get to know a certain person better, to sharpen a certain skill) and to know how well you are doing in achieving that goal, and to see if there are areas that you're spending too much time in a certain area that you don't value at all (say, sleep or your major).
Time management is the name of the game. So what exactly do I value..
Anyway, I'm totally off topic from what I originally wanted to talk about.
Time, and how one spends it. Your values show through how you manage your time. I can say with my words that I value something, say I love playing violin, but if I don't put any time into, my words don't mean anything. To say that you don't have enough time only means, you're spending too much time on something that you don't value as much as the time you spent on in seems to imply.
Isn't that true? Most of us probably sleep around 6 hours a night, leaving 18 hours a day. EIGHTEEN HOURS. Maybe four of those ours are due to class, which necessary as we are college students, but how many of those hours are we on Facebook (...youtube, tumblr, etc)? Much more than I'd like to admit, but I'm sure as hell if I wrote down my list of of values, Youtube videos would not be on top or probably even on that list. My time invested says otherwise though.
"The only thing worse than a man who doesn't know what he values is one that lies about it too."
Now. That isn't to say we all suck and value Facebook above our parents. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I definitely don't spend enough time calling and talking to them. There's a difference between deceiving yourself of your values and wanting a certain set of values. Deceiving is making false claims while wanting is setting a goal. The desire to talk to my parents and get to know them more is a goal. The claim that I love playing violin? You might believe me if I can sell it enough. I'm afraid I'm the only who can tell the difference between my own goals and false claims.
But it's definitely important to know what you value, for your own benefit and for others. To be able to see what you want (to get to know a certain person better, to sharpen a certain skill) and to know how well you are doing in achieving that goal, and to see if there are areas that you're spending too much time in a certain area that you don't value at all (say, sleep or your major).
Time management is the name of the game. So what exactly do I value..
annie
Goodness, it's be almost two months and I still can't wrap my head around it...that she doesn't...exist here anymore.
I was in Mudd library; it must have been a Tuesday night because I was working on 223 homework when I found out. Luckily 223 homework is due on Thursdays, so I immediately put away my books and just sat there, in front of the computer in disbelief. I had come back from Thanksgiving the day before. I called her on the train ride back to campus the day before
...and she sounded so weak, so weak that I could barely make out her words.
God, this is my first encounter of shortage of time. I was going to hang out with her during Thanksgiving break, but the whole NJ/DE thing was weird and never got to it. I told her we could hang when I got back for Winter Break.
I don't know. She was probably the only person back in Jersey that I still felt tight with at the level I am with Delaware folk.
Still doesn't fit in my hand. I can't wrap my head around death. yet
I was in Mudd library; it must have been a Tuesday night because I was working on 223 homework when I found out. Luckily 223 homework is due on Thursdays, so I immediately put away my books and just sat there, in front of the computer in disbelief. I had come back from Thanksgiving the day before. I called her on the train ride back to campus the day before
...and she sounded so weak, so weak that I could barely make out her words.
God, this is my first encounter of shortage of time. I was going to hang out with her during Thanksgiving break, but the whole NJ/DE thing was weird and never got to it. I told her we could hang when I got back for Winter Break.
I don't know. She was probably the only person back in Jersey that I still felt tight with at the level I am with Delaware folk.
Still doesn't fit in my hand. I can't wrap my head around death. yet
unfinished
People say college is 50% about the people you meet and 50% about the things you learn. Now, I'm not exactly sure where that exact percentage lies but I definitely think we don't give it enough credit in our minds. I tried explaining this concept to my parents, but they didn't seem to understand how going to Northwestern (such a highly accredited academic university) was not about the academics...which, honestly, I didn't expect them to understand.
I love my parents, but there is definitely a culture difference in how societies operate. College in Taiwan must not run the same way an American university might, entering freshmen must have much different expectations in college. But I digress...
Community. What does that even mean? A group of people working towards a common purpose? No, I don't think so. I would call the people I live with in Bobb a community, but we have different expectations out of college (from greek and fellowship participation to girls), yet I'd still call it a community. Maybe it's just a group of people who care about each other.
I write this to you, beloved AAIV, because I see our community and I see how much better it could be. I have nothing against any of you. Maybe I'm not in the "in" crowd so I'm not getting all these "judgmental" and "gossip" posts. I have absolutely nothing against you, it's just I don't know you as well as I'd like to.
Maybe more specifically, I'm addressing AAIV sophomore guys. You guys are a great bunch of guys
I love my parents, but there is definitely a culture difference in how societies operate. College in Taiwan must not run the same way an American university might, entering freshmen must have much different expectations in college. But I digress...
Community. What does that even mean? A group of people working towards a common purpose? No, I don't think so. I would call the people I live with in Bobb a community, but we have different expectations out of college (from greek and fellowship participation to girls), yet I'd still call it a community. Maybe it's just a group of people who care about each other.
I write this to you, beloved AAIV, because I see our community and I see how much better it could be. I have nothing against any of you. Maybe I'm not in the "in" crowd so I'm not getting all these "judgmental" and "gossip" posts. I have absolutely nothing against you, it's just I don't know you as well as I'd like to.
Maybe more specifically, I'm addressing AAIV sophomore guys. You guys are a great bunch of guys
unfinished
"For you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."
Steadfastness - resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering; steadfast loyalty
I wonder what it means for a person to be steadfast. I thought I was "unwavering"...multiple times. Then, put into a completely different environment, and I falter. What's the use of being stable if you're only in stable in one environment. My roommate's fraternity, SAE, defined a gentlemen as always knowing what to do in every situation. I think if any man achieved that, they'd have achieved something far greater than the word "gentleman" entails.
Of course I want steadfast faith, of course I want to be unwavering.
Steadfastness - resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering; steadfast loyalty
I wonder what it means for a person to be steadfast. I thought I was "unwavering"...multiple times. Then, put into a completely different environment, and I falter. What's the use of being stable if you're only in stable in one environment. My roommate's fraternity, SAE, defined a gentlemen as always knowing what to do in every situation. I think if any man achieved that, they'd have achieved something far greater than the word "gentleman" entails.
Of course I want steadfast faith, of course I want to be unwavering.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
friendships
(Really trying to write as if I have no audience but really just as a medium for my mind to get it's thoughts out.)
Specifically, male friendship. When you have a girlfriend, things are fun, but both if either of you hit a point where you think it is over, whether it be for lack of passion or something the other person did, you call it quits. It sucks, but it's a necessary part of being human--better to give pain up front, rather than let it draw out, leaving the person questioning what happened.
What happens when the same thing happens with a guy? I have such a bitter heart towards JN that it only makes me more angry when he tries to hangout with me. Sure, I tried to tell him what was on my heart in the same way a boyfriend tells his girlfriend why their relationship ended. But you can't just pick up the pieces from there and pretend nothing happened. Goodness, there is something wrong with me too though. I just can't stand...JN's...everything.
Sigh, I need to have a softer heart, but I also want to be realistic that I can't be best friends with everyone, much less a person I can't stand.
God can do anything though, Rich...
--
I'd love to be totally open with names, but the fact is that if people read this....then I don't want to be a producer of gossip.
Specifically, male friendship. When you have a girlfriend, things are fun, but both if either of you hit a point where you think it is over, whether it be for lack of passion or something the other person did, you call it quits. It sucks, but it's a necessary part of being human--better to give pain up front, rather than let it draw out, leaving the person questioning what happened.
What happens when the same thing happens with a guy? I have such a bitter heart towards JN that it only makes me more angry when he tries to hangout with me. Sure, I tried to tell him what was on my heart in the same way a boyfriend tells his girlfriend why their relationship ended. But you can't just pick up the pieces from there and pretend nothing happened. Goodness, there is something wrong with me too though. I just can't stand...JN's...everything.
Sigh, I need to have a softer heart, but I also want to be realistic that I can't be best friends with everyone, much less a person I can't stand.
God can do anything though, Rich...
--
I'd love to be totally open with names, but the fact is that if people read this....then I don't want to be a producer of gossip.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
In case I ever forget
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
~Steve Jobs
Hello, 2012. I'm late to the party
New Years Resolutions.
I thought I would wait to think about them more, but I haven't thought about them at all, and instead simply put it off.
So here goes nothing.
1. Learn HTML, XML, Java, C++, C#, Android SDK
2. Make 3 software projects, 1 being an Android app
3. Get an internship
4. Learn to hike/camp
5. Have an amazing hiking/camping trip
6. Find a girl to pursue
7. Make a habit out of reading the Bible.
8. Pursue my passion
9. Love my parents. There's not much time left until independence.
10. Love my brother
11. Get to know my AAIV class better. Find a group at NU.
12. Stand up for what I believe
I thought I would wait to think about them more, but I haven't thought about them at all, and instead simply put it off.
So here goes nothing.
1. Learn HTML, XML, Java, C++, C#, Android SDK
2. Make 3 software projects, 1 being an Android app
3. Get an internship
4. Learn to hike/camp
5. Have an amazing hiking/camping trip
6. Find a girl to pursue
7. Make a habit out of reading the Bible.
8. Pursue my passion
9. Love my parents. There's not much time left until independence.
10. Love my brother
11. Get to know my AAIV class better. Find a group at NU.
12. Stand up for what I believe
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
the great white buffalo
The one that got away...
7th/8th grade. Imagine. Short spiky with glasses with the most pimples you've ever seen on a human face. For sure this kid couldn't have a handle on any girls? But for some reason, within the nerdy squad I was "cool." And, I was amazing at violin for a 7th grader (this is Hillsborough, not many people play orchestra)...I had a big ego to say the least, ESPECIALLY in orchestra. (I'm sorry Mr. Cooper, my conductor.)
I don't know how many times I talked to ...Kathryn, let's call her. Couldn't be too many, but to me, she was the cutest girl in the whole school. I guess it helped that she was on par with me at violin, so we saw each other in orchestra, but I could've swore I had no shot.
So I didn't shoot. Moved to Delaware. Sometime freshmen year, she told me she liked me in middle school.
...the great white buffalo. the one that got away.
7th/8th grade. Imagine. Short spiky with glasses with the most pimples you've ever seen on a human face. For sure this kid couldn't have a handle on any girls? But for some reason, within the nerdy squad I was "cool." And, I was amazing at violin for a 7th grader (this is Hillsborough, not many people play orchestra)...I had a big ego to say the least, ESPECIALLY in orchestra. (I'm sorry Mr. Cooper, my conductor.)
I don't know how many times I talked to ...Kathryn, let's call her. Couldn't be too many, but to me, she was the cutest girl in the whole school. I guess it helped that she was on par with me at violin, so we saw each other in orchestra, but I could've swore I had no shot.
So I didn't shoot. Moved to Delaware. Sometime freshmen year, she told me she liked me in middle school.
...the great white buffalo. the one that got away.
life update: career
I'm starting to think about kicking the can on Electrical Engineering. I'll finish this quarter, but if I don't love EECS222 (Signals and Systems), I will probably transfer to Computer Engineering or Computer Science. EE (surprisingly), is too narrow. You can either work at a defense company (Lockheed, Raytheon...), communications company (Motorola, Qualcomm), or some straight up EE company.
Most of these companies will probably have their workers just process stuff, maybe come up with new stuff, but the whole atmosphere and business model doesn't foster that much creativity. Who am I kidding...do I really want to develop MatLab algorithms for the rest of my life?
I really have to give it honest thought. I think where I want to work is some place where ideas can be put into places, interesting solutions can be implemented in a creative work atmosphere. Some start-up like Spotify...
But that's risky. Most start-ups don't make it. But really, any place that allows creativity in their business model. Looks like Computer Science, which is funny because back in HS it was always Billy the one learning coding and me bumming around.
If I sit on my ass and just learn code from classes, I'll probably end up in some boring job I hate for the rest of my life. I need to start learning code on my own, and writing my own software. It's going to be a long process, I need to learn more C++, more Java, Android's SDK, some PHP, and probably HTML...but I really want to do this. I have been putting it off for way too long.
Luckily, coursework-wise, it's not too bad to transfer from EECS major to EECS major (surprise!). CS coursework definitely seems more interesting. Human-Computer Interaction vs Digital Signal Processing. Err....
Most of these companies will probably have their workers just process stuff, maybe come up with new stuff, but the whole atmosphere and business model doesn't foster that much creativity. Who am I kidding...do I really want to develop MatLab algorithms for the rest of my life?
I really have to give it honest thought. I think where I want to work is some place where ideas can be put into places, interesting solutions can be implemented in a creative work atmosphere. Some start-up like Spotify...
But that's risky. Most start-ups don't make it. But really, any place that allows creativity in their business model. Looks like Computer Science, which is funny because back in HS it was always Billy the one learning coding and me bumming around.
If I sit on my ass and just learn code from classes, I'll probably end up in some boring job I hate for the rest of my life. I need to start learning code on my own, and writing my own software. It's going to be a long process, I need to learn more C++, more Java, Android's SDK, some PHP, and probably HTML...but I really want to do this. I have been putting it off for way too long.
Luckily, coursework-wise, it's not too bad to transfer from EECS major to EECS major (surprise!). CS coursework definitely seems more interesting. Human-Computer Interaction vs Digital Signal Processing. Err....
Monday, January 23, 2012
girls.
I'm getting picky. It's been 3 years since my last relationship with Allison ended (wow...).
Sophomore year, I feel like there's no time to experiment around. The next girl has got to be wife-potential material. I don't expect her to be, but I don't really want to waste my time on someone who I don't think I'll be compatible with.
Compatible. I don't think I'm compatible with many girls. At least not here at Northwestern. None in fact, except one, and I don't think that will go anywhere anyway.
It's funny because in 8th grade I was an asshole and had many more pimples, but I guess that arrogant personality attracted a lot of girls. (*future short post, the one that got away.) I wouldn't get friendzoned.
Now, I'm more mature, more stable, but girls see me as a brother. Which is GREAT, for 95% of the girls I meet. I love being a brother, don't get me wrong. But for that 5% I meet that I'm interested....lol ffuuuuu.
I give up on her (maybe?).
Still waiting patiently.
---
Sidenote: I feel like it's a bit taboo to speak of girls in Chinese culture. I don't know why. It's a fact of this world.
Sophomore year, I feel like there's no time to experiment around. The next girl has got to be wife-potential material. I don't expect her to be, but I don't really want to waste my time on someone who I don't think I'll be compatible with.
Compatible. I don't think I'm compatible with many girls. At least not here at Northwestern. None in fact, except one, and I don't think that will go anywhere anyway.
It's funny because in 8th grade I was an asshole and had many more pimples, but I guess that arrogant personality attracted a lot of girls. (*future short post, the one that got away.) I wouldn't get friendzoned.
Now, I'm more mature, more stable, but girls see me as a brother. Which is GREAT, for 95% of the girls I meet. I love being a brother, don't get me wrong. But for that 5% I meet that I'm interested....lol ffuuuuu.
I give up on her (maybe?).
Still waiting patiently.
---
Sidenote: I feel like it's a bit taboo to speak of girls in Chinese culture. I don't know why. It's a fact of this world.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
JN
I don't really want to talk to you. But I know I should, I know you are a Son of God and that we should restore our relationship...but I don't want to.
But to think nothing happened, to think that things will go back to normal--that is foolish. No. I am no longer trying to be your best friend, part of your group. That time is gone. I wish to be able to fully forgive you and move on.
I hung out with you every single day Spring Quarter, except Finals week. I'm sorry, I went above and beyond the call of friendship in my mind, but you want to hang out the day before my final? And you're upset over it?
You're a great person, but our values differ enough that this will not work out.
Stop.
But to think nothing happened, to think that things will go back to normal--that is foolish. No. I am no longer trying to be your best friend, part of your group. That time is gone. I wish to be able to fully forgive you and move on.
I hung out with you every single day Spring Quarter, except Finals week. I'm sorry, I went above and beyond the call of friendship in my mind, but you want to hang out the day before my final? And you're upset over it?
You're a great person, but our values differ enough that this will not work out.
Stop.
secrets
Maybe Dan was right.
People do mess around a lot, more than I realized, at least. And the people I'm referring to are people within fellowships, not people outside of them.
We all put on this mask. We're holy people, we have holy bodies, that we don't curse because it's wrong, and we don't wear revealing clothing because it's bad. We don't buy nice clothes, because it's materialistic.
Man, we seem holy don't we? With our hands raised up, everyone has a smile on. During prayer requests, the requests are vague and hackneyed. "I...have these desires."
We're no different from the people outside of the fellowship. What, you think you're wired differently? No, let's be honest, you're curious about sex. You're curious about these..desires.
When we hold these things in secret because we are too ashamed to reveal them to such a "holy fellowship," we do two things.
First, we continue to feed this wishful thinking that we're all holy and blameless people. That God has changed us and we no longer sin. This only results in more and more people afraid to reveal their insecurities and inequities, continuing to foster this fake image that the fellowship holds.
Second, you allow this sin power. Make it known: the desire for sex is not one from the Devil. The Devil has never been able to create pleasure. If you think sex is bad, immature, and shady now, how will you deal with marriage? Do you think suddenly all those things will become washed away? Do you think suddenly someone gains infinite wisdom when they turn 21, and then are okay to drink? Or will we still hold on to those thoughts that drinking is bad. Jesus drank at parties, do not forget.
By thinking these things, you give sin power. You forget that Jesus has conquered over sin, and rendered it powerless! Unashamed, what does that mean? Not unashamed because you have nothing to hide, because you are sinless. No. You are shamed when you have consequences. But the consequences have been taken care of, if the Spirit of Christ truly dwells within you! You are white as snow, because Christ's blood and NOTHING of your own actions.
All the hand raising you did that Friday night, all the passionate fire, all the resisting temptation...sure, they may have reaffirmed your faith, but Jesus has taken a fire to your guilt. The only guilt that remains is your perceived guilt.
It's a mind game, really. Thank you, God, for Bob guys and finally taking a huge hack at what I have been hiding for such a long time. I wonder how many people I know back in Delaware have been holding back their past regrets.
People do mess around a lot, more than I realized, at least. And the people I'm referring to are people within fellowships, not people outside of them.
We all put on this mask. We're holy people, we have holy bodies, that we don't curse because it's wrong, and we don't wear revealing clothing because it's bad. We don't buy nice clothes, because it's materialistic.
Man, we seem holy don't we? With our hands raised up, everyone has a smile on. During prayer requests, the requests are vague and hackneyed. "I...have these desires."
We're no different from the people outside of the fellowship. What, you think you're wired differently? No, let's be honest, you're curious about sex. You're curious about these..desires.
When we hold these things in secret because we are too ashamed to reveal them to such a "holy fellowship," we do two things.
First, we continue to feed this wishful thinking that we're all holy and blameless people. That God has changed us and we no longer sin. This only results in more and more people afraid to reveal their insecurities and inequities, continuing to foster this fake image that the fellowship holds.
Second, you allow this sin power. Make it known: the desire for sex is not one from the Devil. The Devil has never been able to create pleasure. If you think sex is bad, immature, and shady now, how will you deal with marriage? Do you think suddenly all those things will become washed away? Do you think suddenly someone gains infinite wisdom when they turn 21, and then are okay to drink? Or will we still hold on to those thoughts that drinking is bad. Jesus drank at parties, do not forget.
By thinking these things, you give sin power. You forget that Jesus has conquered over sin, and rendered it powerless! Unashamed, what does that mean? Not unashamed because you have nothing to hide, because you are sinless. No. You are shamed when you have consequences. But the consequences have been taken care of, if the Spirit of Christ truly dwells within you! You are white as snow, because Christ's blood and NOTHING of your own actions.
All the hand raising you did that Friday night, all the passionate fire, all the resisting temptation...sure, they may have reaffirmed your faith, but Jesus has taken a fire to your guilt. The only guilt that remains is your perceived guilt.
It's a mind game, really. Thank you, God, for Bob guys and finally taking a huge hack at what I have been hiding for such a long time. I wonder how many people I know back in Delaware have been holding back their past regrets.
nothing to prove
I was talking to Kevin and John about girls last night. Lol. It's not like I'm antisocial or completely not compatible, but Kevin just described that I don't throw myself out there, I act like I have nothing to show, nothing to prove. I agree, I guess.
I've never been one to suck up to people to get to know them. I've always gotten to know the people I've gotten to know. For some reason, things don't quite operate that way for me in college. The first time you meet me, I'm quiet. I stand confident, but I'm not the center of attention, I don't have the funniest jokes, nor do I have the most intriguing stories. But I don't mind, I don't think I have to. I'm not trying to prove myself to anyone.
Because I'm not. Let the Shiau's and David Bai crack the jokes, let James tell the stories. The difference is back in Delaware, I got to know people naturally. Nothing was forced, things happened and I got to know people. Not to say I never tell stories or crack jokes, but only if it comes naturally. I don't know, I haven't thought this through yet.
I've tried to make a conscious effort to really spend time with people I don't know, but it just doesn't work for me. I can't start a good conversation with someone as much as I can't prolong it. I can't create these things, these things just happen.
So, I've got nothing to prove. I look at the girls at Northwestern, and I can honestly say there's not one that I'm interested in dating. Yeah, I actually know a good amount of freshmen girls but I can't see myself in a relationship with them. Sophomore and junior girls...literally none. Seniors girls...too old.
And I'm not about to go into any relationship just to try it. I'm not desperate for a girl at the moment, so I guess it's okay. I just don't see any potential girls here, and that's what worries me. Whatever. Time will tell.
I'm grateful for Bobb guys.
I've never been one to suck up to people to get to know them. I've always gotten to know the people I've gotten to know. For some reason, things don't quite operate that way for me in college. The first time you meet me, I'm quiet. I stand confident, but I'm not the center of attention, I don't have the funniest jokes, nor do I have the most intriguing stories. But I don't mind, I don't think I have to. I'm not trying to prove myself to anyone.
Because I'm not. Let the Shiau's and David Bai crack the jokes, let James tell the stories. The difference is back in Delaware, I got to know people naturally. Nothing was forced, things happened and I got to know people. Not to say I never tell stories or crack jokes, but only if it comes naturally. I don't know, I haven't thought this through yet.
I've tried to make a conscious effort to really spend time with people I don't know, but it just doesn't work for me. I can't start a good conversation with someone as much as I can't prolong it. I can't create these things, these things just happen.
So, I've got nothing to prove. I look at the girls at Northwestern, and I can honestly say there's not one that I'm interested in dating. Yeah, I actually know a good amount of freshmen girls but I can't see myself in a relationship with them. Sophomore and junior girls...literally none. Seniors girls...too old.
And I'm not about to go into any relationship just to try it. I'm not desperate for a girl at the moment, so I guess it's okay. I just don't see any potential girls here, and that's what worries me. Whatever. Time will tell.
I'm grateful for Bobb guys.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
internship
This is stressing me out to no end. With good reason, I suppose, because if I don't find anything, I will simply be doing nothing back at home for a whole summer. Wasted. And another school year without any technical experience on my resume, following the slippery slope of not finding a job. LoLz.
This combined with finding out what I actually want to do. Eff what people say. You don't have 4 years to find out what you want to do. If you had that, you'd end up with no job after 4 years from no experience. You have 1 year to figure out what you want to do (BARELY), then 3 years to try to get into the industry.
This combined with finding out what I actually want to do. Eff what people say. You don't have 4 years to find out what you want to do. If you had that, you'd end up with no job after 4 years from no experience. You have 1 year to figure out what you want to do (BARELY), then 3 years to try to get into the industry.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Goodbye, 2011
2011 NYR'
1. Be Me.
2. Be sincere, be real. With my faith, with my parents, with my friends, with strangers.
3. Find a passion
4. Find a group.
5. Reserve judgment, be humbled
6. Love my family better
7. Be a better brother (not just biological)
8. Get good grades, Learn two more programming languages.
9. Exercise, be healthy
10. Budget better
-----
1. Who knows what that really is, but I'm definitely coming closer to it. The other day when I went to my roommate's birthday party and all the fraternity guys from Elder last year were there, I could just tell that it wasn't going to be my cup of tea. But it was definitely my roommates. That type of stuff...just isn't me. That said, I really should learn how to communicate better with those guys. Not really sure how, but these are probably the same type of people I'll be working with in the future, and I live in America, so I really should improve that. That said, there is something to be said about my Asian heritage.......so idk.
But overall, yes to this.
2. This is very vague. But my gut feeling says ...kinda. 2011 was a decent year for faith I guess, and I only say that because I never have consistent years. Everythings up and down. Given, there is SO much room for improvement (bigest understatement I've ever written), it wasn't bad. And for the place I was in when I was writing my 2011 NYR, and I'm much farther down then before.
Parents I need to work on. Yeah, again, there is much to improve, but I feel like I intentionally tried to spend more time with them. Whenever I hear John Mayer's song "Stop This Train" I think of my parents...sigh.
Friends. Yes and no. This selective friendship stuff I need to work on. There's just not enough time in life to befriend and invest in everyone. Then there are other people that I just don't click well with, and other people who just annoy me. Sigh...So this one is probably a no.
Strangers...if strangers means freshmen, then yes. I love the Class of 2015.
3. Find a Passion. Longboarding? Definitely the closest thing I got. Sigh...
Nope.
4. Find a group.
Eh sorta. Nothing like WCEC back home, but I know people now and I have my friends. So I guess the answer is no, but I'm okay with it.
5. Reserve judgment, be humbled.
Sigh, no. I still have much to work on. Reserve judgment? Man I hold on to these grudges...
6. Love my family better
I really do think I did this, just witnessed by my actions during Winter Break, I spent like 2/3 of the time with family, which is much more than I ever do normally. Sad I guess, but yeah I think I'm getting better about that. It's sad because (hopefully) I'll be doing something this summer, so really there's not much time left that I will be spending at home anymore.
7. Be a better brother.
yes.
8. Get good grades, learn to programming languages.
3.8, and Python, and Meta...lol. It counts I guess. I thought I said "learn two languages." Then I could count 中文。
9. Exercise, be healthy.
Rofl, this always happens on and off, not even worth it putting it as a NYR.
10. Budget better
Eh, idk. I got a job. I guess that's budgeting better. You can't have a budget if you only have money going out and no money going in.
Goodbye 2011, you were good to me in weird ways. Getting to know Jeff a lot more, Dan a lot more. Kev, John, and Ron much more. And getting to know the frosh has been awesome.
I am no longer a teen.
Friday, January 13, 2012
annie
Her birthday is coming up next month. She would've been "5" since her birthday is on February 29th.
It'll be the saddest thing when that day comes and I see her name come up beside the Facebook birthday list.
It'll be the saddest thing when that day comes and I see her name come up beside the Facebook birthday list.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
thoughts
"The only thing worse than a man that doesn't know his values is one that lies about it too."
-Dan Shiau
Been talking to Dan a lot. Been thinking about this quote a lot.
-Dan Shiau
Been talking to Dan a lot. Been thinking about this quote a lot.
life update
Here's a new year's resolution. I will use this blog and won't care about what people think I write or how badly I write. I will write to write, think to think, as an outlet of living.
Besides, I'm hoping none of you people read this blog since I haven't had a meaningful post in a very long time.
Coming back to school for Winter Quarter felt weird. Last year, winter break felt like eternity, but this year it felt like I just landed, and I was already waiting at the terminal to leave. (Speaking of which, Northwestern is starting EVEN LATER next year, which sucks because we end even later, but the good thing is that I think my winter break and spring will match up with Billy's and Eddies, and hopefully most other peoples!)
Winter break was nice though. The first week, I just bummed and chilled with my dad (which, sidenote: need to find a better way to chill with my dad). Second week, was family time in NJ. Hung out with my brother, drove to NJ and back because we forgot the Cheesecake factory giftcard, and went to the Cheesecake factory. Mom got my thermal pants/sweat, brother got me a silent mouse (for gaming, LOL)...and I ended up being the one with the new laptop since I have the most use for it. Spoiled, I guess, but it has come in handy very much.
The third week was hanging out with friends. Movies on top of movies with some spam and coke mixed in between. The Illusionist, Another Earth...
It was definitely nice to see everyone again. I'm always slightly jealous of people who have amazing college experiences, but what the hell. I would never wish my freshmen year on someone, so good for them.
Major-wise, I'm EE right now. All my suitemates have gotten internships over the summer except me. Sigh, even though I was always doing the bulk of the work in projects, I have nothing as of yet. The one that got the most prestigious internship was the one that went out drinking the night before we had our projects due. Sad life.
And I got a Kindle. I just need to find time to read though.
I think I'll put two main types of posts in my blog. Life updates and thoughts. Hello, 2012.
Besides, I'm hoping none of you people read this blog since I haven't had a meaningful post in a very long time.
Coming back to school for Winter Quarter felt weird. Last year, winter break felt like eternity, but this year it felt like I just landed, and I was already waiting at the terminal to leave. (Speaking of which, Northwestern is starting EVEN LATER next year, which sucks because we end even later, but the good thing is that I think my winter break and spring will match up with Billy's and Eddies, and hopefully most other peoples!)
Winter break was nice though. The first week, I just bummed and chilled with my dad (which, sidenote: need to find a better way to chill with my dad). Second week, was family time in NJ. Hung out with my brother, drove to NJ and back because we forgot the Cheesecake factory giftcard, and went to the Cheesecake factory. Mom got my thermal pants/sweat, brother got me a silent mouse (for gaming, LOL)...and I ended up being the one with the new laptop since I have the most use for it. Spoiled, I guess, but it has come in handy very much.
The third week was hanging out with friends. Movies on top of movies with some spam and coke mixed in between. The Illusionist, Another Earth...
It was definitely nice to see everyone again. I'm always slightly jealous of people who have amazing college experiences, but what the hell. I would never wish my freshmen year on someone, so good for them.
Major-wise, I'm EE right now. All my suitemates have gotten internships over the summer except me. Sigh, even though I was always doing the bulk of the work in projects, I have nothing as of yet. The one that got the most prestigious internship was the one that went out drinking the night before we had our projects due. Sad life.
And I got a Kindle. I just need to find time to read though.
I think I'll put two main types of posts in my blog. Life updates and thoughts. Hello, 2012.
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