better late than never

The day I arrived to North Carolina was Duke's last day of classes, or as they refer to it as LDOC. Then the following day was UNC's LDOC. One of the unexpected lessons from the trip was the ability to witness firsthand the end of the year, without my school year actually ending. 

People grabbing meals with each other left and right, great hangouts mixed with the sadness of the lack of time left, and even relationships (and relationship problems) springing up due to "now or never."

But I have 44 days until the last day of finals.

What will I do?

(Suddenly, when I put it in days, it doesn't seem all that much...)

ewr pause

Delayed flight from RDU->EWR made me miss my connection from EWR->ORD, but I'm slightly grateful because the violent turbulence from the small propeller plane made me a little nauseous.

So now I can take a big jet plane back to Chicago. I used to never get nauseous, but I can't say the same anymore.

I'm getting physically older, but I refuse to become older and stop trying to have fun.

why am i awake this early

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Galatians 5:13-14 

There is never anything more important than the people around you. 

--

I think I need to start writing in my notebook again. The problem with a public personal blog is that there are things that I need to write to myself that I can't write, so then there are problems that I eschew and pretend that nothing is wrong. 

nc

currently at duke's perkins library

(it's weird writing about my NC trip because y'all read my blog. hi billy and eddie. i'll write more when i leave)

and...

I bought tickets to NC.

See you in a week, NU.

wandering heart

It's crazy how just a day or two of not really spending time with God will suddenly make my heart so distant, so hardened.

cali trip

posting this here for keepsakes

·      Monday

o   Fly to LAX

o   In and out

o   Staple center – clippers vs bucks

o   Ice kiss

·      Tuesday

o   TW breakfast

o   Phil’s BBQ

o   La Jolla Beach

§  Ultimate Frisbee

o   La Jolla Cave

o   La Jolla cliffs

o   Taco El Gordo

o   Karaoke night

·      Wednesday

§  Woke up hungover, even though didn’t get tipsy

o   BCD

§  Got over hangover

o   Pick up blankets from Joanne’s mom

o   UCLA

§  Got super tired

o   Bud Namu

§  Food poisoning

·      Thursday

o   Drive to Sequoia

o   In and Out

§  Threw up

o   Sequoia snowball fight

o   Grant tree hike

o   Drive down to South Kern

o   Drive up to North Kern

o   Camp

·      Friday

§  Finally felt healthy

o   Finish camping

o   Hike in kern

o   Drive through desert back to LA

§  Set GPS to no highway accidentally

o   Roadhouse diner

o   Return camping gear

o   Tried to go to Boiling Crab

o   (earthquake)

o   Japantown – Shin sen gumi – ramen

§  Saw Clara Chung and Sam Ock

§  Charles Kong went home because earthquake

o   Yogurt land with Paul Chang

·      Saturday

o   Boiling crab

o   Santa Monica – played volleyball

o   Venice Beach  - skated with Peter

o   Skaters

o   Returning the lost phone

o   Bought tshirt and sweater

o   Chilled at the outdoor gym area

o   Golden Dragon – met Esther Shin

o   Drank in the girl’s apartment

§  Random instagram of crystal/joanne/michelle

·      Sunday

o   Checkout of guy’s apartment

o   King Taco

o   Grace Covenant church

o   Griffith

o   Wako Tonkatsu with Charles Kong

o   LACMA

o   Send people to airport

·      Monday

o   Check out of apartment

o   Send people to airport

o   Drop off Kyle’s car

o   Pick up Kwang

o   Korean Plaza food court

o   Drop off Kwang’s car

o   Drive to Pepperdine

o   Chill at El Matador

o   Neptune’s Net

o   Drive to UCSB

o   Drive to SF

§  In and out

§  Live at Motel6

·      Tuesday

§  (kwangs bday)

o   Stanford

§  chipotle

o   Golden gate exploring with Kyle

o   Sausalito

§  Venice sandwiches

o   Chinatown  - Hong Kong Clay Pot

o   Bar with Heejae/Kwang/Esther/Kyle

o   Twin Peaks

·      Wednesday

o   mcdonalds

o   Mission peak hike

o   Drive to Berkeley

o   Koja’s (Korean Japanese)

o   Met up with Mary

§  Pizza, potatoes, coffee

·      Thursday

o   Met up at Kanpai’s sushi with Phil

o   Philz with Phil

o   Checked out google with Kyle

o   Checked out San Jose

o   Ate with Heejae’s family

§  Oranges off da tree

§  Awesome outside Korean meal

·      Friday

o   Dropped off Kwang

o   Pier 39

§  Passenger

o   Warriors vs Kings game

o   Jack in a box nuggets

o   Sleep at Bicentennial

·      Saturday

o   6:15 drive out of campground

o   Highway 1 drive

§  beautiful

o   pismo beach

§  awesome burrito

o   Santa monica sunset

o   Taco truck

o   Biking around LA from Davids to little Tokyo

·      Sunday

o   Mario’s

o   LA Sarang church

o   Bummed

·      Monday

o   King Taco

o   UCLA

o   Boiling crab

o   Bought beers

o   Watched NCAAB Finals

o   Mr Coffee with Grace

o   Hit and run outside David’s

o   GTA V trying to get the tank

·      Tuesday

o   Walked around USC

o   Shin sen gumi

o   Boba time

o   Del taco

o   Airport

#

so focused on capturing the moment
that you miss it

THIS
IS
THE
BODY
OF
CHRIST

BROKEN
FOR
YOU

from duranno

"If the Gospel has not led you to love your neighbor, either the Gospel you believe in is errant, or you do not fully comprehend the true Gospel."

personal reminder

I don't want to talk about sophomore year anymore, and my greatest times of growth in faith.

I want to talk about here and now.

senior focus

At senior family group yesterday, Joe asked, "What would you say at senior family group?" I didn't have an answer at the time, but I thought about this question more, especially when I woke up this morning (/afternoon....dangit).

I'm afraid I get awfully preachy too many times (see every other post I write), but I don't think senior focus is the place to preach. I think it's a time for thank you's and shared experiences (although this could become preachy...whatever).

So thank you to those who I've butt heads with, which is probably most of you, because few of us are very similar to each other. Honestly, I used to hate this about AAIV -- the "no one gets me" argument. But the longer I've been here, I've learned that the harder I've butt heads with someone, the more I've learned.

Because the harder I've butt heads with someone, the later that night I peel my brains out thinking, why does this person think this way? Why did he say that or why did she do this? How has this persons upbringing been different from mine? How is their culture different from mine?

The more I've been hurt, the more I've been insulted, or the more I've pained someone else, the more I've learned. The greatest lessons I've had in college come from people who I've wanted to punch in the face.

(preachy part...I cant help myself)

So, go and be yourself. Offend people and be offended. Christianity doesn't call us to be politically correct, but to love each other. So butt heads, LEARN, and love and forgive.

Now -- this doesn't mean I've changed my opinion and agree with you now, but it does mean I've grown, and I've grown much (and I hope you have too, rather than holding tightly to your own experiences and not listening to others). And for that, I'm eternally grateful, because I'm not the same person I was when I entered college than who I am now. And I consider that a 4 years well spent.

But for those of you who I haven't butt heads too much with, and we agree on many things -- thank you for keeping me sane these four years.

death

What comfort is your god in the reality of death? A good friend's family member passed away a few days ago, and it's only when we face death do we realize how silly our own gods that we run to truly are.

People say that Christianity is hard -- what's the point in living such a hard life? We don't choose Christianity because its hard, it's because any other truth or god is not as good.

What will a million dollars do when your mother dies? Your wife? Your child? How about a billion? What will a Ferrari do, or your Google job?

Our God gives promises of a kingdom with no suffering. Good luck finding that at bars and nightclubs.

back

back in Evanston

verses running through my head:

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

flow of thoughts

Currently residing in David Bai's apartment in LA.

I always look forward. Even now, when I should be enjoying last moments in California, I'm looking forward to going back, to having my own bed, to having my own space to collect my thoughts.

It's 2:15 here and the apartment is quiet. I'm lying on the living room floor with Kyle on the couch next to me. The balcony door is cracked open to let the cool evening air seep in -- something I wouldn't ever fathom doing in Chicago.

I'm forward thinking to what I should be doing this quarter, and when I get back I'll start this and I'll start that...which of course, I can only start when I have my own space and I'm comfortable.

Comfortable.

I'm running away towards things that are comfortable...but I'm running toward other comforts. Coming to California, everything is so nice. The food is cheap, the bubble tea is abundant, Highway 1 is gorgeous, the roads seem perfect for boarding...

Yet I want none of it. I want none of the culture that points to having money, women, big houses, and nice cars as king. Part of me thinks I'm acting holier-than-thou, but even sitting in Neptune's Net on the side of Highway 1 in Malibu, I think -- I can't do this everyday. I can't live like this. I don't want to live like this. I'm not even sure if it's a "I don't want to be comfortable" thing. I think it's more of a "This lifestyle looks so meaningless."

So I run to Chicago, where things aren't blue sky-ed and 70 degrees like it is in Los Angeles, ...yet I'm still craving my own room, my own personal space. Although, at the same time, I don't think that's too much to ask. I don't know. This trip has been fun but exhausting at the same time. There's a point where I don't want to checkout that new place anymore, nor do I want to eat out. I just want to sit, eat a homecooked meal, do stupid stuff. On one hand, I think it was good for me to push myself everyday to do things. But on the other hand, I'm exhausted.

hmm...too tired to think through thoughts on female friendships.

Props to you if any of this post makes sense to you at all. Good night.

truth

It's crazy how much Christian truth nonchristians tiptoe around and live by without even realizing it.

When I talk to them, all I can think of is the gospel.

muddled thoughts

makes me want to fly back to Chicago and collect my thoughts.

Currently residing in a home in Cupertino, CA.

Thoughts on purpose, thoughts on conversations with Phil Chen today and marriage, but more than anything --

thoughts on (my) female friendships and their healthiness (or unhealthiness).